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Kids? To Be Or Not To Be

Updated on January 18, 2012

My high school class of 2004 (04 FO LIFE!) has been alumni for about 8 years now and I know that a lot of them including me have gotten married, maybe got that dream job they always wanted, graduated from college, or maybe got to travel around the world.. What I don’t get is there are just so many people from my class who are having children.. Don’t get me wrong, I mean that is awesome news. I just don’t like the fact that all of them are having kids like there is no tomorrow and I’m still here with my husband with no kids. I hate that fact that I feel left out. Its got to be the most stupidest feeling I’ve ever felt.

Why is it the ( I guess you could call it) “rule” that after you marry, you MUST have children? I hate when people ask me when is it going to be my turn to have kids. Who decides this?? Oh its just a thing people do?? Whatever! When I got married, having kids was not even on my mind. I’ve been married almost 3 years. I got married when I was 23. There was no way in hell I was going to produce a child in that same year. Its just mind boggling to me.

I guess I’m just down because in the beginning I wanted 3 kids, then it went to not wanting any at all and now it might turn out that I can’t even have kids. A few years ago I found out that my grandma and my mom both have Endometriosis and that its genetic. I finally found my answers to why my periods were so painful, but that is another story. My aunt also has this disease and she had it so bad that she couldn’t have children. Now I might be in the same boat. I think to myself “well okay, so you can’t have kids.. isn’t that great? You didn’t want any.. remember?” and then this little voice pops out from behind and says “this sucks! I would be a wonderful mother. Everyone keeps telling me this. Remember when you wanted 3 children? 2 girls and a boy. You even came up with all of their names. Remember? First it was going to be Gabrielle Mackenzie, then Genevieve Lena, and then little Harold James. Aww what cute names.”

If it comes out that I can’t have kids, then I guess there are other ways to have kids right??? There is always adoption. I wouldn’t mind doing that. I just need to remember that everyone is different and that there are a lot of other women who are going through the same thing. I just need to keep my head held high and be thankful.


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      marellen 5 years ago

      Before you make an assumption that you can't have children you have testing that needs to be done. There are many couples who decide that having kids is not for them.