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Family Estrangement--It Happens More Than You Know

Updated on November 27, 2012

Family Estrangement

I have been debating over the past week whether or not to write this hub, and after a sleepless night I decided to forge ahead.

You will notice that this hub has no photos or pictures as it is a somber situation. Family estrangement happens to all families-rich, poor, happy, sad. good or bad. It happens to nice families with good kids. It happens to families where there was once a loving relationship and respect. It happened to me.

If you would have told me many years ago that this estrangement would happen in my family, I would have laughed in your face, as I thought I had a wonderful relationship with my kids that would go on forever.

Early Years

I have often told friends as we talk about when our kids were young that I had it way too easy bringing them up. We had disagreements of course, but we talked about them and worked them out. I also apologized to my boys when I felt I went too far about a matter or was not fair. I didn't believe in criticism and always knew that would harm their self-esteem. I was not a perfect mother--not by any means. I made many mistakes, showed impatience and even yelled a few times.

My kids always treated me with respect and love, and we got through difficult situations as all families do.Of course I got my feelings hurt during their lives and more than once. kids are kids and they can be very thoughtless and hurtful. I was a stay-at-home mom and greeted my kids everyday when they came home from school.

We were lucky to provide the kids with a comfortable childhood where they had everything they needed and a good deal of what they wanted. We went on fun trips and went out to dinner often; and included them in most of what we did. We bicycled and skiied and had a lot of fun as they were growing up.

Teen Years

Their teenage years brought a divorce in our family, and that is never good. However, their father and I stayed together as parents and got together once a month to discuss the kids. Their father called often and we were always cordial to each other. He was very fair in the divorce and I even got a refund from my divorce attorney. The kids lived with me until each one turned 17 and then moved in with their dad. I was comfortable with this arrangement as they needed a strong male influence.

Both children were good students and took off for college.and began planning different career paths. Both of them had a strong work ethic and worked through high school to help pay for their cars. Neither one of my boys has ever asked me for money. We continued to have a good relationship through their marriages and kids.

Adult Years

Both of my kids seem to be happily married and are loving parents. They both are successful in their business pursuits and provide well for their respective families. They live far from us and that makes it difficult in itself to maintain a relationship. But through the years there were many family get togethers.

An Interesting thought--we don't stop communicating with our kids if they say or do hurtful things to us, but that case does not always work in reverse--as I learned.

What Happened

First of all I do not want to reveal any private information. My kids have a different last name, however those reading this hub and have been part of my life will know who they are. This situation just happened with one of my kids. Our relationship was special for many reasons and he was always appreciative of my role in his life. There is absolutely no hidden agenda here or anything serious that provoked what happened.

Up until three years ago everything was fine in our relationship, and I was especially close to my daughter in law; and even though we saw each other infrequently we remained connected. Then it happened--I said a few things that were not received well. I did not criticize, get mean or do anything intentionally--.just a few casual remarks. No one was upset at the time and the rest of our time together was wonderful. In fact anger was expressed and I apologized for being thoughtless. Apparently feelings changed during the following months away and that was the end of the relationship. I know readers here think there was some hidden things that I am not revealing, but it was just that simple.

Dealing with Estrangement

After trying to apologize and create some dialogue through emails, eventually things came to a halt. I cannot call on the phone and I cannot see them to resolve this situation as they live in a foreign country. Emotionally it has played havoc with my well being. Most of the time I keep busy and have a wonderful life, so I don't dwell on this. Some mornings I wake up and almost find it hard to breathe. I do get some professional help a few times a year when I feel overwhelmed with pain and disbelief. This is the first time I have shared this situation and I wanted to be careful not to reveal any personal information in any way.

Family Estrangement is More Common than You Think

There is a website someone told me about and it is called "Estrangement". I went on the site to see what it was all about. I was amazed to find about 4000 subscribers. I read some of the stories and found many similar to mine. I don't go on the site anymore as it is way too painful to read these stories, and relating to others is not helpful for me. This estrangement happens to good families and I only wish I had some solutions for this ugly situation not to happen. I think if my child was close by I could force the issue into discussion, and perhaps have some sort of relationship again. I do worry that I will never see my child or grandchild again. Writing this little saga was very cathartic for me, but I also wanted to create an awareness that this does go on in families. Families have problems and issues throughout the years, but generally work them out for the sake of the family unit. I have sometimes felt that those who have not parented well get more attention and love from their kids. Thanks for letting me share my family estrangement with all of you.

