ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Having a Third Child; Tempting Fate & Testing Sanity

Updated on March 7, 2015

The Offspring

Daddy and Lorelei
Daddy and Lorelei
Mommy and Scarlette
Mommy and Scarlette

Just as my husband was deciding his rank list for a fellowship program, a rank that when matched with the programs list would determine where our family would exist for the next five years, I was deciding if I should tell him that I might be pregnant.

We have two beautifully, complicated daughters who fill our days with laughter and frustration, and wonder, and exhaustion and amazingness. We thought we were done expanding our brood. I thought I was done. And then in the shadow of this rather huge decision, when our family's future is in the balance, I'm late.

To tell my husband or not? Some choices for fellowship are in new cities and new states where he will get to expand his medical training in new and exciting ways. Kind of like over four years ago when he matched for his residency program in New Hampshire at Dartmouth hospital. Except it was just us embarking on that adventure, and now we are two kids deep. Except now I know how hard it is to not have family or friends nearby when you have your babies. What's that saying about taking a village to raise a child? The only choice for me, pregnant or not, is to match back home in Rochester, NY.

I chose not to tell him I was late. He chose Rochester. I ended up getting my period four days after he sent in his rank list.

I thought when my period came I would feel relief, I mean I was done with procreating in my mind. Instead I felt loss and sadness, it seemed my heart was not aligning with my head. There was a longing I had been ignoring, lingering in my core, for an undefined amount of time. Now in the absence of the plus sign on the pregnancy test, I had to face that I actually wanted another child. More than that...I had to tell my husband.

My betrothed was an only child, I have three brothers and three sisters. Sometimes, when my husband is in the grips of one of my families gatherings, or even being badgered by his own two girls, I see the look of "help me" borderline terror in his eyes. That's right buddy, I want a third.

So we have the "talk." He says he sees us with three kids in the future, college age and grandchildren bearing, coming to stay with us for the holidays. It would be nice to have three kids when they are older and all moved out. I remind him that if we don't actually have that third kid, there may be a problem with that vision. He brings up the sleepless nights, the expense of diapers and food, the third college fund, the sleepless nights. What can I say, the man likes his sleep. I remind him that if the decision to have children was based in common sense, most people would never procreate, and we would certainly not have the two wonderful girls we currently have.

Bringing new life into this world means hard work and money spent and time taken. Sometimes it's frustration to tears, zombie like days thanks to sleepless nights, being puked on and crapped on, dealing with tantrums and hurts of the body and heart. Sometimes it's laughter to tears, mornings spent snuggling in cozy beds, having a personal "doctor" when you are ill, lessons of patience, and a heart so filled with love it aches with joy.

That first toothless smile, the tiny person spending naps and nights asleep on your chest, the first word, first step, first day of school, and a million other first, last, and in betweens. These things make us, as parents, proud beyond words, or bring us to our knees, or make us laugh out loud, or cry ourselves to sleep. We hope beyond ourselves and love bigger than we believed was possible. That's what having kids does for us...it makes us better.

So here we go, to try for another...I'll keep you posted.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)