ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I Dont Hug

Updated on August 10, 2017

I do not hug.

I hate it. I think hugging is a weird, bubble interfering ritual that was specifically made to make people uncomfortable. How is hugging people when you see them acceptable? What is wrong with a simple "Hello" and a smile? My best friend is a hugger. She will hug everyone and everything, She loves hugs. She wants to be a professional snuggler. She makes me hug her sometimes, and it's usually followed by "its like hugging a brick wall".

I hate when people blame their current problems on their childhood. I am a take responsibility for your life person. But...It's my moms fault.

She was a moody, unpredictable, volatile person. Her temper was legendary and her tendency to use physical discipline the norm. When she reached for me, even to show affection, I would flinch. When she told me on the rare occasion that she loved me I took it as a threat. My brother was put into foster care when he was 13, we joke that he was lucky to go to a group home.

As I got older and started to date, physical affection was hard for me to show. I had the text book trust issues that usually come with a crazy childhood, the flair for dramatics and the early pregnancy. After I had my son I really saw my mother. I mean REALLY saw her. Growing up I thought that she was a normal mother. I thought all moms acted like her. But after my baby was born, I realized that wasn't true. Because I would not be like her. I did not want my son growing up afraid of me, I did not want my son thinking I was crazy, I did not want him to not know affection.

So I quit her. I quit being her daughter. I haven't spoken to her willingly since 2000. Unwillingly aka court mandated since 2003...but that's another story.

Since then I have married and had another son. I hug my kids everyday. I tell them that I love them every morning, every evening and when I leave. When my son left for college I'm sure my heart broke a little it hurt so bad. My youngest is so used to being smothered in kisses and hugs that I'm afraid that he will lean to the promiscuous girls to get his daily dose of love. With my husband its harder. I love him and truly think he is my soulmate. But showing physical affection is a work in progress, even after 9 years together. It's not the sex, we have that as much as we can with an interrupting toddler. Its the regular everyday affection. I have to remind myself to give him a hug and kiss when he gets home. I have to remember that he wants a spontaneous kiss now and then, to scooch on over when were watching a movie and snuggle in with a blanket. I honestly enjoy his hugs. His arms feel like home when he wraps them around me. But that's as far as it goes.

I have been known to stop huggers in their tracks. I have bluntly told new friends that I do not hug. I have a reputation among family, friends and co workers that I will not press my body against them in a strange form of greeting. And they can thank my mother for that. But my children can also thank her for the affectionate mother that I am. Or curse her for it.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • LauraTallo profile image

      Laura Tallo 

      15 months ago from Louisiana

      You don't have to hug your friends. It is ok to set boundaries. Do what you need to do to feel safe.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)