- Family and Parenting
Is it better to love your kids or your spouse more?
This past weekend we went on a "family" retreat to the Great Wolf Lodge in Concord, NC. It was an amazing trip and the Great Wolf Lodge is incredible. We haven't spent that much time together as a family having that much fun in a very long time.
During this retreat we had the privlidge of sitting down and talking with the chaplin of my husband's work unit. During our disscussions he brought up the question Is it better to love your kids or your spouse more? I already knew my answer to this one. It's definately my spouse that I love more!
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more then anything. I'd do anything for them. I'd do whatever I had to do to keep them out of harms way. They are the lights of my life.
However, in my opinion, if Mom and Dad aren't completely in love then the kids will suffer too. When parent's fight, kids know (whether they are in the same house or not). When you don't feel the love from your spouse, your kids feel that too. If you aren't happy with your spouse it will effect your kids in one way or another.
Growing up I had 3 father figures. My real dad (who to this day isn't much of what I want in a dad), my first step dad (who made all our lives a living hell), and my now step dad (who is a real father to me and a grandpa to our kids and I love him with all my heart). For me to not worry about my Mom I had to see her happy. It took a long while for her to find her happiness but she finally did back in 1998-ish and I couldn't be happier for them.
Maybe it is because of how I grew up that I want to love my spouse more then my kids. I have lived through unhappy marriages and I knew every time my mom was upset that something wasn't right. Even though I knew Mom loved us more then anything and she would do anything to keep us safe it still didn't make the family stay together or work out.
To love your spouse is with passion. The strong affection and personal attachment you have with your spouse is what you need to hold on to and strive to make the most of. You've gotta make time for your spouse, whether it is going out to dinner late one night, going to bed a little early so you have more "cuddle" time, even enjoying playing video games together will help keep that love there.
To love your kids is with a different kind of love. It is a parental love. The instincts, the charm, the loyality you have with your children that will never go away.
After doing some research in the subject there are a lot of different opinions out there. One mother says she loves her children more because her children would be nothing without her. They need her to live. Her partner had a life before her and they are two seperate people. Her partner doesn't need her to live. (read the whole story here)
That's a different way to look at it for sure. I know my kids need me, I know it would be hard to not have me in their lives, but I also know that me being happy is what keeps me able to take care of them the right way. Loving my life, loving my spouse, helps me be a better parent!
I guess in the end it's not really who I love more. I love them differently but if I had to choose a night with the husband or a night with the kids, I would choose the husband. I want my marriage to last forever so my kids have that in their lives and I will do what it takes to make it work.
What are your thoughts on the matter? Is it more important to love your spouse or you kids more?