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How to Raise a Child With or Pretending ADD

Updated on May 24, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

Eric started working with children when he was still one himself. He taught first aid through Scouting. All the way to preaching to youth.

What?

Just another day.
Just another day. | Source

Medicate or Meditate?

Do not look surprised here. If you are a parent you can kind of tell. Then you still go to the doctor and the doctor prescribes things that basically slow the child’s mind down so they can concentrate and perform better. I just barely typed it in and got:

Adderall XR (amphetamine)

Concerta (methylphenidate)

Dexedrine (amphetamine)

Evekeo (amphetamine)

Focalin XR (methylphenidate)

Quillivant XR (methylphenidate)

Ritalin (methylphenidate)

Strattera (atomoxetine hydrochloride)

We will not go into specifics here about Horse Racing and Athletes from High School and up. But “doping” to enhance performance is dead wrong in just about everybody’s book or moral compass. Even if you are not a great sports fan you probably know about Russia’s big trouble here and an old controversy about Bobby Bonds (Baseball) and Lance Armstrong. This is a good place if you are more interested in this subject. Very fascinating really.

So the first point is that doping to enhance performance is just wrong in sports. But in schooling it is fully approved. And it is approved for very young children.

(just a thought – are inoculations and vaccines in the same group? That is kind of crazy but food for thought)

A poor family without insurance. Their child has a real and serious case of ADD. Quite literally is she doomed to a life of crime? Will she just get suspended and miss critical learning? But yet we see a proper medication for a problem that could almost be diagnosed in any child. I was an ADD case for sure. Probably that turned in to a “mania” later. I survived but just by the skin of my teeth and great mentors.

I do not say this to elevate myself in any way but it was not until after my doctorate degree that some shrink started using an intelligence quotient on me. Just like most manic and ADD involved folks it was quite high. But we do not know of that in adults who took ADD meds.

Boy let me tell you I am glad they did not give me the above medications. We still do not know the long term effects. There is almost no way to gauge it. How do you establish a baseline and then follow it for thirty years or into dementia and Alzheimer’s? Even if we started tracking 50 years ago we would not know.

Stand By Your Child

More Time

Perhaps a cure?
Perhaps a cure? | Source

How Boring?

Of course we needed to go through that above in order to really establish our own baseline for discussion but there is more “ground work” to do in order to establish a foundation for ultimate discussion of the faker ADD child.

I often wonder about laziness. If your mind is racing it takes hard work to make it stop or to channel it productively. We reckon that takes us right back to doping and athletic performance.

They say that you never forget how to ride a bike once you learn and practice. How fantastically true that is. In my mind that is because the intensity of fright and drive (pun intended ;-) and work to get it done. But what they do not tell you is that if you are a normal 60+ year person is that you still know how but your balance stinks and your legs are weak. So though you know how to do it you just can’t.

I know how to read but sometimes I have so many other things on my mind I just cannot concentrate on it. I have to call Bob, I have to change the oil in my car. I have to get to the gym and go on that jog!! Dinner? And yikes some work stuff.

I like to say focus pocus. Have you ever had a touch of insomnia or more and concentrated on sleeping? How did that work for you?

So we have to touch on what we call “the big let go”. Go with the flow. If you spend your time trying to control others you will “suffer” from OCD and ADHD. It is a natural fact. If you do not believe me go to a church where the preacher person sermonizes for 40 minutes. They want to control your thoughts not make you think. Go to one where the sermon is around twenty minutes and the preacher does not suffer from ADHD or OCD. A Justice once told me “Eric if you can’t do it in twenty you lost the jury”. My preaching mentor told me “Eric if you need a pulpit and an hour do something else”. You see and ADHD and an OCD need to convince themselves they have it right and that takes way too many words.

Isn’t that interesting. I feel the same way about notes for any kind of speeches. If you need them, you have an issue.

How long was the Sermon on the Mount, and how long was the Gettysburg address? Jesus did not read But Abe really did not either.

Just Kids

Yes I am the cute one.
Yes I am the cute one. | Source

They Grow Up

Love Takes Time

Now here is the juicy part of the faker. “I don’t want to”. Perfectly said. My son can play an IPad or Tablet game for thirty minutes without failure and can win interactive games in that time. One time I let him go as long as he could as a devious parent experiment. He knew I was watching and paying attention. Almost 2 hours. The “chat” ensued. There was no way he could concentrate on a game that long and not concentrate on reading, writing and arithmetic that long. “Game” over. (again pun intended ;-)

Again, who is faking what? I cannot sit down and stay on my computer for over 30 minutes. I have to go plot and clear my head. And I am not young so getting up and moving around is critical for health. A strategy that normally works. I must have ADHD? Not likely.

