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How to Teach Kids to Listen

Updated on March 21, 2007

Because listening to others is the foundation for every relationship your child will create, it's worth the time it takes to teach. Not to mention, parenting a child who listens is WAY easier than parenting a child who ignores you.

Quick Tips To Get Kids to Listen

  • Be clear and pleasant
  • Avoid nagging
  • Use humor
  • Phrase things in a new way
  • Be concise - can you say short attention span?
  • Never baby talk to a small child
  • Avoid negatives. Instead of Don't Run, say Walk Only.
  • Don't talk down - expect maturity and you're more likely to get it
  • Don't back down or kids won't know when you're serious
  • Check for understanding by asking the child to repeat what you said
  • Make a game out of story time - lock lips and put the key in your pocket

Be a Good Listener

The trick to getting kids to listen? Listen to them first. Whether you like it or not, you show them all the time with every action how to behave. Find moments to give your child undivided attention. Take off the Bluetooth, sit down, and look at her for a minute. It doesn't need to be an hour. Just pay attention when she's excited to tell you something and she'll learn to return the favor. Ask about things they're interested in. Listening to the plot of the latest Goosebumps mystery today may pay off tomorrow.

You can also practice listening at the dinner table. It's one more reason to eat together. Let each person ask a question and everyone has to answer. Or go around the table telling a silly story, everyone adding on a couple sentences while the others listen quietly. Pass a spoon to designate who is allowed to speak.

Speak Carefully

Speak to children respectfully, making eye contact and using a pleasant tone of voice. Of course you shouldn't yell, but you already knew that. Nevertheless, we all do it. Get over the guilt and do better next time.

We get confused because when our babies are two, we need to scream sometimes to startle them out of the street. No one ever talked a kid out of sticking a fork in an electrical socket. Parents can get stuck in a tone that kept a toddler in line, but it won't work for an older child. Disrespect them and they'll tune you out.

What about the times we just want kids to act? Set the table - Eat your broccoli - Go to bed! It helps to occasionally add the Why:

  • Being part of a family or community means doing your fair share.
  • Eating the right foods keeps your mind and body strong.
  • Getting enough rest gives you energy to play with your friends.

You don't need to explain everything every time, but remind them once in while that you have reasons behind your requests.

The older your child gets, the more you need her to listen. Build trust over time so that she'll listen when it's really important. The sex and drug talks are not quick and they're not one-timers. You'll need to capture your child's ear over and over to get crucial messages across.

It takes endless creativity to be a parent. A good listener is patient, empathetic, and respectful. That's what you need to model in order to teach your kids to listen to you. Of course there's nothing wrong with going into raging lunatic mode occasionally. Your kids won't be listening anyway!

Comments

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  • olgakhumlo profile image

    olga khumlo 6 years ago from Mira Road Mumbai India

    Hi Lela,I like the message in your hub. Thank you.I am a parent of four kids ,only by God's strength and wisdom I make it each day. 'Listening' is truly a magic potion.

  • Michael Shane profile image

    Michael Shane 7 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

    Great tips & advice! I am still trying to get mine to listen...They are 15, 14, & 8.....Thanks for the hub!

  • profile image

    daljir 7 years ago

    Today,s children are tommorow,s leaders.I think we should listen to them and talk to them the way we want them to talk to us.

  • jacobkuttyta profile image

    jacobkuttyta 7 years ago from Delhi, India

    Nice post with good insight.

    Keep up the good work

  • profile image

    We Do Listen Non Profit Foundation 8 years ago

    check out www.wedolisten.com. "Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns to Listen" is an animated book we offer for free to help children eight and under learn how to listen and feel better about themselves.

  • AshleyVictoria profile image

    AshleyVictoria 8 years ago from Los Angeles

    Great advice - what better way is there to teach listening than by talking about it?

  • profile image

    Tosin 8 years ago

    Hi Robin,

    Wonderful, Wonderful post. Y'know, I've not stopped thinking about your post since I read it this morning. It's so sincere, real and touching. I could have been sitting right in front of you listening to you talk.

    Also, it's to timely b'cos my 4 yr old girl is giving me a tough time. She hardly listens. I know where I've gone wrong and I'm definitely going to give it all it takes to make her listen.

    Thank you so much for sharing this priceless knowledge. Bless you.

  • profile image

    BalsamFir 8 years ago

    I enjoyed reading your article. How many times do adults not listen to other adults, or insist on doing something else, while they listen? How many times do adults just wait until the child is finished to say their lecture or admonishment, or worse, interrupt them? You made some excellent points. If we can teach our children to listen well, then they will become adults who listen well. Thanks!

