How to Support Children, and Electronics

Probably most folks think of “supporting a child” as a type of “Child Support like the one ordered by a court. Too often we stop at the material support of a child and not the other types of support. I think the financial support can be broken down to facts and figures and cash. Let us look at other types of support maybe circle back to monetary support.

It would be wise to keep in mind that matters regarding child rearing should fit into a lesson for us from us. That lifestyle notion is important here. The old “do as I say, not what I do” went out with whoopings with a belt. And we now know that even with a pet, positive reinforcement is far better than brutal negative responses to wrong behavior. Certainly we should apply all of that even to a work situation.

Now to be sure this method of support requires a sandwich approach no matter how macho or macha we are. The two layers of bread here is simple. First thing in the morning and last thing at night is the affirmation of “I love you”. This is even done after wrong actions of the day. Very seldom have I invoked this with spouse or child without the “I love you too” coming back at me. We remember that allowing and promoting a child, or we could say supporting a child to give love is crucial to well-being for all of us.

So we should really switch our thinking to adult mode. Baby talk, we seriously hope is out of the picture. Using adult words is in the picture. We fall into a bad trap when we use simple words so the child understands what we mean. But we should be using adult words so the child understands a new word and what it means. Understanding what you mean as opposed to growth is in a way selfish, especially since it takes time to teach and support the child in learning new things. (We can see this applies to all family members)

So we set the stage for support with a good practical understanding. Everyday little things and practice makes for closing in on perfect. In these basics we are inviting the young one into our world not containing him in his. Of course this is tempered by giving free reign for the child to be a child. I require equal play in his world as any type of electronics. Let us move on to that issue of electronics.

Here is a principal that is not logical but really works. If the girl does something good it means she is a good girl and should be told. If she does something bad, what she did is bad but she is still good. I know that sounds too unrealistic. Reality in it’s totality is often brutal. We do not need to teach reality. We need to create a strong feeling of self worth so that reality is not avoided or shirked. It goes like this; This is a bad situation but I am good so I can be part of the solution. If you hammer them too early on this it does not lend itself to strong growth.

So how do electronics work into this stuff? I have a printout from our fantastic pediatrician going into healthy habits. Nutrition is easy and fun if you so choose. Physical exercise really needs the parent to engage also. If you want to lose weight play soccer with your youngster daily. That is great exercise.

The printout says no more than two hours of electronics per day! Please if your child does this much, please, please make adjustments. My wife much too often uses them as a babysitters so she can take care of her things. And so we say ok for 30 minutes a day. There are two types of electronics. Interactive and passive. On long hot Saturdays I will bump up to a little over and hour. But it has to be interactive for the most part. Our lives are ruled by these things, like it or not. (I must admit that aside from writing I leave my stuff including my phone alone) But you cannot raise a child to be a luddite. The more they can kick butt on computerized mechanisms the more time they have to complete tasks and think.

I look back on life and my childhood tools were more along the lines of pocket knives and our wonderful three sets of encyclopedias. Shovels and hatchets were cool also. Maybe it is better that my boy has a tablet instead of a slingshot. Just saying.

I am a freak about sleep. Upper norms are my rule. Electronics can cut into that and that is bad indeed. And here is a fun one – I play his tablet with him sometimes. Wow are there sophisticated hand-eye-mind games out there. I also caught my son reading a little book about some game. That is so positive. We also have a tablet which is indentical to the ones they use in school. Man there are some great cyber tools out there in every subject.

So just like sugar, electronics are not a boogyman. They are not bad in and of themselves. It is how we use them.

There was someone who said that generals should lead from the rear. That is questionable. But one thing along those lines is crystal clear. Parents need to lead from the front until the activity is well withinthe grasp of our child. Funny to think of “support” from the “rear”. Like pushing on someones butt to get them up a ladder. It just makes me giggle.

Here is sometimes a sticky concept. I really do not like being supported all that much, I feel it interferes with my motivation and creativity. I need support when I dock my boat like resupplying and fueling, but do not want it when I am sailing. Leave it to your child to sail once she has learned the basic. I love the term helicopter mom. My wife is a phone helicopter mom. We laugh too hard at her expense. After school we must report in and then get the phone when she double checks. No I have not taught my boy to lie just to make mom happy –“I am doing homework” when playing with dad out back. The other day I watched the boy put a book open next to the phone. I watched in interest. When he picked up the phone he readily said he was looking at his book. No I cannot condone or support the trickery but I admire the innovation and understanding.

So let us take a good look and support and what it means to you. Does it mean not criticizing? No I think that is not it as that is important. Does it mean “oh I just love that drawing Susie” when it stinks. Maybe because you love it because she drew it, I make that real clear. How about chores and maintaining their space? Call me a coward, he earns more electronic time for doing well here and restrictions for not. Actually there I support his growth, we must learn consequences.

The criminal defendant. When the world wants to punish for perceived wrongful conduct do we support and defend? That one is so tough in a school setting when parent teacher aids can be judge and jury without training. In order to support we must promote authority. A child who perceives himself as not respecting authority will fulfill that notion.

Perhaps nothing new here. Perhaps the best I did here was remind you of what you already knew. No matter what do the sandwich of love deal. The rewards are heaven sent.