I day dream to a major degree. I am mentally lazy at times. It is easier just to let it go in and out like waves. I do realize that for most that is really hard to do but years of putting it out there that way and it is easy do drift away. (Again, nuance with waves)

So here is the quiz. We will take an 8 year old boy.

  1. How was school today? – Boring.
  2. What was your favorite subject today besides recess? - Nothing.
  3. What did you learn today? - Nothing.
  4. Well what did you study today? – I don’t remember.
  5. What friend did you hang out with today? – I don’t know.
  6. What did you have for lunch? – I don’t remember.

Now feel free to ask 5-10 more and if you keep getting the same sort of answers your boy does not have ADD. I am sure you see the point. No child can concentrate so hard on not giving answers if he is really “suffering” from inability to maintain a line of thought. He is paying attention also. It is clear.

Second part of the quiz is (as above referenced) give him the TV or any fun game device and see if he can watch for an hour straight. Pay attention and ask him what the show or game was about and if he does the same as the first part of the test he is faking it.

Well I hope you do not think we are going to end by saying he does not go to the doctor. Take him immediately and go through the above with the good doctor. If he still prescribes medicine instead of therapy or a good mentor. Fire him and get another pediatrician. Good pediatricians will give referrals to such.

It is that simple yet it takes time. Spend it.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mary we are so blessed here where my time with my boy is my job. It is hard sometimes and I want to scream. My wife reminds me that she has a "real" job and it makes her scream.

      We laugh and hug around here and dope is not an option. (well except for oncology)

      Peace

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      3 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

      I agree with you on this doping issue. I do hope we get a better handle on this but the best is to observe your kid as you do.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Dora, my boy went "off the charts" today. What a blast working through it. We are putting in a few. Yes putting as in golf. Slow down, breath and kick some butt. I will take no prisoners.

      I can only offer time.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      3 weeks ago from The Caribbean

      "Doping to enhance performance [of any kind] is just wrong." Saw a talk show recently on which the wife on Adderall accused her husband of the most ridiculous behavior including bringing another woman into the bed while she, the wife, was asleep in the same bed. Don't let the wannabe quick-fixers mess up our children.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hey Sam thank you for your insightful comment. I had to figure on it for a bit.

      It made me think of nature vs. nurture and teaching commonality as opposed to conformity.

      Maybe as a parent we really can't balance that.

      Like you said it is the tool-set that must be taught and I think example may do best at that.

      I will discuss this straight up with my son (9) today.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela. Such goodness you share with us. I reckon I did good here already. My peoples looked into the matter. Boyo I got no answers. But I know the questions to ask.

      My son just climbed rocks and hike Mt. Helix. If he has time to be hyper, I am sure he will let me know!!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Manatita my Lantern of Love. You once again light a loving way with us. Wonderful you are.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Elijah we are not having fun here we are very serious. Funny about that but my boy and I are having fun being serious about some Islam stuff.

      His mind races like mine. More on that in another Boy teacher deal.

      But I love my friends making me the student -- and that is fun and serious.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Liz it just takes time and effort as you refer. I just did it with the young with about 8 children. We never got there. Oh two had it for sure. Some intervention via medication helped for about two years. And then I stopped it.

      Love and attention and getting the activity and plenty of sleep and music and prayer. Are something I just do with my life. It rubs off.

    • Sam Shepards profile image

      Shepards 

      4 weeks ago from Europe

      Yes, but although I was a little sarcastic there, I do believe most people are born more intelligent than they become later on in life. To become a good member of society often means cutting a lot of creativity and energy that these small humans have. To nurture all aspects of a child and making sure he/she has the toolset to thrive in society is probably the most difficult balancing act as a parent. Creativity and spirituality (I dislike the word, because it means something different these days) is often lost, but it's a way to channel that energy.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ajado, thank you. Love pours from your concern and helping. Sometimes I work with kids for me. They do not seem to care or maybe it does make a difference. More thought on that - I think we all need to be needed.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela you really have a great perspective here. We have a great pediatrician and says exercise and together time and helping time (both ways) deals with it and if it does not come back Jack. I took his advice and boom.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Sam's comment is great. certainly if 95% of children were above then there would be no above. But I was speaking exactly to the issue of real ADD children. Probably about 1% and in that 1% probably the children are kind of bored with normal flow of learning. We maybe should diagnose that first.

      Such a great point Sam that I will devote another article right on that. Thanks.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori it definitely is my pleasure indeed that you opened up the issues more clearly. Thank you for being my friend.

      Lori I have put myself to sleep going on for 30 ;-)

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      4 weeks ago from UK

      AD and ADHD were terms I didn't come across many years ago. Now I hear them referred to regularly. This is an interesting and common sense article. I wonder if these conditions are a little like autism and that we are all on the spectrum somewhere. It's just a case of figuring out where we and our children are and, in more serious cases what kind of treatment is appropriate.