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    • profile image

      ignugent17 4 years ago

      carol7777-

      Your story is very beautiful and touching. I know you are not alone and many people share your sentiments. I admire your courage to write it and share it with us. Someday you will have the blessings that you need. Have a good day to you!

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks ignagent17: I appreciate your kind words and sharing of feelings.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Wow, Carol I am so sorry to hear this and couldn't even imagine not having a relationship with either of my children, although I do know that you aren't alone and the statistics speak for itself. I am a stay at home mom right now to my two little girls and reading your story was breaking my heart. I am no psychologist, by do think you are correct in talking to someone when the pain becomes too unbearable. I do hope that maybe in the future you and your child can reconcile. Have voted up and shared too!!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      I can't say much except I hope for you and the children that things come together for you all.

    • mackyi profile image

      I.W. McFarlane 4 years ago from Philadelphia

      I do hope you and your children can come to some form of understanding and be able to "Bury the Hatchet" very soon.

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Very sad and I hope things will resolve themselves in the future. Sometimes emotions seem to run higher with family relationships.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks for reading this..It is not always easy to face these kinds of things.

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      I too am estranged from my son. Twenty two years ago we had a disagreement over the sale of some land. He has not really spoken to me since then. He was about 22 years old then. I though he would get over it eventually, especially since things worked out in his favor, but he never did. He's over 40 now and I know I have missed a lot of his life, and he has missed a lot of mine. But there doesn't seem to be a way for him to forgive me for whatever he thinks I did.

      I wish him well, but I have to get on with my life too. Accept the things you cannot change.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      What gets me the most is the unforgiveness. So many kids are not treated well by parents and given an unfair deal..and they crave the attention from the parent. You obviously were a good parent..and this "not talking" is really hard to understand. Thanks for the kind words and you are so right.

    • Mama Kim 8 profile image

      Sasha Kim 4 years ago

      I hate when this happens! my mom and sister are going through something similar to you and it's so frustrating for me as well. They used to be so close and I try to get them to talk... but still nothing yet and it's been 3 years.

    • greeneryday profile image

      greeneryday 4 years ago from Some tropical country

      This is very tough situation not being able to see your son and grandchild for a while, however I do hope situation will get better soon. Three years definitely too long for saying the wrong thing, whatever it is. After all you are the mother who raised your children to become who they are today.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Mama Kim 8. What proves in life is that relationships are very fragile and it doesn't take much to end them. There is pride and also relationships today are not what they were many years ago.I am sorry about your situation..it is all very painful.

      Greeneryday. If I told you what I said you would not believe anyone would even get annoyed. I didn't want to get real personal in the hub. My son and I went through a lot together to get where he is today. Yes I know what I did and I am at least grateful for a wonderful young man. Thanks for your kind words.

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      I am so sorry to hear about this. I hope for their sack and for yours that eventually things work out. I know for me, we have lived far from our families most of our life. When we are close to one side, the other side is far away. I guess that is what happens when we are both from different states. I do know this though... distance strains relationships. And it might take something small for a once a week phone call to turn into every two weeks to once a month to I don't remember the last time. I hope things work out for you! Thanks for sharing your story!

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      barbergirl: Thanks for sharing your feelings and thoughts. Yes distance makes things much more difficult and especially when out of the country which is the case. I am just not sure if things will work out but thanks so much.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      "Your hub title is very inviting and I commend you for sharing your story with us. Sad but you have written it down so beautifully in a way that readers could easily relate. Tough but sometimes, it is what it is and more often than not, it is "US" parents who tend to vow head for our kids' mistakes just to patch it up. I wish you well."

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 4 years ago from Canada

      Carol, we are going through something similar now, too, and it is very painful. Like you, I don't want to share any personal details but I can feel your pain and I hope it ends soon for both of us. Thanks for writing about such an important, sensitive topic. Would you mind telling the web address of that site? I would like to look it up. Thanks!

