Are Your Kids Getting Low Marks in Their Exams?
What, only this much marks you got in your exam? What were you doing all the year? Have you really studied seriously? I know you have never concentrated in your studies that that is why you got such poor marks. How many times I told you to focus on your studies but you never listen to me? See the results now; you are far behind from your friends. All your friends are going upwards but you are free falling. What will happen to your future?
There are many such questions you shoot to your kids when they get lower marks in their exams. It is a quite common scene in most of the households on the results day where the poor chap was scored low marks in the exam. Although the type of scolding and the level of aggressions of the parents may be different but the intention is quite clear that the children never ever do the same mistakes in the next exams.
And the poor kids stands quietly listening and defending the furious attack, head down, tears rolling on cheeks, and occasionally uttering few words in response. A wave of various feelings plays inside them, thinking that why on the earth I did this mistake? Why do the exams happen? And another big question they may think that why the parents are so worried about our exam results? Why don't they mind their own business? There are many such questions plays in their little mind.
So, to answer those innocent questions, let's discuss why the parents are so possessive about their kid's test results.
Why the Parents so Obsessed with Scores?
A simple answer to this query is, the parents want their kids to be succeed in their life with an amazing career and enough money to live happily, isn’t it? But this is too ideal and also a long-term expectation. There are other reasons too, which are equally plays important roles behind their disappointments on child’s failures. Let's discuss on them.
To be in Limelight
It is not that every parent has the same aspiration, but we have seen many parents showing off with the achievements of their kids. They used to tell their friends and relatives how his child is a topper in the class by achieving 99% or more. But when the child fails to achieve the same position in next exam, the parents gets disappointed upon fearing of losing the limelight.
It is not that you should not share your child’s achievements with others, but that can be acceptable up to a certain limit. When you keep on telling the same thing on every opportunity without missing a single occasion whether it is a marriage party or cremation ground then it crosses the limits.
Proud Moments with Friends and Neighbours
There are parents who take this opportunity to set a score with their friends and neighbors by proudly declaring their daughter/son’s achievement. And when the poor kid failed to provide them that great opportunity they devastated so much as if they defeated a war.
For some parents, it gives them immense pleasure, swollen with pride when they talk to the parents whose kids have scored lower marks than his own kid. That is no less than any Oscar winning moments for them. They proudly explain how his child is so intelligent and laborious.
Worries About the Careers
There is another type of parents who constantly lives in anxiety thinking about their child's career. They want their child to succeed in every sphere of life. So, they keep on pushing their kids to achieve higher and higher scores in every examination. They carefully track the exam scores up to the decimal levels. A slight decrease in percentage 99.5% to 99.4% can increase the blood pressure.
They act like a shadow to their kids by standing with him on every occasion. Especially at the time of the exam, they can go to the extreme level. They used to take leaves from their work, sits with the kids to make them study continuously, even they forgets their own health and becomes fall sick at the end of the exam.
The Damn care Parents
Finally, there are the parents with a damn care attitude. These types of parents are so much occupied with their own life that they do not pay any attention to their child's studies. Even they are least bothered about the percentage of scores obtained by their kids. They just wanted to hear one thing that whether his child clears the exams or failed.
They feel happy when their kids cleared the exam, least bothered about the percentage of scores achieved. But, it is not that they don't scold their child in case of failures.
As we discussed the various types of parents, one thing is common that they all feel upset, disappointed and used to punish their kids in case of low scores in tests or exams. But, if we give a serious thought to this entire process of exam, scores, and scolding, one thing is common that the kids are always at the receiving end in every occasion.They labeled as the main culprit of the failure and no one else.
Have you ever think that when you burst your anger on them, how they feel inside? How that affects them physiologically? I am agreeing that all the scolding and outbursts you show are natural as you are worried about their future. You care about them and wants them a successful future ahead.
So, all your outbursts are just because that you want them to do well in their next exam by correcting the mistakes. But, can that be possible without those intense dramas? Is it possible to enhance their capabilities without scolding them? Let's discuss more into that to find out how that can be possible.
Talk to Them With Patience
Have you ever tried to talk to them softly when they come home with their low scored report cards? If not then try it once. Do not scold them, just sit with them and try to understand why it happened.
There may be several reasons for her/his failures, and there can be a better solution with you rather than the scolding and all.
Let's address some of the common problems and the possible solutions.
Problem Statement: Your kid may know the answers but failed to write it on the answer sheets due to lack of time.
Solution: You need to improve the writing skills of your child. Tell them to make a practice of writing 2-3 pages every day apart from their regular studies. Note down the time they are taking each day, encourage them to increase the writing speed. Show them the tracking sheet and challenge them to beat their own records.
Problem Statement: They may not be able to concentrate their studies, hence unable to remember the answers in the exams.
Solution: There may be several reasons behind it. They may be losing their interest in studies or may be disturbed with some incidents which keep distracting them when studying.
So, it is better to sit with them and discuss at large. Have the patience, listen to all their problems. And find out the actual reason behind their distraction. Then take suitable steps to resolve their issues.
Some students fear certain subjects, like some fears math and some science. Even some feel annoyed reading history. The fear is obvious as they are unable to understand the subjects clearly. As parents, you need to work hard on those kids to increase their interest in those subjects. Find a good teacher for those subjects if you can't teach them yourself. They need a good teacher who thoroughly clears all their doubts so that the children feel comfortable with those subjects. Once they start getting good marks on those subjects, their fear will disappear.
Problem Statement: They feel constant fears of losing when compared with their peers.
Solution: This is one of the big mistakes some parents used to do with their children. You should not compare your children with other good students in his/her class. Comparison with classmates does not always yield good results. Sometimes it backfired up to that extent that your children completely lose the ground.
Do not ever compare your children with others. Let them concentrate on their own studies instead of looking others as a role model. A good strategy is that tell them to compete with him by fetching maximum marks.
They should not look to others; their only competition is with the total marks of each subject. They will compete with that and try to reach as closer to it. The only target should be breaking their own records, not their peers.
Finally, every child has her/his potential and area of interest. As a parent, you should find out their capabilities and encourage them to succeed in those areas. Some may have an interest in sports, arts, cultures, photography and much more rather than studying the math and science. You need to find out their hidden talent and encourage them to pursue in those areas. When they have interest on that, the chances are high that they will get the desired success.
Don't you think that instead of yelling, it is better to talk to yours kids softly?
© 2017 Kishor Mohanty