- Family and Parenting
Green Hair & The Peace Corps
You may be wondering, why is there a picture of family members playing scrabble and one of the people has green hair. Well, that's my son Dave with the green hair. It's naturally, blonde. Why he would want to dye it green, red, pink, purple, etc... is beyond me.
Anyway, I wanted to show you a picture of my son who is now in the Peace Corps. Yes, I could've posted a graduation picture, or the beautiful pic of him and his wife, but I felt this was, shall we say, a more accurate representation.....
Dave is my 2nd born, who stole the show from his sister, (the only grandchild on both sides - she had quite the spotlight!), the moment he arrived in this world. Not quite sure how he did it. Maybe it was the fact that labor was only about an hour and 1/2. Maybe it was that he was 2 weeks late. Maybe it was just Dave being Dave. Carly is still trying to figure it out.
Like all parents, I too, adore all of my babies. But then there are those moments in life, when you positively can't stand them. Like tonite for instance. Did I mention yet that Dave is in the Peace Corps? Oh right - Samoa to be exact. You know, only 1/2 a world away. Well, his youngest brother needed to call him about some car info. They were having a lovely conversation, when it was announced that if anything needed to be signed, just go to Dave's mother in law. She has power of attorney for the duration that he is in Samoa.
Granted, I am very sensitive when it comes to mom issues. Is there any mom who isn't? He only has one, and I'm it. Did he talk to me about power of attorney? Did he talk to his dad? To his sister or brothers? You know - blood relatives?
No. He went to his mother in law and never even mentioned it to us!
Dinner was my ranting stage. My daughter kept suggesting that I call him and talk to him about it. Yeah, right.
Did I raise a son with a brain in his head? With a heart in his chest? Such hurt! It's not stressful enough that he's on the other side of the earth, is it?
Well, look at it this way. If anything should need taking care of, the mother in law can take care of it. Pffffffffftttttttttttt!!!!!
The Morning After....
I truly thought I'd feel better this morning after a good night's . And yes, I did sleep very well.
Well, I don't. If anything, I'm more disconcerted than I was yesterday.
I understand the separation thing, but this really feels ridiculous. Why would a grown child put that kind of responsibility in the hands of somebody who doesn't care about him the way his parents do?
I know, I know. This isn't about his dad or me, it's about him. I get it. He needs to make his own mistakes.
Anybody have any similar stories? I'd love to read them.
Time to reread a little Jack Canfield and get back on track.
I took my daughter's advice and contacted my son. The safest road for me, was email. It wasn't a pretty email, but it conveyed myfeelings. Shock. Hurt. Breaking ties. Dave did respond and told me I was over reacting, explaining that his mother in law has had POA for his wife since her days traveling in Germany a few years back, and since they are married, it made sense for them to have the same person as POA.
I see his point, but disagree.
Today I feel better than the past 2 days. I've worked through many emotions. Like I already mentioned - shock, hurt, anger, tie breaking and now acceptance. My motto today is, it's all good. (Yes, that's the Jack Canfield motivation speaking through.)
Having been parenting now for over 28 years, there have been a few times when I've had to put my kids at arms length to keep my own sanity. It's not a comfortable feeling. I equate it to how I feel about my students. I adore my students, but there is a distance that keeps everything safe. Naturally, I don't have that distance with my own children.
Time to employ that technique.
Dave is entitled to his feelings and I'm entitled to mine. For my sake, (and his too....), I'm going to view this with the eyes of a teacher. I adore you, but right now, I need some space. My son will stay at arms length - well, more than that since he's in Samoa - until we are both capable of addressing the situation with fewer sparks.
It's all good. It's all good. It's all good.
Living with 20 year old Twins
Yes, I have a set of identical twins. They are beautiful boys and have beautiful spirits. What they don't have is the desire to go to college.
That's tough to accept as a teacher with a Master's degree and a pretty firm belief that college is a place where a young adult should be. It's a time and a place to start to figure out who you are, in a relatively safe environment, away from home. Let's face it. Being home at 20 cannot be that much fun. I'm still expecting them to clean up their messes, help with the snow shoveling, do their laundry, etc...
My boys do have a game plan, so it's not like they are directionless. They've formed a writing team with a good friend and they are writing scripts. From what I've seen, they're pretty good. It's a completely different way than I did it, but who's to say going to college is the life blood it used to be.
It will be interesting to follow, as they discover who they are, from the safety of my house.
18 Year Olds & Cars
So I understand that we have to allow our kids to make mistakes....that's how they learn. But when is allowing them to make their mistakes too much?
My 18 year old son has been rebuiding an '86 Camaro on and off for the past few years. He gets it fixed and then does something absurd to the engine, which requires major engine work. This past week, he was determined to get the car back to college, regardless of whether it was ready or not. He succeeded....
One week later, my husband and I get the call that it's broken down and he has no way to get the car back to his apartment or for him to get to college. Well, mom and dad had to step in to help the situation. Not cool.
At what point does his mistake fall completely on his shoulders? Failure at college. Towing charges. Loss of tuition. Seems like a pretty tough lesson to learn at 18, but maybe that's the only way he will learn.