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Sorry about your pain also. Pretty difficult and even harder to put out of our minds. I cannot remember the website address. Try keywords. I will keep looking at let you know. Thanks for stopping by with your kind words.

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 4 years ago from Canada

      It can be very sad when that happens, but our children will make their own choices, for whatever reasons, once they become adults. One family member has gone through something similar with her daughter. The girl has decided that her mother is horrible and not worth trying to contact. Unfortunately that has spread to the rest of the family, and though we have tried to stay in touch, she has made it clear by her lack of response that she wants no part of us. We haven't heard from her for years. Sad, but that's what she wants, it seems.

    • moonlake profile image

      moonlake 4 years ago from America

      It's upsetting to see kids that stop talking to their parents for little things. I mean kids that have grown up in happy home with no type of abuse and yet they hold one little word against their parents. Very often there is someone else behind the problem and not just the child.

      We have seen it happen in our family. I have seen this same thing happen with friends. One friend had 5 daughters and one got mad and they have not talked with her for years. She left here and never contacted them again.

      So sorry this has happened to you. Thanks for sharing.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks for coming by and sharing feelings and thoughts. Yes there is often someone else involved. I wanted to be careful not to reveal personal stuff that could hurt someone.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I guess this is all pretty common, even more than I realized. Thanks for sharing the story. Though it doesn't make me feel better at least I am not alone. I never saw it coming.

    • Christine Miranda profile image

      Christine Miranda 4 years ago from My office.

      Hi Carol. I have been working on a couple of hubs along these lines that have been difficult to write but I feel they need to be written as they will help others, just as your hub will. Both of my children are under 18 and I can't imagine not having a relationship with my children. However, I have been estranged from my own father for about 20 years. My situation is different than yours because the relationship was not healthy and not something I wanted to subject my kids to. I hope you are able to reconcile.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      It is difficult to write about this but even more difficult to live. As I said I really don't know how it happened as it was nothing major. I don't know what caused such a terrible situation. I had a special relationship with my son for many reasons and situations. However, I have to live with this and accept. Thanks for your comments and kind words. And you did the right thing.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      I was estranged from my father for many years due to difficult circumstances. However, I'm happy that we've reconciled and have a healthy relationship for the past 15 years. If we could work things out, I know it's possible for others as well. This was very well written and I admire your courage to speak out and talk about it. I'm very sorry you've had to suffer, but I hope things get resolved soon. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

    • Jamie Brock profile image

      Jamie Brock 4 years ago from Texas

      Carol, I am sorry to hear this... you were brave to write about it. I hope one day things will be better :)

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

      Things will work out, Carol -- I know it sounds trite but time does ease some problems. Sometimes it takes our kids reaching a certain age to realize they'll only have one mom or one dad -- and all the little stuff out there isn't important enough to exclude either one from their lives. Remain hopeful and keep the faith -- Best/Sis

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks Vespa Wolf--Glad you found common ground with your father. Unfortunately my son is very far away and inaccessible so I have to wait. I am not very optimistic after three years of silence.

      Jamie Brock: I felt it had to be written, from my point of view. As we know I am not alone. My son and I were very close and I was a support thru some difficult times..Thanks for your kindness.

      Thanks Angela Blair: I surely wish that would happen. It does not sound trite but very kind to me. However my son is very much an adult with his own children. thanks though for stopping by and sharing lovely feelings.

    • vespawoolf profile image

      vespawoolf 4 years ago from Peru, South America

      My father and I didn't talk for almost a decade. He began by trying to call me. I ignored his calls. Then he asked my grandmother to email me and, eventually, I agreed to talk to him over the phone. A few months later he bought a plane ticket to Peru and we saw one another for the first time in ten years. Never lose hope!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Well, you are so right that this is much more common than most people think. I can think of five close friends who are going through similar situations. For me, it was my sister; we were estranged for the last five years of her life. It is painful and it is at times nonsensical and it always hurts.

      Very important hub my friend, one I'm sure many can relate to.

