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First time i fail...

Updated on September 22, 2011
My beloved debutant JOCEF SARAH...
My beloved debutant JOCEF SARAH...
sarahand her ate (pat) when they were kids..
sarahand her ate (pat) when they were kids..
love my gurls...pat & sarah :)
love my gurls...pat & sarah :)

and it's my Sarah's 18th birthday ;'(

tick t0ck..tick tockk..hmm..i'd like to take it cool...casually, relaxed...thinking my "bunso" (youngest daughter) do understand.

I'm a mother of two lovely girls, my eldest Patricia is now 21 & a Visual Arts & Designs College graduate by now, and my youngest is Sarah who's on her 2nd year college level (taking up Public Health & a doctor wanna-be in the future) and is turning 18 on October 1, 2011.

Wheww...it's hard but i realized i had to make a pass, and with a heavy heart i had to tell her beforehand i couldn't make it home in time for her debut (18th birthday)...special as it is for me...as i had prepared last time when her ate (Patricia) had her debut party 3 years ago. But life haven't been too easy the past two years. I've been traveling home usually during Christmas time, take additional break in between during their graduations...and special birthdays (16th & 18th) tried every means to be able to cope with a life a long-distance Mom working far away from home and would like to have every opportunity to take part in every special occasion for her children.

Somehow, with my 20 years living far away from home, i feel i've been a superwoman having survived a family..my mom and my girls...given them the best education i myself haven't been blessed, all the other things and stuffs that my girls had in their lives...lived comfortably anyhow, was able to send them for holidays to Dubai & Singapore in between their growing up lives...well, i'd say, for a single mom like me, i feel grateful that somehow i know i did try to give my best.

And at this time, on this very special occasion of my beloved Sarah's 18th birthday, too sorry to say but i know I FAILED. It's not only because of money matters, but its time complications that made it so difficult for me to make it home. I just had a trip home last December, then again in March for her sister's college graduation, arranged Patricia to get here in May and was searching a job for the last 3 months and found one just recently. I've bills piled up to pay, work scheds to meet as these two months gonna be hectic, plus, my vacation leave is due after November so thinking of going home for 2-3 days is practically insane, rather than enjoy my month long break after November and plan a nice belated party for Sarah's debut just as well.

Good heavens tho' coz, it was Sarah's will to cut-off any plans for a debut party. *sigh* it was a kinda' relief for me thinking i dont have to get pressured about this all, and yet...in exchange, Sarah wanted a trip! and felt my guilt was getting a li'l bit less and less, but lo! Sarah was asking for either....a trip to Korea, or Japan...or to Greece!!!

/!#@!/# uh-ohhh...my guilt has been gone, but another tension is seemingly to build up :o)

No worries, GOD is good and i know He will provide. *wink...its about 3 months away to save up for a "snowy day" gift for my Sarah anyway..^^

Mom & Ate Patricia's gonna work their a** off to make our Sarah's birthday wish come true , and of course its gonna be alongwith our ever dearest loving & supportive mom (their grandma who's celebrating her 64th birthday come 4th Oct. just as well:DDD

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    • angela martinez67 profile imageAUTHOR

      Angela Martinez 

      6 years ago from Cavite, Philippines

      @mcleodgi...thanks for visiting my hub :) i do agree with what u say about learning from accepting & learning from our mistakes, and moving on to a better self:D hope ur gettin' on fine and over with whatever depression u had. God bless. xx

    • mcleodgi profile image

      Ginny McLeod 

      6 years ago from Overland Park

      When I was going through my clinical depression, I used to guilt-trip myself over the slightest thing I did wrong. I would also hang onto the guilt in the long run because I believe that was what I deserved. I've learned in a very hard way that the key is to simply acknowledge the mistake, learn from it and move on.:)

    • angela martinez67 profile imageAUTHOR

      Angela Martinez 

      6 years ago from Cavite, Philippines

      hello again my new hub friend @naturalsolutions :) thanks a lot for ur warm compliment. it helps ease out the guilt in me somehow...haven't spoken to Sarah personally about it as she was busy with her univ studies & dance activities as well. uhh..it helps to think too that, i was blessed with pretty understanding daughters who understands why i've been away this much, and as i said, this is the first time i thought i failed and yet will do all i can to make up for her next time.

    • profile image

      naturalsolutions 

      6 years ago

      I know she will understand you Angela, they suffer because of a lack of mom's presence but a mother that leaves far from her child is more difficult. You do everything for them, they will surely gives you the love and care that you deserve.

    • angela martinez67 profile imageAUTHOR

      Angela Martinez 

      6 years ago from Cavite, Philippines

      @ernie...thanks for visiting my hub even u have just given me a sign language *wink..hope u have read my other 2 hubs in this new site :) u'll find a lot of good hubbers around here too tto ernz ;) Ahlan!!!

    • angela martinez67 profile imageAUTHOR

      Angela Martinez 

      6 years ago from Cavite, Philippines

      @naturalsolutions...thanks for droppin' by :) i've always been the kind of person who cares too much not to miss special occasions like that esp. when it comes to my daughters considering that i'm a working m0m (overseas) who haven't really been there to see them grow, and all these years i've somehow been able to be there at each fo their special moments at least...good thing though Sarah's more of a level-headed gurl & i guess she forgives me this time, afterall...i'm working really hard to grant her birthday wish very soon ;*

    • profile image

      naturalsolutions 

      7 years ago

      I guess you did not failed, despite the distance. Sarah could celebrate her birth day weather you are there or not. Be happy for your dearest. There's still next time.

    • profile image

      ernie 

      7 years ago

      Wink!

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