Instilling Self Faith - Supportive,Protective Parenting.
Observed practical instances and lessons derived.
Travelling by a bus, I observed a girl who seemed a bit weary hence desirous of short naps with her head resting on the glass window pane.She had her earphones on and was listening to music opening eyes now and then to enjoy the beauty of Nature.
It was her retreat.
On the other seat were her mother, a man who seemed a friend or relative and some children.They repeatedly made attempts to pull her into their chatter and noise.Pulling her earphones away , playing pranks on her.
She voiced that she was a bit tired and wanted to relax.They were free to talk but to her mundane issues were mindless chatter.There was no respect for her needs so she continued to bear the noise patiently.However when it was too much ignorance of her need to be with herself for sometime she had to raise her voice.
All the while her mother had remained silent and now when she did speak she demanded of the daughter to tolerate and not answer back or speak for self.
It ached my heart to see that a girl only wanting to rest and sleep was not being allowed to do so and instead of speaking for her child and protecting her -the mother first remained silent and then repressed her daughter's justified voice raising.
On the other hand the man supported his children even in the act of bullying and not respecting another person's needs.
In a second instance -with a growing cousin of mine who had in her teens befriended a guy-the orthodox mother was so anxious that she called up practically every relative possible and they all intruded into the poor girl's privacy making judgements harsh enough for any teenager to handle alone.
In a third instance I met a mother who insisted on doing her child's homework, making choices for her clothes even when the child was intelligent, capable and desirous to do things independently taking help only when she had failed in all attempts.The child -perhaps an old soul felt crippled in the psyche-even when the mother who was well intending but yet not doing the right thing appeared a Hero to the World doing so much.
Parents undergo a lot of pain and struggle to bring up their children and provide for them, therefore they are most worthy of love and respect but there are certain things which if handled well can make all the more splendid parents.
The Best gifts to give to a child are -
1.Moral Support -Support your child when his or her justified harmless self sufficient needs are being attacked sadistically and foolishly.If you are the submissive sort then atleast allow the child to speak up for himself/herself when he/she is right.
Repressing him/her will only bring out an aggressive rebel in him/her.He may appear to be rude to the world, when it is only his or her pain out of the need for your moral support.
2. Self Faith -
Trust your child.Keep his/ her privacy its a direct healing by restoring personal power.Protect.Do not expose him to attacks and intrusions of so called relatives and friends.Almost all children and youngsters make mistakes.Its part of learning life lessons.
I am in no way saying -spoil them and do not rectify serious faults.Teach them the right thing.
Your being a passive relative pleasing parent is an act of violence towards your child in many cases.Unless absolutely necassary do not allow third party interference in your child's career and life preferences.Do not defame your own children for minor youth mistakes that harm nobody else.
A wise child will learn to respect such a strong supporting parent.
3.Independence - Do not worry overly and feel that the world and your child need you as clutch forever.Many have died and the world is still carrying on.Have confidence in your child's ability to do things on their own , give them the freedom in matters of personal preferences and choices.
Your making a potentially independent child dependent on you is an act of sheer "soul and psyche murder" for the child.Mentally crippling him/her to appear Hero is the most immature thing to do.
If you only trust and respect the individuality of your child -you can rest assure that he will blossom into a splendid being on the firm foundation of the self faith you instilled in him.
Feed the soul.Its the best you can do for anyone.
We love you parents hence we care and feel enough to be grateful for right but point out the wrong.Its a little selfish but we are affected most by ones we love most.Feed our souls -dont repress us for a society that won't come to help you in times of your distress.