- Family and Parenting
How To Raise Your Kids Successfully
Of course, this is totally subjective and all parents think they are doing it right most of the time based upon their past experiences. Parents often reflect back to their youth and either follow the same course as their parents did or deviate from it because of bad experiences in hoping that their way is the "correct way". Parenting is a learning process and on the job training. Parents often do not really know how well or how lousy they were parents until the kids are adults and gone. It is then a parent can gauge by their kids actions in life, handling situations, opinions, how frequent is their contact with the parents.
One thing for certain is that many times parents think they are doing the right thing, only to find out years later, it was a bad parental move that created deep resentment in the child, now adult, usually over things that mean everything to the kid, yet, nothing to the adult parent. Usually simple things parents don't even recall, yet it made an impression on the child in a major way.
So, according some Asian mothers, the following creates a wonderful successful kid that may be a math or music whiz:
No sleep-overs, no playdates, do not allow them to be in a school play or complain about not being in one, do not allow them to watch TV or computer games, not allowed to choose their extracurricular activities (that is a parent job), not allowed to get a grade less than an A, demand that the kids must be #1 in all things except gym and drama, allow kids to only play a piano or violin and practice lasts 2+ hours a day, do not allow kids to argue with you or be disrespectful, do not worry about a child's self-esteem or psyche, if a child brings home less than an A grade - parents must express their full anger and make certain the child feels badly about it, make your children know that you owe them nothing and they owe the parents everything by obeying and making them proud, children have few choices, do not allow boyfriends or girlfriends in Jr. High or HS- no dating allowed, as a parent, be willing to be the "hated" one, don't try to be your kid's best buddy, as a parent - be willing to allow the home to be a war zone as the child rebels and confronts your authority.
I don't think the Chinese or Asian method would be welcomed much in the US, but, maybe some of it should.
Pick and choose your battles and wars as a parent. Is the hurt and ill-will worth it if, as an adult, your kids still resent you?
Being a parent never ends.