Leave your child alone!! Love them for yourself. This includes your inner child.

How much time do you like to have as "me time" through the day? But you are just too busy "minding your child". Well that is your problem please do not make it their problem. Just leave your child alone. Yes be nearby, yes pay attention but shut up and leave them alone. Guess what they may even fall down and they may get frustrated and they may fail. Get over it.

Back to you. Do you spend enough time a day thinking? Do you spend enough time a day playing by yourself? Do you have time to imagine? Do you have time to daydream and make believe? The answer is no to all of the above. You do things. You do not know how to do nothing. Probably because your parents never let you learn how to do those things. And if given the chance you could not even do them.

Harsh isn't it. Get over that as well and work on it. Especially since if you are reading this you are a writer of some sort as I do not publish outside of my group of friends - no networking, linking or promotion. Being all productive and all proud of your accomplishments and making money is cool -- but do not be the fool. I do understand that others read this a little and to you, welcome!

Next week, month or year you can make money and be responsible. But you will never again have the same thoughts the same way as today. Now multiply that times ten for your child. A day missed playing by themselves are lost dreams and things that should have been imagined.

I do not buy that at all. I know people who were so busy doing what their parents said that they missed childhood all together. So where would they find this child within? We don't just get born with knowledge of mathematics or science and we don't just get born with a well developed child sense in us.

Nature versus Nurture. I have three young adult children. 24,27 and thirty. They have issues like all of us but they are outstanding people. Not like how a boasting father says it, and not like a critical father says it. But rather by empirical data and a constant barrage of off the wall compliments and tributes and a total dearth of negative indicators. Me, I have more issues than a Sunday edition of the New York times, both nurture and nature in origin. Their mother is outstanding but just as likely a person will associate with her and do that circle thing next to their head indicating a nutcase crazy lady.

So one has to ask how did the children turn out so well? If genetic, one must scratch their head and if situational and natural one must scratch their head again. A philosopher dad and an artist mother is not what you would be looking for as parents.

Yet somehow the children developed healthy egos of their own. Very personal to them. And not negatively influenced by outside forces. Their own self flourishes.

Not tough love. Not lavishing love. Not smothering love. And not selfless love. Yes not selfless love. A love built and enhanced by self desire. A love that is selfish. "Strange" you say. True. It goes against our grain.

Imagine having two parents that just love who their children are. No not a love for who their children can be. Not a love of what their children should be. And not this all giving love that would have us lay down our life for another. No a love that can be described more like "I just love chocolate ice cream" or a love like, "I love that painting".

Just think of it for a moment. You are 3 and you are quietly playing with your toys all by yourself. And you look up and see this mountain of a man standing by just loving you and what you are doing like a child loves a candy store. Like you are God's gift to creation. You realize that just being you and who you are makes daddy and mommy so happy. (now remember the title here - this requires leaving the child alone so he can be himself)

If the child alone sees elephants in the clouds that is beautiful. If the child without audience tries her hardest to skip or jump rope, that is beautiful. If the child without expected hugs and praise colors and creates that is beautiful. If they know they are loved for being themselves then the child is free and children alone will do great things for their entire life. "Son do not do it for me - do it for the art of doing something that you are pleased with".

Now do not get me wrong here. There are other forms of love that are required but they are so socially ingrained that we do them as we must and out of a parental love and that is good. One day and we have recitals, auditions, sport games and practice and homework and doctor's appointments and a play date. Yikes! And we push and we prod and we frown at bad grades and celebrate the good ones. And we force good hygiene habits and attendance at worship and eating well and bed time --- boring but loving. We insist on exercise and appreciation of nature and obedience and being "nice"-- more boring.

But loving who your child is and giving them time to become that person is the answer to completion and wholeness.

So let others be themselves and do not try to influence every little thing around you. This goes super duper double for children. Love each other like the Golden Rule, sure do that. But just as important love others like your favorite snack and movie with a honey bunny.

Let me leave with this thought. I can look back on a very fulfilling life as a parent and a friend and a lover and even as a son. And one of the main reasons for that is that I am a trouble shooter and cleaner upper guy. I do not usually get a call to come join in good fortune. I get a call when things go wrong. Things that if someone asked me ahead of time I could have prevented. From finances to legal to moral to spiritual and even as a handyman. But that would be boring. Nope I get to go help people fix things that they broke. Things that did not work out so well. Things that can be blamed on mistakes.

So I get to be with my people after they have been themselves and failed. Hihihihi. People are cool that way. They can fail at anything. And the cool ways they fail always surprise me. Because every time is uniquely their own. Sure they could have stuck to the directions and advice. But they tried it their way. Tragedy and Triumph are just impostors of the same thing. Judging others is someone else's job. I just get to enjoy the diversity and personality of others.

I hope you can learn to do this with others and especially your children.