    • carol7777 profile image
      Author

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Vespawoolf: Thanks for kind words and I am glad you resolved your estrangement. I hope you are happy with the outcome.

      Billybuc: It is awful especially when you cannot rectify the situation..And I have tried. It frankly was just a sillything. Sometimes all the good you do is gone in just a short moment.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Carol... what you have shared here has touched this writer in Canada and is far to common place today. The answers I have none really other than to continue being cordial remembering Birthdays and special holidays.

      I know the pain you are felling and I get the sense you have tried all you can to resolve the problem. There is a certain point and time where we need to step back and accept this as hard as what it is. If the others involved cannot see to forgive after your attempts then they are the ones who suffer the loss of your love.

      Hugs from Canada

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      rollya chabot: Thanks for some for sharing these warm and feeling comments. I live everyday with this pain and sometimes I have to admit it becomes unbearable. And I have done all I can so hopefully some day it will be resolved..Thanks again. and back at you.

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Oh wow, Carol. I just read this and realized how thoughtless my comment about my kids must have seemed. My kids are still relatively young and I have been fortunate with them so far. I say, so far, because in my family, the estrangement is with my sister and her family. Like you, growing up was easy and carefree. I never thought there would be a time that we wouldn't all be at least, figuratively, together. I hope that you are able to work things out with your son and his family. I know it is painful for you. Thank you for sharing this very personal hub.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      No problem at all. I think it is important that you maintain a relationship with kids and it was not taken in any way at all. After all I don't want people to walk on eggshells around me. I have found some peace and acceptance..Unfortunately there are many more issues in our family. I appreciate your concern and kind words and glad you are another Arizonian. We don't get through this life without hurtful happenings. Thanks for stopping by!

    • profile image

      kt 4 years ago

      Carol, thank you for sharing your story. My sister and I are both semi-estranged from our parents. We just got tired of them always favoring our mentally ill brother and going out of their way to help him with every stupid crisis he has. I know that my brother is not my child, but I simply don't agree with their parenting style, which leaves them with less time and money to spare for their other, more well-adjusted children. When my parents stop enabling him to be a loser, I may let them back into my life a little more.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I know how you feel..and the injustice that parents do because if guilt doesn't fly with me. There are other kids that need their parents in a different way. And just because your brother has serious problems doesn't mean he doesn't know how to work the system. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story.

    • justgrace1776 profile image

      justgrace1776 4 years ago

      I'm glad I read this. My daughter and I are estranged, and it's very difficult. The thing is, I just won't put up with her disrespect toward me. I have talked about it with her, but she denies it. Then, she tries to paint me as crazy. I've let it go before, but this last time, I finally told her I can't do this. She became very angry. It's not doing either of us any good. It bothers me, but like you say, I'm not going to revolve my life around it. Thanks :)

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      it is very painful, but just because your daughter is family is no reason why she has to be disrespectful to you. You didn't say how old she is ...My son is older and should realize that I am not going to be here forever and you know, not to get dramatic, once you are gone there is no resolve. I have a good a life and don't dwell on it..but it dues surface unfortunately. Maybe you will get something worked out. I hope so !!!

    • justgrace1776 profile image

      justgrace1776 4 years ago

      Thanks Carol! I agree totally. She is making a huge mistake because we can't repair our relationship if both people aren't willing to work. She is 30.

    • ambercita04 profile image

      Amber 4 years ago from Winter Park

      I am an adult who is estranged from my father and step-mother, which in turn estranges me from my 18 year old sister and 16 year old brother who live with them. I divorced my husband because of abuse and the church told everyone that I was a sinner and was under church discipline - funny because they never told me this when I withdrew my membership and moved out of town to live closer to my job. My relationship with my father and step-mother survived this and I met up with them on holidays and birthdays as well as communicated through phone and email. But then when I became pregnant out of wedlock by my boyfriend whom they found out was black, I annouced this over Christmas dinner. My parents stopped talking to me. Then I received an email by mistake that was from my step-mother to my cousin although it was sent to me. It was very racist as to the naming of my child, etc. She emailed me an appology and I eventually forgave her. But the relationship is gone. I have tried calling and always get voice mail and never a retured call. I am never invited to family things anymore. I send them pictures of my son. And I get a thank you card. And they send me a card with money for my birthday, my son's birthday, and for Christmas. Everything is very unpersonal. So I totally get where you are coming from although I am the child rather than the parent.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      thanks for sharing that. I know I am not alone in this. There was no reason for it. ...of any consequence. Hope things stay better for you and you find happiness outside of the family issues. Thanks for stopping by.

