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How to Handle Angry Parents Shouting at You

Updated on April 21, 2014

It's never easy when you're a kid and your parents are yelling at you - sometimes it's just easier to let your parents blow off steam before you attempt any explanation. If your explanation starts off with blaming others, or making an excuse for yourself you can forget it.

Having been a kid before (it wasn't 'that' long ago, I promise...) and being a parent (my wife still thinks I'm a kid), I think we'll be able to discover a few things about what parents want, and what you want, and see if there is some cozy little spot in the middle where everyone can at least be a little content.

In this hub, we'll explore the following topics that will help you to have a better understanding of why your parents are shouting at you:

  • Dealing with Angry Parents
  • How to Handle Anger
  • Parents Don't Understand
  • Parents Want the Best for Their Children
  • Children Want to Please Their Parents
  • When the Line Between Discipline and Abuse is Crossed.

I'll show you who's going to sleep Dad!
I'll show you who's going to sleep Dad! | Source

Dealing with Angry Parents

Whether you're 9 or 39, if your parents are angry at you, it still kind of gives you the same feeling that it did all those years ago. However, if you're any adult, if you don't like what you're hearing, you can easily jump in your car and leave - not so if you're 9.

When dealing with parents that are angry, it's a crazy mixed up emotion that can excellerate into the unknown, or it can run it's course, and slowly lose steam until it pewters out. If you're a teen or pre-teen, you have to handle the situation with self control, and a boat load of tact.

You have to realize how you are communicating with your body - what your body-language is saying sometimes speak louder than what the words coming out of your mouth is. This is why a lot of misunderstanding comes about when you feel you haven't said anything to upset your parents, but your 'eye-rolls' speak your disagreement.

Once your parents are angry with you, gauge their anger - you should know more than anyone else at what level they're at. Know when to speak, and when to just hang your head and take it - especially if it's something that you know is wrong. Be mindful of your body language - it can make the difference between a phone privilege being regulated or a two week grounding.

When your parents are winding down and the intervals of silence become widely spaced, it is time for you to talk. If you know it's something that you were at fault with, anything other than I'm-sorry,-it's-all-my-fault, I didn't think it through... will only kick-start the anger again.

How to Handle Anger

Anger is a very powerful emotion. Some people have no problem showing everyone how angry they are - others, hide their anger and implode on themselves rather than out towards anyone. Still others gunny-sack their anger, they keep filling it with issues that make them upset while still portraying a happy-go-lucky outward attitude. But when you gunny-sack problems, there is only so much issues that it can hold, and once the limit is reached, it's a Krakatoa eruption. Unfortunately, sometimes the thing that pushes them over the top is a very minuscule issue - and the damn breaks.

It's never good to conceal your anger, it's an emotion that needs it's day in the sun. But, you can't just let it loose un-checked, you have to control it. Let out a little leash at a time and keep a tight grip on it or it will yank free, and everyone, including yourself we be hurt.

Always wait a bit until your anger has been given time to wane, if you go into a situation while you're still hot, no good can come from it. You won't be thinking straight, and things will be said that you will wish was never uttered.

Once you've calmed yourself, you can confront the person and begin by saying something along the lines of:

"...You know, I was really upset about what you did/said today/yesterday/this morning. I didn't appreciate that at all..."

When confronting the person, be very specific what the incident was that made you angry, and when it occurred. Don't bring it up if it was weeks ago, and don't put blame on the wrong person or this may blow up on you.

If the person apologizes, then all is not lost. If he/she doesn't care about the whole situation, then you'll know that you don't have to take anything from this person because he/she is not your friend. Be direct, and straight to the point. Don't let them cut you off - make sure all you have to say is said, and don't apologize for your being hurt, you'll feel better about yourself after all is said and done. If after you've said your piece, they say anything resembling, "...I'm sorry you feel that way..." or anything other than 'I'm sorry', they haven't taken responsibility for it. You may have to re-think if this person's friendship is worth it at all.

Excerpt from Anger Management

Parents Don't Understand

Sometimes parents don't understand, or they forget how important the situation was when they were your age. Sometimes they remember all too well what the situation was like and that's why you're not going to that un-chaperoned party at Lexy's this weekend.

