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Leave your child alone!! Love them for yourself. This includes your inner child.

Updated on October 23, 2013

That puddle, I was later told was an ocsea which is a cross between ocean and sea.

I should have interfered so I would not get in trouble with his mom --- NOT!
I should have interfered so I would not get in trouble with his mom --- NOT! | Source

Just leave the little child alone.

How much time do you like to have as "me time" through the day? But you are just too busy "minding your child". Well that is your problem please do not make it their problem. Just leave your child alone. Yes be nearby, yes pay attention but shut up and leave them alone. Guess what they may even fall down and they may get frustrated and they may fail. Get over it.

Back to you. Do you spend enough time a day thinking? Do you spend enough time a day playing by yourself? Do you have time to imagine? Do you have time to daydream and make believe? The answer is no to all of the above. You do things. You do not know how to do nothing. Probably because your parents never let you learn how to do those things. And if given the chance you could not even do them.

Harsh isn't it. Get over that as well and work on it. Especially since if you are reading this you are a writer of some sort as I do not publish outside of my group of friends - no networking, linking or promotion. Being all productive and all proud of your accomplishments and making money is cool -- but do not be the fool. I do understand that others read this a little and to you, welcome!

Next week, month or year you can make money and be responsible. But you will never again have the same thoughts the same way as today. Now multiply that times ten for your child. A day missed playing by themselves are lost dreams and things that should have been imagined.

Yes she was telling people on the street to get away from her Easter eggs.

Then she was the queen and told me to get her down and bring her pony around.
Then she was the queen and told me to get her down and bring her pony around. | Source

They say there is a child in all of us.

I do not buy that at all. I know people who were so busy doing what their parents said that they missed childhood all together. So where would they find this child within? We don't just get born with knowledge of mathematics or science and we don't just get born with a well developed child sense in us.

Nature versus Nurture. I have three young adult children. 24,27 and thirty. They have issues like all of us but they are outstanding people. Not like how a boasting father says it, and not like a critical father says it. But rather by empirical data and a constant barrage of off the wall compliments and tributes and a total dearth of negative indicators. Me, I have more issues than a Sunday edition of the New York times, both nurture and nature in origin. Their mother is outstanding but just as likely a person will associate with her and do that circle thing next to their head indicating a nutcase crazy lady.

So one has to ask how did the children turn out so well? If genetic, one must scratch their head and if situational and natural one must scratch their head again. A philosopher dad and an artist mother is not what you would be looking for as parents.

Yet somehow the children developed healthy egos of their own. Very personal to them. And not negatively influenced by outside forces. Their own self flourishes.


I like music that I cannot understand all the words to. It lets my mind imagine and drift.

Love is the answer.

Not tough love. Not lavishing love. Not smothering love. And not selfless love. Yes not selfless love. A love built and enhanced by self desire. A love that is selfish. "Strange" you say. True. It goes against our grain.

Imagine having two parents that just love who their children are. No not a love for who their children can be. Not a love of what their children should be. And not this all giving love that would have us lay down our life for another. No a love that can be described more like "I just love chocolate ice cream" or a love like, "I love that painting".

Just think of it for a moment. You are 3 and you are quietly playing with your toys all by yourself. And you look up and see this mountain of a man standing by just loving you and what you are doing like a child loves a candy store. Like you are God's gift to creation. You realize that just being you and who you are makes daddy and mommy so happy. (now remember the title here - this requires leaving the child alone so he can be himself)

If the child alone sees elephants in the clouds that is beautiful. If the child without audience tries her hardest to skip or jump rope, that is beautiful. If the child without expected hugs and praise colors and creates that is beautiful. If they know they are loved for being themselves then the child is free and children alone will do great things for their entire life. "Son do not do it for me - do it for the art of doing something that you are pleased with".