    • watergeek profile image

      watergeek 4 years ago

      Carol - If there was no reason for it of consequence, then there is a chance that there's no real problem either, on his end of it. Could it be that you are expecting too much of him?

      I've lived overseas several times and it's often difficult to keep in touch with people back home. Especially once you have a life of your own, with a partner and kids, and friends and a fully defined social and work life overseas, it's very easy to not realize how much time has passed. You're busy and life is moving along.

      There's also a good chance he sees you as the adult you are, living your own life fully, not needing him to keep in touch all the time. Could it be that you are worrying unnecessarily?

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      I wish this were true, but I know he has come to the states several times. I have not heard a word for well over three years. And I never hadexpectations of staying in touch a lot. I would also like to see pictures. of my grandson..It has been three years and I don't know anything about him. But I thank you for your thoughts here and appreciate the comments a lot

    • watergeek profile image

      watergeek 4 years ago

      Bummer! It's hard not to let worries about it sidetrack you from your own joy, isn't it? :-/

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Yes.. but mostly I live with it ..thank you.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Your story is indeed painful and I can imagine the hurt that such estrangements bring on. I truly wish at some point in near time this could be sorted out to the benefit of both you and your child. Sometimes, small things get blown up out of proportions and lead to such situations. Distance many a times works to heal.

      Thanks for sharing your story with us carol.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Thanks for your words of kindness. It has been three and a half years..My son lives out of the country and I hope someday...Sometimes I feel so badly and sometimes I feel angry because I don't understand. There are many mothers out there who have shown unkindness and neglect and their kids still talk to them. We had a loving a kind relationship until three years ago. Thank you

    • EmpatheticAdvisor profile image

      Ruth Laughery 4 years ago from Montana

      Carol, I appreciate your courage in sharing your story and genuinely feel for you. Having experienced family estrangement in both my "nuclear " and marital family myself, I can truly say, resolution is not necessarily likely.

      The healthiest thing to do is to focus on meeting your needs and directing your attention and energies into things that you can change.

      Possibly in the interim, things may work themselves out. If not, you have not remained frozen in the grieving process over the loss of these relationships and have hopefully found other things that will comfort you.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      i do manage and I have a wonderful husband and such a good life. We have fun and I have many interests to focus. I so appreciate your kind words and they are very consoling. It has been almost 4 years and frankly I am not getting any younger. I was lucky with my boys as we had a wonderful growing up period and no problems and loving. However this is the way it is...No kids in my life. Thank you.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      Carol

      Good for you that you seek help when you need it. Sometimes things like this loom so large they can take over our lives.

      I am estranged from a member of my family. It is a long complex story that I may write a hub about one day. I have respected the other person all of these years and we were very close until the breach came. We were so close that the divide was devastating.

      I have had contact with the person a few times but it is very strained and artificial. And there are times when I have felt that feeling you described of not being able to breathe.

      I was estranged from my daughter for a few month during this nightmare we have lived through called cancer but we realized that life was too short to let ANYTHING come between us. Thank goodness for that.

      Take care of you , Carol You are welcome to email me any time you need someone to 'talk' to as I do understand. I may not be able to offer any real words of wisdom but just 'talking' by writing is often cathartic as least for me.

      So the Angels I send today are to comfort and cheer you. ps

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      You are so kind pS, and Thank you for understanding.. It has been and continues to be a painful journey, one of which I do not understand. Just a few days with a few words and I am abandoned . We had such a good relationship growing up and very few problems together. He was appreciative that I helped him through some difficult times. However it makes you wonder about having kids. Thank you and I love and feel the angels close by.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Carol......My heart just aches for the heaviness that haunts you, now and then. Situations like these, is when I wish so, for a magic wand. It all seems so senseless and very confusing. To think a few words can place a firm wedge between 2 loving people, just boggles the mind.

