ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

I cant feel my face

Updated on August 29, 2016

I cant feel my face

The day I started to die was the most normal day of my entire life. Now I know that sounds sensationalist but I swear that’s how it felt like. Felt like I was losing touch with everything and soon I would just lose myself and die. I felt like my body was on the ‘outside’ and I was just above myself watching things happen. I wasn’t tired or uncomfortable or in pain. Everything felt fine. It was just that it felt like someone else was feeling them on my behalf. I went to work and everything was fine. But it was like there was someone else making me do what I did. I stared at myself in the mirror for about 30 minutes because while everything looked fine, it felt like part of my body was distorted. I was numb to the world and too freaked out about it to enjoy it. I couldn’t attach a single emotion to the thoughts I was thinking. When I called up a memory it felt like there was someone remembering them for me. They didn’t feel like my own memories. It was like living in a movie. It was like living in a black and white world. Everything was colorless. I was living in 2D and there was something just out of my reach. To top it all off, I was hyper aware of everything. I could see everything with intense clarity. I knew where I was and what I was supposed to be doing but it felt like I was arranging it all for someone else to do. And it went on for hours. I was freaked out because it felt like an omen, a harbinger of some un-niceness that was going to happen soon. There was a glass wall between me and this world and I lost hope that it would ever get better. I loved it. I’m lying, no I didn’t. I didn’t feel like I had a self and thought that I was living objectively. I knew I had feelings but I couldn’t feel them. My thoughts felt cottony. Because I didn’t know what to do at that time I thought I’d write this. Yes, all these things are happening now, to me, at this very moment. I put earphones in to discourage conversation and made plans to wtf my way through it. So far so good. As far as I know no one can tell. For some reason it’s very important that no one know. I don’t know why that is but I have to trust the instinct to keep it hidden. That’s just about the only thing I can trust. I’ll save any important judgements for tomorrow. Hopefully the cloud should have passed. I’ll talk to you on the other side of this day because I am really totally completely weirded out. And like I’m telling you, I don’t know if that means I’m about to die or about to live.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)