There are several reasons why parents lean one way for this, and lean the other way for that. Usually, it's experience. I had a motorcycle when I was a teen, and offered to give a girl-friend a ride home. When her father saw us pull up, he had a cow. My cool James-Dean-like persona gave way to just some teenage kid that took another teenage kid's life into his hands.

In my defense, it was no different than if I pulled up in a car - but if I had, her father wouldn't have even looked twice. I found later, that he had gotten into a bad accident on a motorcycle when he was young. This became his reasoning behind motorcycles. If the situation was that he was assaulted while he was a paperboy, you can bet that none of his kids would have a paper route.

This is why it seems that parents don't understand, there actually 'is' reason to the madness. If there is any danger to you at all, you can bet that they won't listen to what you feel is reason, but if you approach them with sound reasoning and an intelligent and level-headed tone, they will be willing to listen. Plead your case without the wining, and stick to the facts, you just might chip away at their solid exterior to reveal some of the mushiness that makes them fold like a house of cards.

Hula practice!
Hula practice!

Parents Want the Best for Their Children

Believe it or not, most times, parents just want what's best for their children. It's in the mix somewhere between what they want for you, what they want for themselves, and what they had or didn't have at your age.

If you believe your parents really want what's best for you, than you have to prove that what you want for you is actually in line with what they want for you. You have to grow up just a little bit here when it comes to not always getting your way. You should know what battles you have a chance at fighting and winning, and what battles you don't even want to get mixed up in. Choose your battles wisely, and make sure it's something that you feel strongly for, just make sure that you have reasoning behind your action. If you can present your case to you parents with sound reasoning - even if you don't get your way - you can bet that the next time your parents will be affected and impressed with how you are bringing about issues that are important to you.

If you put your mind to what is important to your parents, you will know what they expect of you, and you will also know what will disappoint them. When you know you're wrong, it will make things go a lot smoother when you step up and admit your wrongdoing.

First place canoe paddling - it's hard not to love a winner in the family, but what if I'm not the winner?
First place canoe paddling - it's hard not to love a winner in the family, but what if I'm not the winner? | Source

Children Want to Please Their Parents

...and Yes, children want to please their parents. Sometimes theres a disconnect and neither parent nor child knows how to reach the other. If a child is looking for attention and only gets it when he/she does something wrong, and gets nothing when something good is done, then doing something wrong is what the child will continue to do.

This is why as parents, we need to be more involved especially in the up-bringing stage where experiences begin to shape the child. If the child is not given guidance during this period, it's harder to try to guide them when they are teenagers. It's hard enough trying to keep teenagers on a path - because surely they know everything about life at this age (or at least this is what their mantra is when we try to guide them).

As for kids, sometimes it's hard enough just to be a kid - what with the bullies at school, the opposite sex, and puberty to contend with. What adults think was the best times of their life could be the worst times to a kid just trying to make it.

To kids/teenagers, I would say, everything changes and nothing stays the same. If you don't like something about your life, yourself, your face, your friends, your school... don't worry, everything changes. At this point in your life, it's all about changes - give it a chance, don't put too much pressure on yourself, and experience everything! If it hurts, experience that too - when (yes, when) your heart gets broken, you'll never forget it. You have a lot to do with how you end up; bad choices that you make will lead you to a place where you won't want to be. On the other hand, good choices will lead to endless opportunities.

For parents, it seems like the first kid we have, we make all our mistakes with. By the time our grandchildren come about, we have it all nailed down. If your parents are around when you find yourself in a bad place with your kids, ask your parents - we never stop being their kids you know. If I could give you any one piece of advice, it would be to spend the time with your kids as their growing up. You might think that this is the most opportune time to make the most of your career, but your kids just want your time, and you to be there. In all you do, have peace. Kawi.

To Spank or Not to Spank

When it comes to my children and discipline:

See results
Sad snowman
Sad snowman | Source

When the Line Between Discipline and Abuse is Crossed

In the old days - and when I say old, I mean in the 1960s and earlier - discipline meant spanking. I still remember going over to my neighbor's house and seeing my neighbor's dad just beating the living daylights out of his oldest 17 year old son. This was not totally unusual - if you were growing up in that era, you seen a lot of abuse. It happened all around you, and sometimes, the teachers did the worst damage. I mean, gee, they used to used paddles to whoop kid's behinds if they got into trouble - and it was perfectly normal for the school to whoop your kids but.