    • Endy Noble profile image

      Ajodo Endurance Uneojo 

      4 weeks ago from Lokoja, Nigeria.

      Eric, the points are simple.

      Concentration goes with interest.

      Every child at least has something he or she concentrates on.

      I think the problem is more of a psychological one than it is physiological. So the solution should tend toward psychological therapies not medicinal.

      Most children with concentration problems have high IQ...and then a racing mind. You have to help them slow down their minds. I did it with my nephew who had problem learning how to read.

      "One word per day" spelling, pronunciation, meaning, origin and what have you. But no more than one work per day. That is a whole lot of work, time and energy and that requires patience.

      Like you said...it takes time, and we have to spend it...no matter the form the problem takes. But for me, no drug/medication therapy.

      Thanks for sharing, Eric.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      4 weeks ago from Sunny Florida

      Eric, I think you made in clear that these diagnosis are real for some young people, but certainly some children can practice to deceive. I think a psychiatrist would diagnosis this properly in most cases.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      4 weeks ago from Pacific Northwest

      Eric thanks for sharing. And I'll let you know a little secret, 45 minute sermons have been known to make me cross eyed, drool, or nod off. Ssh don't tell anyone.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela I hope that in my statement to go see a doctor I was encouraging and letting people know it can be very real. And so can many problems.

      But there are fakers. And no one thinks about that.

      All psychiatric orders are real in proper diagnosis.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      4 weeks ago from Sunny Florida

      When my 3rd son was about 2 or 3 some decades ago, my neighbor kept telling he was hyperactive, and encouraged me to go to the doctor to get him medication. He was an active young boy, but grew up just fine, did well in school, and I didn't even consider medication.

      I just worked with my son and tried to focus his attention on something he liked to do. I do think children are over medicated without a doubt. I think medications are warranted for some, but hardly so many. Interesting discussion Eric.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 weeks ago from london

      Lori I liked your apology to Eric. Touching! We are all children on Mother's lap. No real right or wrong when the Heart means well. The Divine sees all.

      I'm so proud of you! We are sparks of the eternal Light, trying, in different ways, to find our way Home.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori I was praying on your comments. (for me better than thinking on them)

      I am bi-polar and have cancer issues. Diagnosis and reactive, preventative and palliative medical intervention is required. Because of my early diagnosis in both here I am and some even say productive, although I doubt their wisdom on those. No question Abe was bothered. As clearly Einstein and Michelangelo were.

      Let us emphasize seeing docs.

      On the issue of mind control via long services I retract as your points are valid. But still anyone who sits in a 45 minute service is kind of (I don't know). Maybe they are organized for that. But maybe trained for that? I will ask three what they though of the sermon using a 25 minute quote and see.

      Great points. Great stuff to think on. I call you friend and truly mean it.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ms. Colbo - full on honesty on how you feel in any given moment is welcome in my heart. I think your comment is awesome and reminded me to read Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,

      And when he is old he will not depart from it.

      More later, again. My wife says to pull up this weed and that but she does not understand some weeds a good.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      4 weeks ago from Pacific Northwest

      I sent you an email but want to apologize to you qnd everyone for reacting the way I did. Having a bad day and and I wasn't at my best.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori, I am just soaking up your comment. You are so good at expressing and your expressions and impressions are so often fully teachable moments. Thanks a big old ton of gold.

      I will be back to it after I get out there and do some tilling - oops not minds but actual soil ;-) That is how I will concentrate on your thoughts, just me.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mr. Sam you are so right on. My boy and I do at least 2 a night; volleyball, soccer, golf, basketball or baseball catch. We also do a rock jumping deal for hiking. Or we go for the walk/hike.

      If you know my Boy Teacher articles you would know my son has all of the above, but suffers from none. The time is for the parent and the child gets the medicine of fun and bonding.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda that is so cool you asked that question and it is a one minute answer with great bonding.

      Jog and walk. Isn't that cool? 10 minutes 4 times a week will get it started. You can build up. I like as soon as the second person gets home.

      The 'cliche' quality time pushing it and getting healthy seals that deal. In just a week or two the child wants it and looks forward to it. The parent needs it. Whahoo!

      My elder children always come around and we do it even in their thirties. But we beach walk, swim and run too.

      I could so go on and on - pardon me.

      They were all diagnosed with the problem. They all have degrees in Universities. Drugs behind kicked out.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 weeks ago from london

      interesting discussion... pretty cool advice and a cocktail of dangerous drugs.