  • childcen profile image

    childcen 8 years ago from New Zealand

    your suggestion will applies for adults too. Listening is an important part in communications. Thanks for this article. i love it!

  • profile image

    ugirl2 8 years ago

    How do you know if your child is having trouble listening and following directions or if they have attention deficit disorder?

  • xotinyyxo profile image

    xotinyyxo 8 years ago from atlanta

    I agree 100% on this.

    Kids should listen, it could

    really be useful :D.

    -gives cookie-

    great job, this was a good one :D

  • profile image

    VinceSamios 9 years ago from Australia

    Its obvious what my parents did wrong!

  • profile image

    Guest 9 years ago

    You make a few good points, but I think that you're objectifying the job of parenting too much. Teach your kids to be civilized, respectful, and explain to them why it's important to respect of others. If they don't give you respect, punish them - not harshly, but in a way that shows them what they have done. And teach them to be human beings - being treated like suck now will help them to be mature and responsible later.

  • Lela Davidson profile image
    Author

    Lela Davidson 9 years ago from Bentonville, Arkansas

    thanks Coach Gerry - I hope so... But then again, I don't always follow my own advice!

  • Coach Gerry profile image

    Coach Gerry 9 years ago from Loveland

    Lela you must be a wonderful parent to your little girl. This article is really good!

    I will keep it in mind when I see my grandchildren again.

    Thanks,  Gerry

  • profile image

    Serena 9 years ago

    I do agree even though im only 9 years of age,i know that that is totally true lol.

  • glassvisage profile image

    glassvisage 9 years ago from Northern California

    I hope that my using Bluetooth so much now won't get me stuck with a bad habit of not listening well enough! :(

  • John Chancellor profile image

    John Chancellor 9 years ago from Tennessee

    Great advice.  What matters more than what you tell them is how you as a parent behave.  Children learn more from how we act than from what we say to them. They will model our behavior.  And learning to listen is probably the most important skill we can learn in life.  Far too many people are passive listeners rather than active listeners.  If you are an active listener, you are modeling behavior that will serve your child well for all their lives,

  • plz begentle profile image

    plz begentle 9 years ago from Texas

    Right! Righteous read. Be a good listener. Parents often forget the humility of raising children.

  • Lela Davidson profile image
    Author

    Lela Davidson 9 years ago from Bentonville, Arkansas

    Thanks, RR! What a sweet compliment. Glad you enjoyed.

  • RainbowRecognizer profile image

    RainbowRecognizer 9 years ago from Midwest

    I appreciate the genuine respect and warmth that comes through in your writing - thank you.

  • raguett profile image

    raguett 9 years ago

    great tips and advice...

  • profile image

    greathub 9 years ago

    I have always emphasized that if you want to change your child, change yourself first. For more details please read:

    https://hubpages.com/family/parentingtips

  • profile image

    Bob 9 years ago

    Great adviceI'll Try that on the boys.

  • Blogger Mom profile image

    Blogger Mom 9 years ago from Northeast, US

    Great advice. Thanks for the good read! =)

  • MoralsEthics1960 profile image

    MoralsEthics1960 9 years ago from Florida

    Great post

  • DrPLHolmes profile image

    DrPLHolmes 9 years ago

    I love you article. It gives excellent advice that so many of us need!

  • profile image

    Conquistador 9 years ago

    I m in love with your hub pages to be honest. I love articles related to parenting or child care. I wanna thank you for giving me some more topics to write about on my blog www.caringparent.org. I would love if you visit and tell me what you think of it.

  • Lela Davidson profile image
    Author

    Lela Davidson 10 years ago from Bentonville, Arkansas

    Thanks, Robin. I love the 5 second rule. I am so guilty of speaking too quickly!

  • Robin profile image

    Robin Edmondson 10 years ago from San Francisco

    Great advice! I notice that sometimes adults are quick to answer for a child when he/she pauses before an answer is given. When I taught I used the five second rule. Basically, after asking a question you give the child a bit of time before answering. (I obviously did not count this out-loud; it was a rule only in my head.) This gave kids time to think before they answered and for the more shy or slower students, it allowed them to formulate an answer as well.

    As you said, it is so important that a child's voice is valued. It creates higher self-esteem and self-confidence when adults respect their voice and opinions. Thanks for all of the tips!

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