Should You Get a Divorce? Free Counseling.

So many times one spouse plays the unknowing victim of the hell levied upon them. Knock it off and get over it. If what he has done or she has done is unforgivable -- That is your failure to forgive, not their failure to repent. Look at marriage as a "my deal" kind of thing. Projecting upon the other party what is a "should" is a loser's point of view.

People playing the role of the victim in divorce , - , need a divorce to free the other person. Does that seem harsh? You cannot fix them so fix yourself.

Sorry I know that is harsh. And sometimes the best policy is to walk away. If you want to run a guilt and misery routine, I suggest you do, right down the hell path that that takes you.

Do not get a divorce out of weakness or submission.

Here are some simple Biblical facts. The Bible has great advice about marriage and divorce. It explains the beauty of marriage and it generally is opposed to divorce. If we assume the Bible was inspired by God for man, then we must look at the marriage of the time. Women were property of the man. Put that into perspective, the main reason for prohibition of divorce was that it would leave the woman homeless without income along with her children. Now that just is not right, then or now. Well times have changed.

Here are some good reasons to get divorced or not. Full blown insanity. Yes if your spouse is 100% crazy you should divorce. I know, I already hear the whining – “if you truly loved your spouse and held true to your vows you would stay and take care of them.” That is stupid thinking. A normal person is not qualified to help an insane person, they will end up hurting both. Alcoholism and habitual domestic violence are such insanities. In this case it is not about you but about them.

.Adultery is not a reason for divorce unless it is an addiction and repetitive. Life is complicated. There but for the grace of God go I. Adultery is just the right thing to forgive and move on. I hate the concept and it makes me sick. But it is a weakness not an evilness. Extract proper revenge in the relationship but do not end it for that error. (please put a short time on the sentence of penance)

Believe it or not – it is proper to get divorced for the children. A single, loving parent, with stability and security is just plain better for a child than to live in anger and hate and any violence. In fact I would tend toward a divorce on the grounds that one parent is just downright a really bad parent. Sorry but it is true. Some folks just do not get it and it ends up being dangerous.

Hate and anger and dislike. If both spouses suffer from this it is not time for a divorce. It is time for a separation. Chill out! Separate some property, asset and liability issues for a while and get that strain lifted. Set weekly dates in advance. Schedule joint and separate time with children. Keep the spouse that leaves the home welcome in it. Use the separate time with the children as “me time” for the other. Go to counseling. At all times speak well of each other. We are not machines and love requires work.

I was doing some investigation for a husband and wife team that work together. They need a separation. Children are not at issue. Business dealing are a huge problem. I told them each on the phone, that there is a box that needs to be checked in the court forms; “irreconcilable differences”. Or we know it as no fault divorce. My goodness what a travesty! Differences are not to be reconciled. They are to be respected and honored. I have never met a more boring couple, or unhappy one, than one that does not have differences. People who find their identity in other people may need some separation until they can find themselves. The one with no identity issues needs to help the one with them and that might mean some alone time. That is separation and not divorce.

Divorce coaches. They are the devil incarnate. They are the meddling friends that convince you and agree with you that your spouse is horrible and terrible and you have to divorce. They are really sick people. I knew a woman who was talking a woman into divorce --- and she had slept with the husband.

Let me end with some fun. I am lucky I have had two great marriages, both longer than average. I have great loving relationships with my ex-wife and my wife of over a decade. I think my relationship with my ex, helps keep my wife jealous. But here is an interesting part, I had a great divorce. Our children did great with it. Our love shined through. All three older children from that marriage are awesome huge individuals. They contribute to society, they have great educations, a firm grasp of spiritualism and humanitarianism. They are successful and very happy. Divorce was not the end of our family, it was a proper and necessary adjustment. I shudder to think what would have happened without it.

Divorce is a dividing line for certain issues. It does not free us from moral obligations or continuing with a loving spirit. Divorce is a call to action to give more, be more and hope more. It is not the death of a relationship, it is the wonderful beginning of a new one. Once married we are married forever. Love may not grow with us, but it remains forever.

Advice hotline. Right here. I do not proclaim to be able to solve your problems. But I asure you that I care and will help you understand your problems better. I say understanding a disease is the first step in curing it. Love can suffer from disease also.

I do not give a hootin faluting about you all. I care about love. So call me up at 858-736-4432. Maybe divorce is right for you and maybe not.

But I love you and hope for you the best and you make my life better by serving you. It is a win win situation. You help me to help you and that is good for me and you.

I think most of us live in a world where we decide right and wrong and want to win. That leads to people not letting you change lanes on the freeway and tailgating just to get in front of you. Strange behavior. Totally asinine. But go ahead act like that with your wife. Lawyers love you and you are the total fool. We people recognize you "scorched earth" concept folks and deplore you. Stay away. Do not act surprised when you best friend says "screw you" you idiot.

Love can last properly past a break-up but not if you are an idiot.. Get with the obvious program and get help. Not help to "win" but help to prosper in tough times.