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How to make your children behave without spanking them

Updated on August 30, 2009

Parents will all agree that children aren't always on their best behavior.

that's why us as parents have to outsmart our children. We have to be cunning, witty and fast if we are to successfully shut them up in church or keep them from ripping merchandise from the shelves at Target. I have mastered the art of trickery and let me tell you these children will do what I say when I say of it.

The first step is to go into your bathroom or any mirror in the house, look at yourself and say, "I can do this! I am believable! I will not be a prisoner to that 7 year old terrorist in my living room! I'm mad as hell and I can' take it anymore!" Then sit down and prepare for your strategy.

Strategy lies in knowing what your children love. Mines loves Christmas, so for the sake of example we'll use Christmas. When the moment comes where unruly children prevail, use Christmas. Pick up the phone (pretend to dial) and say...

"Hey...Santa?, yeah its me again. I don't know, but the kids have been kind of naughty. Yeah he said he wanted a bike but I know your rules and all..."

"Okay Santa, welp, maybe next year, I guess...okay, g'bye."

If doesn't stop your kid in his tracks, call a priest.

The art of trickery begins with us parents using the same skills we used when we were street-people, pimps, hookers, drug dealers etc. we must resort to our old habits in order to find a peace that can only otherwise come from extortion (and extortion with children works, but it should be a desperation strategy).

Love your kids, hug your kids, and when in doubt....scare the HELL out of your kids.



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      wordscribe41 8 years ago

      Nice work, I've "called Santa" once or twice myself. Bill Cosby is the KING!

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      cosette 8 years ago

      omgsh...hee hee very funny! and useful. I agree, though, a clever parent never has to resort to corporal punishment. excellent hub!