How I discipline my 6 year old
Nobody LIKES to discipline but..
Nobody likes to discipline but if you don't you'll have very out of control children who will grow up to be very out of control adults.
No, it's not fun to discipline, and even somewhere in the back of our minds we may even think our children will hate us for doing so. In all truth, they will never hate us for discipline, if your doing it right.
You basically just need to set rules down for your children to follow, and they will need plenty. They need structure and will thrive from structure. You should never feel bad, or guilty, when you discipline your child.
Disciplining my 6 year old
Let me tell you, my little boy has never been easy. Since he was a baby he's had problems with sleeping, alone, and he's always been overemotional. So I've had to explore a lot of different ways to work with him.
As he's gotten older I've found it's gotten easier for me to find ways to punish him for bad behavior. He now has his favorite things in life, and what's that? his GAMES! His computer, his Wii, and anything related to Mario! So it's easy for me now to take one of those things away from him when he is being bad.
There was one time when he was being just downright evil to his computer, yelling at it, hitting it, screaming, throwing things etc. He gets frustrated easy, especially if I cannot help him with a game because I'm making lunch or supper or cleaning the house, just generally busy doing my own things!! My time is my time, and I will not be interrupted to go and help him with a game at that time, and that is enough to throw him into full blown tantrum mode. But one time, I threatened to take his whole computer away from him if he did not stop his behavior. He didn't believe me. He kept saying I wouldn't do it, I wasn't being serious. I sent him off to school that day and we were all in a bad mood, and I reminded him he couldn't play on the computer after he came back from school, for the rest of the day. He still didn't believe me..
Well, I unplugged that thing as fast as I could when I got home and by the end of the school day it was time to get him and bring him back... uh oh :P
I knew I was up for hell on earth, but I was prepared. The first thing he did was try to get on his computer but I reminded him he wasn't allowed to and of course that made him have an all new level of temper tantrum. At this time I had to get him in a time out and talk to him very clearly and explain to him that he was bad, I told him I'd take away the computer if he kept acting up, and I did. And, in order to get his computer back, he would have to be VERY good for the rest of the day/night.
He was NOT happy and even yelled "I HATE YOU" at me a few times. I really had to stick with this though because if I had given in and gave him back his computer, i would have lost, he would have won and he would know that he would always get his way with me. NO SIR! Not gonna happen :)
The next day he was able to have his computer back because he finally listened to me and took me serious the night before. He was good, and could now play on it.
But I make it very clear to him and remind him whenever I need to that it will be taken away again if he is acting out. He believes me now :P
Do not give in! Stay on track and focused!
It's easy to give in to your child, you do not want to see them sad or upset, so it can be hard to discipline them every time you need to. But every single time you give in to them, they gain a certain amount of power OVER YOU. They are being the boss, the parent, and are making their own rules. As a parent, that is your job and only yours to do.
You would like your children to grow up well structured and know what is right and wrong, know what is good and bad, know what good behavior is compared to bad behavior, and to know what is and what isn't acceptable. With these rules in place it is so much easier to raise a child!
When you find yourself in the middle of a time out, or taking something away from them, or just in the middle of a huge temper tantrum, just remember what I said above. Your actions, right now, are what will shape your child into the person he is going to grow up into! Your decisions are the most important thing right now. To give or not to give that time out, to take or not take away your child's favorite toy, to explain to them or not explain to them what they are doing is wrong, it's up to you.
My views on spanking
I will admit, I have spanked a few times in the past, and quickly learned it does nothing but upset the child and can make them fear you, and it definitely upset me in ways I cannot even describe. I will never spank again. I know that it does not work and it is usually only a way to get our own anger and frustrations out. My opinion.
There are so many other methods of discipline that will work! In a more productive way! When we become parents, it is a new adventure, and yes we all go through our ups and downs, the feelings of frustration and helplessness can sometimes overcome us and in that moment you can lose yourself. You are not thinking straight and you may spank your child. The only good thing that can come of spanking, in my opinion, is learning from it. Did it work? Did that spank teach your child not to do what he/she was doing in the first place to receive the spanking? Or did it just make things worse and you felt horrible after.
Time outs and taking things away
Time outs work if you stick to your guns. Your supposed to time the time out according to their age. If they are 3 they have a 3 minute time out. My boy gets a time out still every now and then. I opt for a time out before I take something away for a whole day. I like to give him a chance. The last time out I gave him was just on the couch in our living room. I told him he would have to sit there, quietly, for 6 minutes. This was another incident involving the computer.. I made it very clear though that he had to sit calmly for the whole 6 minutes, without yelling or screaming. I like to try to get him to understand that he needs to slow down his breathing and relax, since a tantrum is just a bunch of emotions exploding all at once. Once he finally starts to relax, he is able to sit for the 6 minutes and he always tells me he's sorry when it's all over and done with. He's in a happier mood and he can continue playing, in a nicer way :p
I do like to try a time out before taking something away from him. Taking away his computer is like the end of the world, but if the time out isn't working I will take it away. But, if he knows that his computer is on the verge of being taken away, he will usually do everything in his power to stop acting out, and will calm down.
These methods work for me, and you need to find something that works for you. Again, your child will never hate you for this, but they will learn that certain actions will result in either a time out or something they love being taken away from them.