How to Get Your Child to Respect You Enough to Listen to You.
From sweet to tyrant. The changling.
They came home from the hospital all delightful and endearing and we, the unsuspecting parents, were captivated by the most beautiful, intelligent and talented newborn to ever grace the planet. " Fool me once- right? In fact it is us, the unsuspecting parents who are playing the bigger part in the hoax. We actually believe their amazing personality and talent will steer them into being the most perfect offspring to... again... grace the planet. When the tyrant, the unrelenting dictator emerges we are totally caught off guard. This is the defining moment. A moment that typifies the standard for similar events that will occur throughout a child's lifetime. How you respond to this quagmire, the metaphorical pulling out the rug from under your feet... will establish the precedent of a lifetime and play a big role in your child's development and personality.
For some parents confrontation with their child is a battleground.
Some children are strong-willed. Some are spoiled. Others have been hurt. While others are just flat out defiant. Whatever the case the fact remains that communication can be improved no matter the circumstances.
For some parents confronting their children about their behavior is a harrowing ordeal. So harrowing that the parent would rather ignore the indiscretion rather than face their child's outrageous reaction. Sooner or later we all will have to confront our child's behavior. Sooner is much better. In this article are some great tips to help confrontation with your child go more smoothly. If you apply them, they work.
There is a cure. Perseverance!
If you are looking for the quick cure to a long term problem this is not the right article for you. Why? There is no such thing as a quick cure... it does not exist if you have already handed control to the younger boss, that is, the child. The thing about creating a monster by not holding him or her accountable for bad behavior is the monster has grown quite content with running his or her own show with your permission. Don't expect that they will willingly hand the power back to you. They will fight you to the end to maintain the status quo.
A common mistake parents make is blaming the child for being a monster. In some cases this is not a misconception but is in fact true - it is also the exception. Most monsters are created by their parents.
You might ask, " what does blame have to do with it?"
Its not about assigning blame. Its about assigning responsibility. The ball was always in your court and the sooner you understand this, the better off you are. For whatever reason be it good or bad you gave in to defeat. You surrendered your position as a parent and a teacher and if you want it back you will have to recognize your forfeiture for what it is... and what it isn't. You gave up or gave in but the child will pay the price. It " is " about them, their future and they deserve your best efforts.
Remember, no children are cut from the same cloth. You set the tone based on the individual.
When it comes to teaching or correcting your child it's good to know who you are dealing with. Don't begin with a lecture. Instead take a moment to calmly ask questions - it's the perfect time to get inside your child's head. Pause and allow your child sufficient time to answer your question and give yourself equal time to work it out in your mind as well. Always remain aware that they may or, may not, share your temperament. Their personality may be a complete opposite of yours. Learn to share your concerns and position in a manner that is effectively geared toward them. Being combative or even patronizing will provoke your child to put themselves in defense mode. You set the tone and the pace. Not the child.
In the case of parents versus children keep in mind how you struggled with your parent's demands or at the very least did not understand or agree with the point of a particular discussion. Take a moment to relive a conversation where you felt frustrated by your parents or teachers impulsive or accusatory reaction, and try not to repeat it. Take it slow. Children tend to respect those who make an effort to engage with them in an undertone of respectful inquiry. They feel heard and acknowledged therefore they are prompted to respond honestly and accordingly. The idea is to give the child an opportunity to learn rather than feel attacked for which they will learn nothing. It may take time but respectful and genuine transmission between parent and child is a must for regaining the position of parent and teacher.
If you have no intention of sticking with the program don't even start. You will do more harm than good.
Hold on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride!
It's not easy gaining your children's trust and respect if in the past you may have done things to damage it. But trust and respect can be established between child and parent when love is present. Love does not demand respect, it has been found worthy of respect. Love motives endurance and resolve on the part of the parent to do what is right on behalf of their child, no matter the effort. A loving parent will do their best to teach discipline and self worth.
Never forget that you are talking to someone who is not you. They do not always share your viewpoints because they lack the maturity to understand them.
Give it time. Don't expect your child to change toward you overnight. Remember your role in establishing the precedent so modify your behavior first. Stick with it because the respect and honor they will eventually give is well worth the time and effort.