If I Could Make My Parents
I'm not a parent, but-
I grew up in a country with non existing child protection. The only thing that the system focused on was child sexual abuse. In fact it is required that you hit your child in my country. If not they believe that you are spoiling your child and even refer to the Bible. Bigots!
In my case, my Father was never physically around to hit me. With my mum it is complicated. She was separated from my Dad for sometime and they never really loved each other. I know she loves me. She always provided for my needs and wants. When I was much more younger, if I made her angry she would beat me with a stick, but as I grew older it became worse. I can only describe it as emotional and verbal abuse. She would starve me and regret my existence. It depends on her level of anger. At one instance she blamed me for her failed marriage and on another instance she wished she never gave birth to me. I can admit that I was hard to deal with; I purposefully insulted her with deep words. Our relationship thinned and now I hate that we still love each other. You see I grew up with my mother, she stristres and stresses for my needs. She could borrow money to get me what I want.
On so many occasions that I've considered killing myself and seeked my Father's attention and he's still never there but that's not who my mother raised me to be. I have also considered revenge but I'm pretty sure that I've forgiven her. My mother and I are still best friends. All what has happened and is still happening has a brighter side; I am going to be the best mother that I can be.
So, here is a personal list of what I think of as a good parent-
1. Unconditional love. You shouldn't be a parent if your child's sexuality, disability, gender or appearance would be uncomfortable for you when it doesn't fit in your confort zone.
2. Financial support. I believe that you shouldn't be a parent if you can't afford to be one. Your child's needs and wants should be met.
3. Understanding and patience. Never treat your child with undeserved anger. Rather with respect and love because your child is a human being. If you are angry go outside and vent out your anger on the sun.
4. Learn your child and adapt to changes. Your 4 years old baby is not your 14 years old child.
5. Listen to your child. Please this is a two people relationship.
6. Just be your child's best friend and personal person.
7. Express your love to your child.
8. Educate yourself on being the best parent for your child.
These are what I need to be when I become a parent. Although it may differ to each individual but this list is essential in my opinion.
Your child should be proud of you.
I am okay and all events mentioned above happens to the average Nigerian with even worse scenarios.