      I would always keep hope in my heart, Carol.....this may turn around as quickly and mysteriously as it happened.

      I wish you Peace & love............UP++++

    • profile image

      jennifer 3 years ago

      i have never been close to my family i tried when i was younger but it failed now that i'm thirty four almost thirty five year's of age it seem's that all i do is avoid them i'm the black sheep of my family so yeah don't feel to bad commenters if your estranged from family rather it be for a legitimate reason or your family are toxic your much better off bye

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      frherj48: I just checked comments...I have not written here for a while but try to comment on those who I feel are Cyber friends. It has been a long hard time..almost 4 years..And since he lives out of the country I cannot pop in on him and find out what is going on. It is way too easy for him to avoid....I occ get a few words from his wife....nothing much...When I said to give my love to him and my grandson who has been out of my life. I got a blank email from him..GO figure..I wrote back to no avail..Anyway..thank you for your kindness as it means a lot. How are you doing? Life treating you well??/ I hope so.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Carol...How sweet of you to take the time to respond to my comment. Although I'm sure this is a difficult situation to deal with, it's also important that we don't become too entrenched in trying to figure it out. There is never a way to get into the head of another......and it's very unfair that the other person insists upon taking the silent route. Nothing can ever be solved without 2-way communication. The silence just adds to the frustration. Since you have done your part and gone the distance, the next move is "theirs." Hold your head high.

      I'm doing well, Carol. Thank you for asking.

    • carol7777 profile image
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      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      thanks so much for your kind words..I know that all of us have challenges in life..No one is free from life. You are so right..and I know I have done all I can with both my boys...Thanks again.

    • ImKarn23 profile image

      Karen Silverman 3 years ago

      My friend..Your courage is beyond me. You've done what i could never do, but think every day.

      My family is full of estrangement, it was never 'good'. Where there is estrangement makes future estrangement more likely - and easier..

      My son and i are soooo close, and yet - my daughter will not speak with me no matter what i try. and i try everything.

      she got angry at me at the age of 14 because she needed discipline and i tried my best to accommodate her. She was to be grounded - until she called her 'loving' daddy - who came and 'saved' her. I believe they did dinner and a movie that evening..

      she's 30 now...

      HUGS from me to you - with empathy and respectxx

    • savvydating profile image

      savvydating 3 years ago

      How awful for you. I'm so sorry. It took a lot of courage for you to write this piece. What's so unfair is that you have tried to communicate and do things right. When you said that sometimes you find it hard to breath, my heart went out to you. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you must feel. Frankly, I think I would not be able to bear it.

      Thank you for sharing this poignant article.

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      wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I.

      I have a saying I try to live by, It goes like this, " In order to hold someone down, you have to be down there with them." Unfortunately holding on to grudges usually hurts the one that's been holding onto it more! I know for myself I would continue to send holiday cards and letters letting him know your still there and you still care. Don't let up. At least you will have no regrets that he didn't know how much you love him. I'm also sure your right in thinking the distance only makes it harder to face the truths of how much this has hurt you. I hope with time he will realize how much he really does love and miss you. Lets face it, we've all been upset with our parents from time to time, and yes we may have long chunks of time between expressing it, but deep down inside they will always love us! I say this all while I am estranged from my daughter! So I understand and feel your anxiety and pain over the loss of the relationship! God Bless and I hope things work out for you and your son!

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      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      ImKarn: thank you so much for sharing that with me. Kids have an agenda and they live it. THe thing is my son and I had a loving relationship until 4 years ago..so I am left with this. Thanks for your most kind words as you are a dear friend.

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      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      savvydating: How kind of you to share your thoughts with me. I do appreciate your empathy..It is a difficult thing but life does go on.

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      carol stanley 3 years ago from Arizona

      Wildoves..Thanks so much for taking the time to share yourthoughts and ideas. I so appreciate it..and always good to have support and kindness.

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      Susan 18 months ago

      This is my story as well. 5.5 years in, only mine lives 30 minutes up the road. Very crazy making.

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