How to avoid abusing your child. Five easy steps.

Have you ever seen someone who is surrounded by love and caring, who has their needs provided for be angry? Very rare indeed. Now apply that to a parent and we will eradicate child abuse. Let us start with you and your home. Let us cure you so that you can protect your children from yourself.

Of course this is easier said than done. Can you imagine that, in this day and age it is difficult to surround a parent with nurturing, caring and love. Well it is in some cases. With that being the case besides God there is one we can turn to in order to make that happen. Ourselves. Yes we are talking about you. We see you there pointing a finger at your chest and looking around to see if it is really you we are pointing at, like a deer with your eyes caught in headlights. Yes you and if not you then who.

At least if we start with you others my follow.

So let us see how we go about doing that.

Here is a plain fact it takes just as much time to get angry with little Johnny and yell at him as it does to say “that is a very bad thing to do please do not do that” “now come here and give daddy a hug, as it does to yell and threaten. Now just assume you are Johnny. Which method are you going to respond to more positively? Yes there is the danger that he will do it again just to get your attention --- but wait, he should be getting that already so there really is not that danger unless you do not give him attention.

But ha ha ha, we pulled one over on Johnny. We got the hug too! Now hugging yourself is just fine and we all need a hug or two a day. So why not do it when the boy acts up, what better time? There is nothing better than a hug from a 4 year old boy. (girls are a little too clingy hihihihhi)

Now clearly there are things little Johnny will do that will make you very angry that is just the nature of things. Johnny will be very bad (very bad is doing something deliberately and rebelliously that he already knows full well not to do and could cause harm) there are reasons for this behavior and they are Johnny’s problem. So scold hard and mean and scary and then hug. And ask the little brat what is the matter, why does he feel like he needed to do that? Do not worry that he will not answer or say the great “I dunno”. Four year olds are smart he will think about it.

And again you got a hug and you needed it right then.

One hour max per day. And plan for it. Set a time for it. Anticipate it. Participate in it. We recommend one show like a Sesame Street or Super Reader and one of their pick. Those run about 20 minutes without commercials and so you should be running DVD’s or NetFlix or the like, because we do not want commercials – not good.

Carrots, Apples, Celery, PB&Js and the like are to be specially prepared. Takes about 30 seconds but make a big deal. Make sure you drop by and participate at least several times. But otherwise it is like he is in a prison of his mind and so you can either run around or put your feet up. But boyo boyo from day one that TV goes off when you say it does and that is predetermined. So get something next to do immediately. Optimum is then the walk, ride or what have you outside. Again the joke is on Johnny. No matter how busy you are you will be more productive, happier and healthier if you exercise 20 minutes a day. Be good to yourself, get that minimum exercise and fresh air, you deserve it and it will chill you out, which will lead to less need to take it out on Johnny. And when you finally lay down you will sleep much better. Plus it de-hypers the boy which makes your life better. Weather and darkness are not excuses, in fact that is how Johnny learns about such things. Winter time it is dark early, even though the streets are well lit, Johnny get his own flashlight – how fun is that.

Now we know there are those that rally against the TV. Well they just are not doing it right. Animal shows, shows about dinosaurs and butterflies, come on just do your home work and use the tool like any other, responsibly with a balance followed by the real world.

My “little Johnny” is in a phase. Hates to get in and hates to get out. How frustrating! If it is a real issue we recommend to have a carrot and a stick. To get him in develop this terrible habit ;-). Pull a stool up next to the tub. And soak your tired feet. Normally Johnny will want to get in to play. Now be good to yourself and soak your feet, take care of those babies that take care of you. (One time here, the plan did not work, johnny was not too dirty, so I just relaxed did not worry about it and soaked my feet for ten minutes) Then played chase Johnny around with a wet washcloth and finally got his face, neck and hands clean after laughing too hard. You do not win every battle so enjoy “defeet” as much as victory.

The stick is this, you grab one arm and with your other arm you grab Johnny securely around the waste and very sternly carry his little butt and plop him down in the bathtub. We had to do this three times in row and now just the look will get him in compliance. There no longer is a choice. Although we did it just for fun fully clothed just the other night --- too much fun.

Now when we tell him bath time he just asks pleadingly that I soak my feet with him – life is tough ;-)

For a great part the author was raised by a single mom. And the home is “headed” by a Tax Pro which means single parenting for three months a year. Sunday was her first day off since January 15^th. So the author is not ignorant and in fact experienced in such matters. Though technically not a single parent we think many households face similar challenges like Military and Doctor’s families, or travelling salesman types.

You absolutely in this life need support groups. Man is a social beast. Man needs nurture and community. It is essential for well-being. It is also essential to teach our children how to socially interact. So there you have it. A reality made in heaven. Get a support group. I know many “Christian” moms who have little belief but they sure believe in the community and support that a church with other moms and children can give. That is cool. Some just get up during service and take Johnny out to the play ground that has all the cool stuff and just hang out with other moms doing the same, but then come back in for the food after service. Right on I say!

Baby be good to yourself and you will have no reason to be mean to anyone else.