      I like your rationale. You haven't done too badly. Happy you did not take all that stuff.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      4 weeks ago from Washington DC

      Thank you Linda and Shepards for rescuing my brother Eric, he had already explained himself. LOL But that's what these kind of forums are for, communicating for bringing our understanding into agreement although sometimes it is a bit painful at first glance.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      4 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

      I have been wondering if these kids who are shooting up the schools are on some kind of drugs? I do know that there are true cases of ADD and OCD and for sure there is true cases of PDS ( post dramatic syndrome ) My friend Tom had this and he still fought the war at Iwo in his dreams. Another interesting article to think about..

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Oh my I will be back. So many friends commenting and so many other readers. I will read all and then adjust the article. My heart is so pleased with your input.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill Kovicik.

      Oh for sure Bill. I have good and bad days but try not to let a perceived illness block me from getting down to love and herbal health.

      You are a blessing my friend.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill I bet you broke all protocol and hugged them to death of problems. Jim David was my such a teacher. God bless you and him.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Elijah I love your first question because to my mind it shows the less than accurate initials. Very cool.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      4 weeks ago from Pacific Northwest

      I have two kids with that diagnosis, one was simply not right. He had undiagnosed Aspergers. The medications

      are terrible. It works if it's a legit diagnosis but it makes them vulnerable to addiction and other issues. But boy, I feel for anyone who has hyperactivity. Whether it's clinical or not it is so difficult to live with. And I do believe it's over diagnosed as well.

      Friend, I take issue with your comments on mind control. For the preacher you are judging his integrity. A good preacher who preaches between 30 to 40 minutes is not practicing mind control. He is teaching the word of God. Teaching and preaching are not mind control it's teaching. As a matter of fact, I am a Bible study teacher. I

      have no thought of controlling people's minds. As a matter of fact, I don't believe in mind control. It's to say that one human being has the capacity to control people's thoughts. Influencing yes, but man does not have the capacity to control minds. Then you say people who practice mind control will become OCD or ADHD. No offense but that's really untrue. OCD is a clinical, biological illness. I know some who have it and they are far from mind controllers. People use that word with little to no understanding of what real OCD is. They say things like "Oh, she is so OCD" when she has certain habits. It's the same with bipolar and schizophrenic. Perhaps I am too sensitive but as one who struggles with mental health issues, I am bothered by your comments. They sting. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you mean by mind control. If so I would love some clarity.

      Love you Eric you are just an awesome guy. Don't hear me saying anything different. Probably no one would agree with me but those are my thoughts.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      My son just graduated from Dinosaur club yesterday, not quite hat and gown but close. The best I can describe is "sensitivity learning" how awesome because we do not do sensitive around here.

      We do brutal honesty. But that takes so much time and effort to work through.

      Again he is raising me.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very sorry there Elijah and a big thank you to my good Friend and wonderful dog lover for doing that work. We are just having a lovefest here which is our one job.

    • Sam Shepards profile image

      Shepards 

      4 weeks ago from Europe

      @The0NatureBoy

      OCD -> obsessive-compulsive disorder

      ADD -> the D you are missing is Deficit

      ADHD -> Hyperactive, the rest is the same as ADD.

      ADD = parents think they have a very very bright kid, but underperforms at school.

      ADHD = same as above, but besides underperforming kid is doing all kinds of things that are not allowed, temper tantrums at 15 years old. 75% of the cases some extra sports and good parenting solves the problem, these days people believe that's the teacher's job...

      Besides being a little sarcastic here, I'm ok with people labeling, but please 95% of the children can't have above average intelligence... Maybe that's the kind of math their highly intelligent children use...

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      4 weeks ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)--I saved you the work of defining them for Elijah--I'm sure you will agree are real disorders, but as Billybuc said they have been over-diagnosed.

      Handing a pill to a child is easier than parenting, but do you want to be a lazy parent or a good one? I know your answer, and I agree with you on your assessment.

      I have a friend whose 10-year old son doesn't try (homework in the evening is a nightmare) and acts out in school. I've told her I think he's bored, but he also just doesn't seem to be motivated. He has a big case of "I-don't-care-itis." What can she do to help him?

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      4 weeks ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      I agree with Bill H. We always referred to it as hyperactive I think new illnesses are sometimes just invented for money. Not to generalize, sometimes drugs may be needed, but I bet it's not near as often as they're prescribed. Thanks for the info, Buddy!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      This was a tough one when I was teaching back in the 90's. ADD and AdHD were the new catch phrases for a hyper-active kid....suddenly every parent of a misbehaving child thought ADHD was to blame, so off to the doctors for some meds....let's just say I was skeptical at best.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      4 weeks ago from Washington DC

      Eric, I hear all of those abbreviations but don't know what any means, you should have spelled them out at the end or beginning so I could know what you are saying. I know ADD means "Attention (something) Disorder" but ADHD and OCD I have no idea so will you enlighten me?

      I did get primary meaning of the piece and agree, Thanks!!

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