IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO BE A CHILD
IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO BE A CHILD
They say it should not hurt to be a child, so more and more in today's
society we adults take that as a literal statement. We all too often
go out of our way to 'protect' our children, when in fact for the
child, it may be a perfect time for a learning experience.
No
one wants to see a child hurt or crying, but how will that child live
as an adult if someone always steps up to the plate as a rescuer?
A statement that parents often forgets is, "A child lives what he learns."
If
a child lies, cheats, steals, hurts another, misbehaves or just plain
locks horns and says, "No!", guess what ... they are just being human.
All of us on the planet are born with free will and the sense of I - Me - Mine.
If that child learns they can scream Me! Me! Me! or I Want! I Want! I Want! and Mom and Dad
give in for their own personal sanity ... you can pretty much take it
to the bank that their child will grow up to be a loud, demanding adult
who expects from everyone what they want, when they want it.
We
all know demanding, selfish people. Think of the most obnoxious person
you know. It is a sure fire bet that that person was not put in check
as a child.
No
one can stand to be around someone like that, so there is a real chance
that person will grow to be a bitter, lonely old man or woman, blaming
their miserable existence on everyone and everything around them.
The choice is simple. Teach your child now, that actions DO have consequences.
As a parent, you are NOT their friend. That right is
earned once your child is grown. Until then, you are the parent,
teacher, care giver, councilor, and loving mother or father.
You
need to love your child enough to let them experience the results of
accepting their own actions in a loving, safe environment.
With your guidance, they can step into the world as an adult, with self-confidence and compassion for others.
I
was a single mother of 3 sons who were out of control. I had a reality
check when a friend from church said, "You are not just taking care of
a bunch of kids. You are raising potential adults."
Once I pulled in the reigns and took control, all of our lives became so very much better!
Was
it hard? Oh yeah! Change is not always pleasant. Sometimes I had to
love them enough to let they hate me for awhile. Sometimes, as they got
older, if a situation got out of control and was more than I could handle, I'd
call in the 'Big Guns', be it the school principal or the police!
It was made crystal clear that he was a good person who made a bad choice. The infractor usually did not repeat the offense.
How rewarding it is now to have 3 very strong, self-assured men in my life.
One day as we were talking, my youngest son thanked me.
He was my 'Wild Child" and I told him I was sorry that I had all too often had to come down so hard and heavy on him.
He sheepishly grinned and said, "Mom ...if you only knew ... Some times you did not come down hard enough."
(Some things are best left unknown.)
Written by Jackie Rae
Copyrighted © 2010
Comments
It's a changing world, unfortunately young people are trying to be buddies with their children, instead of parents. There is time to be friends later after the teaching process done.
Everything you said about raising children is so true. Check out my Hub on Saving Children from Sexual Abuse. Keep up the good writing!
- AUTHOR
Thank you lovelypaper and mdawson17.
You are right on with your thinking about parenting. Great hub.
- AUTHOR
Hi Dame Scribe and Nancy_30, Thanks for the comments. It is not easy . but nothing rewarding usually is! Keep up the good work ... In the long run your kids will love you for it!
I loved your hub. I have two small girls and i'm trying to raise them right. My dad raised me with tough love and I love him more because of it. So i'm trying to do the same with my children. Sometimes its hard when other people come over and don't make their kids mind. My kids think they can get away with stuff because the other kids do. But their wrong. Sometimes it makes me so mad to listen to other parents tell their children to quit misbehaving or they will take the toy away and not follow through with it when they continue to misbehave. I don't understand how they think or why they do this. Sorry for the long comment I really enjoyed reading your hub.
Setting healthy boundaries for our children early does pay off when they are adults. Great article!
Great Hub!!
- AUTHOR
Thanks for writing Quill and Lisa! What you both wrote is SO true! I was so afraid I was raising Heathens, in fact, left to their own devices, I was! If I had not stepped up to the plate and said ... 'No More!" I know without a doubt, as does he, that my youngest 'Wild Child' would not be alive today. I DID have to love them enough to let them hate me for a while, but when the time came, I also had to love them enough to let them go ... with MANY prayers that God was true to His word as you said, "Train a child in the way that is right and when they get older than will not depart from that training." By the grace of God my 3 children and I survived! I am just SO thankful that teenagers turn into 'Real People'. Hey .. That will be my next Hub!!!! Thanks Guys!
Thanks moneylady for assuring me that tough love is the right way to go. Parenting is not at all easy and there are times when all of us wonder if we are doing the right thing. But when you love your children really love them you will do what's right and that is "train a child in the way that is right and when they get older than will not depart from that training (emphasis mine)
Hi Jackie:
Look at me on a roll two firsts in the comment department tonight. All of what you have stated is so true. Even though I never had children I sat on the outside watching children getting what ever they wanted.
Later in real life when that same child was refused for whatever reason the bitterness and anger set in.
Enabling is is just as bad as abuse as what are parents doing to prepare the child later in life. The real world has a tendency of crushing us enough without placing unrealistic expectations on the child.
Parents need to find the proper balance. Wonderful hub...
Blessings
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