How to Deal With Abusive Parents
This is an exclusive title and my purpose of selecting it was to share some advice on this issue. I deeply hope it will help someone out there. Let me start sharing four verses of the Bible where, in my experience as daughter and parent it has been written in my heart. Nobody said it was easy, but neither impossible to try healthy relationships.
Ephesians 6:1- 4
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH."Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
How to identify "abuse"
There is a difference between parental discipline and abusive treatment.Discipline is: training to act in accordance with rules.While that discipline takes place, parents need to be focused that it is all for the best of the child's welfare. Disciplining is to teach the child social rules in order to live in peace with themselves and others. Parents need to learn some strategies in this process if they admit they can not do it alone.
An abusive relation takes place when a person mistreats another. It is very simple to identify an abusive relation. Sometimes in the name of "love" wrong things that shouldn't happen occur. We can identify abusive treatment:
- Harsh or coarsely insulting language is used.
- Physically, emotional or sexual abuse.
- Injurious treatment.
Real love is known by a healthy relationship involving respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Parents love their children. Perhaps these modern days have influenced negatively in many ways, interrupting families positive relations. Going back to basics may help when:
- Television wasn't kid's day care.
- Fathers knew their responsibilities as head of the family.
- Moms were the love givers attending their homes.
We are living in materialistic existences where money, Internet, cars and other distractions are the rulers creating chaos giving birth to abusive parents.
1 Corinthians 13 says how to identify real love.
Learn the language of love...
What we do to others we do to ourselves.
Nobody really is born a parent, but we all come from parents. We can learn to be a parent and we can learn to be daughters and sons. If we had an abusive childhood environment, if as an adult we are still submitted to an abusive parent...there is hope. There is no "bad" that lasts forever.
If you are an abusive parent, as well as an abused son or daughter ... you may be free of the spiritual, emotional and physical consequences. You do not need to feel oppressed by the unhealthy ways of others. Living surrendered to an unhealthy environment, by all means is being our own abuser.
What we do to others we do to ourselves. What we permit is our own fault. In an abusive relation both may become guilty. The bad weed is taken out by the roots, because abuse = abuse. On many occasions abusers were abused. It does not have to be like that, we can stop this bad action.
Children grow and leave
Nobody is perfect
Nobody is perfect, but we can learn together to be better humans. Love is the answer and there is only one way to manifest love, found in 1 Corinthians 13. Read it over and over; write it over and over.Make it yours. Take one step at a time...you can get out of the routine that abusiveness enslaves.
The only way evil is defeated is by love. Love is a decision. We learn to love, for then we need to practice love. The Bible is the Word of God, our Creator and Savior, for us to live by. He wants you, me and all of us living in freedom and love, because he is the source of love.
If you do not believe in God, or the Bible, but you are a reader and living the hell of an abusive relation, your hope is to understand what love is about, and from all the written...what the Bible contains will not harm anyone. It nourishes our Spirit, saves our Soul, and gives us the key to free our Body.
A day of life is an opportunity
Living by the Bible
Living by the Bible is living by love. Stay with these verses and live by them. Please let me know if you got harmed or your abusive relation got worse. I know you will write back saying how wonderful the miracle of love is.
- Luke 6:35 " But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back ..."
- Romans 12:9 "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good."
- Ephesians 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Can you deal with abusive parents?
Life is short
Sons and daughters honor your parents.
Parents stop being abusers.
Life is short, we do not know when will we stop living. Today they are children, tomorrow they are grown ups and gone.
Make your days worthy. Write a letter to your parents saying how you feel, being honest is not a crime (say it with love). If you are an abusive parent, write a letter saying how you feel. Look at each others eyes and open those arms to embrace your love in a warm hug.
Love is the answer.
Blessings to all!
© Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill
Love is the answer
© 2013 Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill
Comments
AUTHORmsnyna, I appreciate greatly your contribution to this hub. We are humans and we aren't perfect, but you are on the right path. After we do what we have to do...all we can do is just what you are doing and that is giving it to God. We all manage things different and many times it is wise to step aside while our inner batteries are charged again, again, and again. You are sensitive and strong by what you say and you trust the Lord...keep hanging there.
Our parents have similar issues with what they lived before bringing us to this world. While there is life, there is hope.
I have an abusive mother who acts very hostile towards me. She has caused so much stress between my sisters & I multiple times. We have made amends several times but it only lasts for a short time. I have opened up to her about it but she only combats with excuses. This has been ongoing since I was a kid and quite frankly, I don't see the point in subjecting myself to this kind of negativity anymore. I have come to accept who she is. I pray for her every day. I ask God to allow me to forgive her so that I don't harbor any hostility, bitterness, or resentment. It's literally draining to try to have a relationship with her.
- AUTHOR
faith_love_hope32 you are on the right path. Love is unconditional...not everyone knows how to love.
I hope so, too, because I love my mom and understand why she's the way that she is, because of things she's been through in her life. But I do love her. She's my only parent.
- AUTHOR
Froggy213 your Mother is a sweet heart. My parents did what they knew to do, I feel blessed that they were my parents. Perhaps in occasions we do not understand them, but we need to focus in what real love is and give it unconditional.
- AUTHOR
faith_love_hope32 your comment is a very good contribution to this hub. Like you say it is hard, sad and love is the answer. We as individual will find different paths and strategies to deal with harmful situations.
I hope your mom finds her peace also.
I didn't really have abusive real parents, but a step father who was. I don't understand it, but we do need to look and heed God's Holy Word.
Great hub honey
I have had to deal with these issues over the years - my brothers and I. It's hard because this parent is the only parent I have and so I don't want to shut her out completely, but there are times where I have to distance myself in order to be healthy and happy, because this parent does not change with age nor does she get help.
I've reached a point in my life where if I want to have her in my life, I have to just love her and accept her as she is, but that also does not mean that I have to put up with her abuse when she decides to dish it to me. I will not be abused by anyone and my choice in life is to be happy, so sometimes that means distance. Love is the answer, but sometimes the person being abused has to walk away if the person doing the abuse will not change or get help. It's hard and it's sad.
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