I wasn't spared in any of this, although the times were changing when I was coming of age, it went on, but not as open as it used to be. The words 'physical abuse' were new hot-button words and the newspapers and local news started covering events of horrible abuse. Arrests were being made, and everyone talked about it.

If you're a parent, and you have anger issues that have, or may cause you to harm your family, get help. If you're a child and you are being abused, talk to your teacher, they will be able to get help for you, and hopefully your parents.

So when is the line crossed when it comes to discipline and abuse? If discipline is handled when a parent is angry, it probably has already crossed into abuse. Discipline occurs when parents want what is best for their child. Discipline is handled not with anger, but with love. A child should know by his/her actions, that they will be disciplined for it. It should never feel as if it came out of the blue, but whenever the offense occurs or re-occurs. Cuddling, kisses and hugs is perfectly fine, it shows that the parents don't want to discipline their children, but if they continue to disobey, they will be punished for it. Now it's perfectly fine if you don't believe in spanking your children, and it's okay if you do. As long as we always have the child's best interest in mind.


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    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 2 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      You know Sophisticated, we all go through this with our parents - most of the time it's warranted. I remember what it was like being a kid, and I know what it's like being a father. For much of it, I don't like my children not taking things seriously - especially when the result is harmful to your health. On the one part, I care for my kids and I don't want to see them get hurt. For the other, I get pissed if I already told them how to avoid it... I'm not saying your pop is right or you are wrong, I'm saying, life is tough for both parents and kids - we just hardly ever take the time to walk in each other's shoes. Peace be the journey. Kawi.

    • profile image

      Sophisticated Teen of this Era 2 years ago

      Now, don't get me wrong. My dad is a great guy, but he ts to lose his cool very quickly. Oh well.... =)

    • profile image

      Sophisticated Teen of this Era 2 years ago

      I agree on many points. See, the main discipliner in my house is my father. Now, my dad is also extremely intelligent, however, I feel like he tries to use it against me. Not by using big words, but by trying to manipulate something. o like today, he got all angry at me because I didn't "remember" a conversation we "had." I know for a fact I was silent the entire ride to school until we were close to the destination. Now, I am getting sick and he said that he asked me if I took my meds, etc. and I said no (that was the "big conversation") Then, as I go to take my meds. later on in the evening, he begins to get angry that I am getting sick and he claims to have said that I would get sick later today since I didn't take my meds. I said I don't remember, and all of a sudden, he rushes out of the bed raving and ranting and screaming, saying I am dumb for not remembering, slaps the door hard as he gets close to me, etc. But of course, I maintained posture, because, what can I do? And I a used to the yelling and all of it. Ugh, I just can't wait: A few more years, like 3, and I will be off the without having to hear him. Freedom at last!!!!!!!!!!

    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      Spoken like a person that has never raised a teenager... lol. No matter how levelheaded we think and want to be, raising kids is no easy chore. God bless the parent that stays at home because that, IS the most impossible job. But I must confess, as difficult as it is, parenting has it's most life changing benefits. It's not a thing to take lightly, and definitely not a situation to go into with blinders on - you will be mad - where ever the farthest from level-headed is, that is where you'll be. But, man, when it's good - that moment when you break through a barrier (and there will be barriers) I wouldn't trade it for all the marbles in the world. Thanks for your comment gmwilliams.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Parents are angry for many various. Many have unresolved issues. However, using anger to discipline children is inexcusable. It demontrates immature parenting. Mature parents are levelheaded in terms of disciplining their children. Harsh words can negative impact children emotionally, mentally, and psychologically.

    • KawikaChann profile image

      KawikaChann 4 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place

      Thanks for your comment Prastio, I agree that obeying our parents is paramount - not always easy to do when you're a teenager though - so much going on with the growth spurt (or lack-thereof) and puberty and peer pressure and hormones... oh boy. Peace. Kawi.

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Very inspiring hub. We must obey the parents. I think they normally angry with us if we have mistake. Thanks for the advice. Nice hub and voted up :-)