- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice»
- Parenting Advice & Tips
Human Behavior, Tantrums, not necessary?
From out of control kids to out of control adults, our society has allowed more and more of the unacceptable bad behavior to be equated as normal behavior.
From doctors to lawyers to judges on the bench most of us are being told that because we find bad behavior - bad, we are ignorant. That we will hurt the persons free spirit.
It's just another way to excuse people from taking responsibility.
Yet doesn't the world in which we exist have rules that must be adhered to for the good of all which includes the person behaving badly.
Children quickly learn what is acceptable and unacceptable! What is encouraged or discouraged!
In children from 1 to 3 this is normal behavioral development, but there are always signs of this before a child is even one and up to 4 years old.
I don't particularly hold with politically correct parenting!
My style is based mostly on personality parenting because i know what works for one individual is not necessarily going to work for another.
I have used and recommend what works for that particular child for that particular season. I agree with discipline, spanking but not abuse, time outs, taking away gadgets, privileges and whatever else gets the attention of the child.
Yes all the same rules can be laid out and applied, but not all the rules will be honored by every personality the same way.
We all tend to bend certain rules to suit our needs when we find it necessary to do so, especially when we can legitimize it by saying, and i quote, "it's not hurting anybody."
That of course is RELATIVE...
The individual makes the choice!
Spank the parent
I have long since looked past a child's behavior to take a good hard look at the parent and caregiver.
Why? because i know that children mirror what they are feeling more than they are thinking when it comes to behavior especially when they are young.
When they are older, let's say a teenager or young adult and still behaving like a child, one begins to question where they were traumatized in their development.
There are various reasons children and so called adults for that matter behave badly and it varies, but the triggers are usually the same, extreme anger and frustration. Which of course leads us back to childhood behavioral programming.
Parent's, nurturing, loving caregivers are the gatekeepers to what the next generation will be like, what they will allow and what behavior is ultimately acceptable.
I cannot expect something from someone who doesn't know, but once they know my expectation grows exponentially. PBW
If we do not discipline our children, the laws of the land will do it for us...and that is without love!
- set expectations
- uphold rules
- explain consequences
- utilize discipline
Warning, I believe once a child reaches maturity or knows better it is time for them to handle responsibilities and the consequences of their choices and decisions, good, bad or indifferent.
Similar to whatever suits the behavior.
That doesn't mean you leave them without guidance or assistance but you do help them to understand the affect of their actions. Especially to those that love them!
We all know that tantrums occur because of over sensitized emotional reasons, but are tantrums really necessary for a child or adult to convey how or what they are feeling.
Experts site the problem of not being able to express themselves in words, so they are properly understood as to why many toddlers have a melt down.
So what about as the child grows older.
What if the child is destructive. Abusive. Violent.
Apparently tantrums can be warded off.
Tantrums have triggers, and because there are triggers good parenting skills can head them off before they develop into any major breakdowns.
- not enough attention, being ignored
- manipulation, control
What method of defusing tantrums have you used?
I am a firm believer in teaching. That education and experience makes a person better able to handle things that life throws at them.
Yet it has to be done according to the development of the individual. That includes, brain development, emotional development, intellectual development and physical development.
Exposure is a key component of development.
This is one form of a tantrum.
It is used to control others and one's environment.
This type of tantrum can usually be overlooked, but the best way to handle it is to establish who is boss and who makes the last decision on a subject.
This is the other reason many children have tantrums. It varies from not being clearly understood, not being able to do something independently, tiredness and not feeling well.
This usually can be soothed.
- Do something funny
- Play a game
- Whisper soothing words
Re affirm stance
- Repeat the rule
- Use this especially when a child becomes physical
- Hug firmly
- Rock in arms
- Dealing With Temper Tantrums in Toddlers and Children
A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts. It is not an act to get attention, as is commonly thought.
- Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. Get the facts on managing - and preventing - temper tantrums.
Expectations are what enforce control.
I don't believe in tactics that break the spirit of an individual's personality! PBW
No environment exists without rules of conduct.
Controlling the environment in which one lives is a part of coexisting and existing in any social network.
The family unit is the first one in which most of us learn the values of following rules and how to behave properly.
Which typically boils down to conformity.
Parameters are necessary for a wholesome kind of living and this all starts early and within a home environment that promotes the reasoning behind rules and expectations.
Children normally pick up on what is required of them, but it it not by osmosis. It is always by observation and parents who are willing to nurture and teach.
If we can train animals, we most certainly can train children to behave properly.
Unless you are willing to be shamed and embarrassed i suggest taking control of children while they are young the best exercise in saving face.
Tips to ward off meltdown
Unfortunately human beings don't come with a handbook, they do come with a personality all of their own though and the environment in which they are reared makes all the difference on how that character is developed.
Some personalities are more difficult than others, some call it stubbornness or obstinacy, yet i believe that every person craves one thing, loving understanding and once that is established along with what is expected, I believe anyone can be guided.
- Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others
- Expectation, a strong belief that something will happen or be the case, in the future
- Rules, a set of explicit or understood regulations or principals governing conduct
- Being firm, securely fixed in place
- Knowing the child's limitations and yours
- Sticking to a schedule
- Finding what works
I also believe in tackling situations head on, even if that means being disliked.
Out of control
Out of control behavior leads to a whole variety of issues for a child and the adult.
If a child becomes violent, that might be a clue to a bigger problem.
Out of control behavior leads to embarrassment, not being included in social activities, not making outside friendships and stunted emotional growth.
It can also lead to other potentially harmful behavior as a child gets older.
It is up to a loving disciplinarian and care giver to help a child through!
Or we will end up with adults that are on Reality TV...or in jail, or on drugs, etc, etc...