Grandparents...The powerful Influence in Children’s Life!
The Tiny Love Birth.. New Feelings!
From the very first moment grandparents hear the news of the expected baby, they turn into new persons. Faces glow. Words and looks radiate with hope. A new sun is about to rise in their life. They stay the whole nine months preparing everything to receive the baby, from clothes, toys, to the baby’s name. Their life, at this time, orbit around that upcoming newborn.
On the delivery day, parents may be surprised by grandparents' reactions once seeing them.
Later on, a mother may be surprised when she sees her father or mother acting differently to her child From to her when she was younger. They are more patient, sympathetic, look like kids again while playing and pampering the baby and even after the baby grow up, and get depressed and full of sadness if a minor negative thing happened to them.
A New Turn Emerges
Over time, she may notice that her rules are usually broken, and she can’t apply all the parenting theories she read about since the moment she knew about the pregnancy till then, as long as she and her children are in the presence of the grandparents.
She may think that grandparents’ excessive pamper is going to spoil her children and will raise them irresponsible or other-dependent.
The Conflict & The Reconciliation
Many mothers of my acquaintance, refuse to leave their children with grandparents for some circumstances like urgent errands or their working hours for instance. They find that all what they built up over time collapses once the kids are with them for hours. All their desires are met immediately. All moms instructions are argued and criticized. I personally experienced this issue and suffered a lot with my kids from it.
My mother has always criticized every single action or instruction of me to my children before them. She used to break all rules I find necessary to raise my children. All my clashes with her were because of that. And worse, I found out that my children make use of her presence and reply to me rudely and refuse to do what I ask them to do, rather, they sometimes say NO while looking at her, so she supports them. Then, she does support them and argues with me to retreat. This situation repeated so many times and I lost all the control over my elder daughters with regard to the most trivial stuff as long as they are there. They became rude and very resistant to anything I say all the time.
One day I exploded and talked to her very openly with all my concerns and clarified to her the consequences of her behavior and how it would affect my relationship with my children and their personalities too.
Luckily, she understood and tried from her side to reform my children's concepts. She sat with them and explained they have to respect their mother wherever they are. Thank God they responded positively and changed a lot. This reflects how far she has an immense impact on them and how much they love her.
In addition, when she wants to criticize me or to teach me a parenting technique, She does so in private and calmly. Every thing improved a lot as a result of that.
My Conclusion
At this stage, my mind relaxed and thought calmer. I imagined if I had been my mom and put myself in her shoes. I felt I could act the same way and could correct it in the same way as well. I realized that they could have acquired a huge experience throughout their parenting life with us and definitely committed mistakes from which they learned. On the other hand, I am not that expert in parenting to confirm I am completely right. If even so, no problem to try another method. So, hearing to them and trying to understand may help and will never harm. They believe that not all parties have to apply the same techniques. I.e, they should always be the safe resort and the source of excessive care. Their everyday life with the grandchildren is usually a celebration and free from stress, unlike the mother who is overwhelmed by life responsibilities.
Their Method Is Also Right
I believe that children do need this level of pamper. Some spoiling love is required for their feeling of security and deep feeling of inner peace. The grandparents house is a place where they feel as a haven free from parents control. I found out it is very healthy to their characters for all their life.
Moreover, grandparents can transmit your ideas to them more smoothly whereas your worry about them may make you more anxious and hysterical, when directing them to values or when correcting bad habits. The child needs the advice from a calmer and more experienced person. This can be achieved easily by their grandparents.
