ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

How to Deal With Abusive Parents

Updated on April 11, 2014

This is an exclusive title and my purpose of selecting it was to share some advice on this issue. I deeply hope it will help someone out there. Let me start sharing four verses of the Bible where, in my experience as daughter and parent it has been written in my heart. Nobody said it was easy, but neither impossible to try healthy relationships.

Ephesians 6:1- 4

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH."Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

How to identify "abuse"

There is a difference between parental discipline and abusive treatment.Discipline is: training to act in accordance with rules.While that discipline takes place, parents need to be focused that it is all for the best of the child's welfare. Disciplining is to teach the child social rules in order to live in peace with themselves and others. Parents need to learn some strategies in this process if they admit they can not do it alone.

An abusive relation takes place when a person mistreats another. It is very simple to identify an abusive relation. Sometimes in the name of "love" wrong things that shouldn't happen occur. We can identify abusive treatment:

  1. Harsh or coarsely insulting language is used.
  2. Physically, emotional or sexual abuse.
  3. Injurious treatment.

Real love is known by a healthy relationship involving respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Parents love their children. Perhaps these modern days have influenced negatively in many ways, interrupting families positive relations. Going back to basics may help when:

  • Television wasn't kid's day care.
  • Fathers knew their responsibilities as head of the family.
  • Moms were the love givers attending their homes.

We are living in materialistic existences where money, Internet, cars and other distractions are the rulers creating chaos giving birth to abusive parents.

1 Corinthians 13 says how to identify real love.

Learn the language of love...

Source

What we do to others we do to ourselves.

Nobody really is born a parent, but we all come from parents. We can learn to be a parent and we can learn to be daughters and sons. If we had an abusive childhood environment, if as an adult we are still submitted to an abusive parent...there is hope. There is no "bad" that lasts forever.

If you are an abusive parent, as well as an abused son or daughter ... you may be free of the spiritual, emotional and physical consequences. You do not need to feel oppressed by the unhealthy ways of others. Living surrendered to an unhealthy environment, by all means is being our own abuser.

What we do to others we do to ourselves. What we permit is our own fault. In an abusive relation both may become guilty. The bad weed is taken out by the roots, because abuse = abuse. On many occasions abusers were abused. It does not have to be like that, we can stop this bad action.

Children grow and leave

My three adorable children
My three adorable children | Source

Nobody is perfect

Nobody is perfect, but we can learn together to be better humans. Love is the answer and there is only one way to manifest love, found in 1 Corinthians 13. Read it over and over; write it over and over.Make it yours. Take one step at a time...you can get out of the routine that abusiveness enslaves.

The only way evil is defeated is by love. Love is a decision. We learn to love, for then we need to practice love. The Bible is the Word of God, our Creator and Savior, for us to live by. He wants you, me and all of us living in freedom and love, because he is the source of love.

If you do not believe in God, or the Bible, but you are a reader and living the hell of an abusive relation, your hope is to understand what love is about, and from all the written...what the Bible contains will not harm anyone. It nourishes our Spirit, saves our Soul, and gives us the key to free our Body.

A day of life is an opportunity

Live, care and love
Live, care and love | Source

Living by the Bible

Living by the Bible is living by love. Stay with these verses and live by them. Please let me know if you got harmed or your abusive relation got worse. I know you will write back saying how wonderful the miracle of love is.

  • Luke 6:35 " But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back ..."
  • Romans 12:9 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."
  • Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."

Can you deal with abusive parents?

See results

Life is short

Sons and daughters honor your parents.

Parents stop being abusers.

Life is short, we do not know when will we stop living. Today they are children, tomorrow they are grown ups and gone.

Make your days worthy. Write a letter to your parents saying how you feel, being honest is not a crime (say it with love). If you are an abusive parent, write a letter saying how you feel. Look at each others eyes and open those arms to embrace your love in a warm hug.

Love is the answer.

Blessings to all!


© Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill

Love is the answer

© 2013 Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Lastheart profile image
      Author

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 3 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      msnyna, I appreciate greatly your contribution to this hub. We are humans and we aren't perfect, but you are on the right path. After we do what we have to do...all we can do is just what you are doing and that is giving it to God. We all manage things different and many times it is wise to step aside while our inner batteries are charged again, again, and again. You are sensitive and strong by what you say and you trust the Lord...keep hanging there.

      Our parents have similar issues with what they lived before bringing us to this world. While there is life, there is hope.

    • profile image

      msnyna 3 years ago

      I have an abusive mother who acts very hostile towards me. She has caused so much stress between my sisters & I multiple times. We have made amends several times but it only lasts for a short time. I have opened up to her about it but she only combats with excuses. This has been ongoing since I was a kid and quite frankly, I don't see the point in subjecting myself to this kind of negativity anymore. I have come to accept who she is. I pray for her every day. I ask God to allow me to forgive her so that I don't harbor any hostility, bitterness, or resentment. It's literally draining to try to have a relationship with her.

    • Lastheart profile image
      Author

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      faith_love_hope32 you are on the right path. Love is unconditional...not everyone knows how to love.

    • faith_love_hope32 profile image

      faith_love_hope32 4 years ago

      I hope so, too, because I love my mom and understand why she's the way that she is, because of things she's been through in her life. But I do love her. She's my only parent.

    • Lastheart profile image
      Author

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      Froggy213 your Mother is a sweet heart. My parents did what they knew to do, I feel blessed that they were my parents. Perhaps in occasions we do not understand them, but we need to focus in what real love is and give it unconditional.

    • Lastheart profile image
      Author

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      faith_love_hope32 your comment is a very good contribution to this hub. Like you say it is hard, sad and love is the answer. We as individual will find different paths and strategies to deal with harmful situations.

      I hope your mom finds her peace also.

    • Froggy213 profile image

      Greg Boudonck 4 years ago from Returned to an Isla Del Sol - Puerto Rico Will Rise Strong

      I didn't really have abusive real parents, but a step father who was. I don't understand it, but we do need to look and heed God's Holy Word.

      Great hub honey

    • faith_love_hope32 profile image

      faith_love_hope32 4 years ago

      I have had to deal with these issues over the years - my brothers and I. It's hard because this parent is the only parent I have and so I don't want to shut her out completely, but there are times where I have to distance myself in order to be healthy and happy, because this parent does not change with age nor does she get help.

      I've reached a point in my life where if I want to have her in my life, I have to just love her and accept her as she is, but that also does not mean that I have to put up with her abuse when she decides to dish it to me. I will not be abused by anyone and my choice in life is to be happy, so sometimes that means distance. Love is the answer, but sometimes the person being abused has to walk away if the person doing the abuse will not change or get help. It's hard and it's sad.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)