Now do not get me wrong here. There are other forms of love that are required but they are so socially ingrained that we do them as we must and out of a parental love and that is good. One day and we have recitals, auditions, sport games and practice and homework and doctor's appointments and a play date. Yikes! And we push and we prod and we frown at bad grades and celebrate the good ones. And we force good hygiene habits and attendance at worship and eating well and bed time --- boring but loving. We insist on exercise and appreciation of nature and obedience and being "nice"-- more boring.

But loving who your child is and giving them time to become that person is the answer to completion and wholeness.

Do you appreciate what others do?

view quiz statistics

That is a funny quiz because the author does exactly what he says not to do.

So let others be themselves and do not try to influence every little thing around you. This goes super duper double for children. Love each other like the Golden Rule, sure do that. But just as important love others like your favorite snack and movie with a honey bunny.

Let me leave with this thought. I can look back on a very fulfilling life as a parent and a friend and a lover and even as a son. And one of the main reasons for that is that I am a trouble shooter and cleaner upper guy. I do not usually get a call to come join in good fortune. I get a call when things go wrong. Things that if someone asked me ahead of time I could have prevented. From finances to legal to moral to spiritual and even as a handyman. But that would be boring. Nope I get to go help people fix things that they broke. Things that did not work out so well. Things that can be blamed on mistakes.

So I get to be with my people after they have been themselves and failed. Hihihihi. People are cool that way. They can fail at anything. And the cool ways they fail always surprise me. Because every time is uniquely their own. Sure they could have stuck to the directions and advice. But they tried it their way. Tragedy and Triumph are just impostors of the same thing. Judging others is someone else's job. I just get to enjoy the diversity and personality of others.

I hope you can learn to do this with others and especially your children.

This child played in the tub last night with no toys, just his fingers.

His fingers were something like dad and boy walking on beach and the waves kept getting them. Whatever!
His fingers were something like dad and boy walking on beach and the waves kept getting them. Whatever! | Source

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Big Truth Brian, and probably those who do not already do it, need it the most. My wife had none -- but super cool she is learning it from our 3 year old.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 

      4 years ago from Savannah, GA

      Hi Eric, good hub. I liked the part about us having enough time in a day to imagine and daydream and make believe. If the answer is no, then we should probably learn to make time.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hey MsDora, it just hit me. I like you for me. I suppose I love you for me. I sure hope I do not mess that up!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      "If they know they are loved for being themselves then the child is free and children alone will do great things for their entire life." I agree. Being there and meddling is not as valuable as an assurance of love.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill your piece on fiction writing was awesome this morning. Inspiring. My tea got a little cold as I read in total engrossment. (if that is a word) https://hubpages.com/literature/The-Common-Element...

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much for those thoughts VVanNess. I do think you are right, especially for younger people. I should target a larger audience to be more "successful". I think Bill here would echo your critique to a degree.

      My writing is in your face and makes you feel uncomfortable. It creates an atmosphere where you are looking for an exit. Heck you should hear my sermons, talk about squirming in your seat/pew.

      But let me explain. I am older. I do not write or read feel good stuff. I was born and raised about 70 miles from you before Prescott was bigger than Jerome. I am like your neighbors who were raised there 50 years ago and the best feel good was when the Badgers beat the Eagles in football. I believe politically correct is trying to fart quietly. To me the delivery is not as important as the stink it causes.

      With all that said, I just went over and read some of yours and am now following you. I like your style. You are a pro and deep thinker and I just love someone who says it like they see it.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      This is how I begin each morning, sitting down with you for a cup of tea and timeless wisdom. Kind of like having Will Rogers over for breakfast. :) Love is the answer my friend.

    • VVanNess profile image

      Victoria Van Ness 

      4 years ago from Fountain, CO

      I completely understand your point of view, but I felt like I was being attacked from the very beginning and I don't even have children. lol

      Is there a way you can phrase it from a more general point of view (some parents..., when parents do this...)? This way those reading your article still get all of the wonderful ideas and advice you have to offer, but not feel like they are under siege from the first few words.

      Good information. Terrible delivery. This could be an amazing article with a little editing.

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