Mommy's Lessons Learned - Unconditional Love

It's an unseasonably warm day for early December in New York. I'm leisurely walking to school to pick up my daughters Jenna and Lauren ages 9 & 13 respectively. It's report card day and I always welcome their teachers comments since it's a window into how my girls function in the world beyond my motherly protection.

As I'm walking I become increasingly aware of how beautifully quiet it is here in our lovely suburban neighborhood and it provides me much needed (yet not so easy to come by) time to think, reflect and get in touch with the hopes, dreams and desires that I have not only for my children but for myself as well. I start to think of all the things I'd like to provide for them and our family as a whole emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and for simple practical reasons materially. My mind is flooded with many thoughts.

In 1996 and again in 2000, I became a mom and I relish in the promise that my daughters hold in their hands. I am truly excited for them and all the opportunities they have in front of them, there for the taking. As soon as I became a mom my priority became the children and even though I would still love to find something that makes me feel like a viable individual monetarily speaking, when I'm there each and every day completely present in every facet of their lives, I feel as if that has always been my calling in life. Through them I've fully experienced my own unconditional love.

When I gave birth to my eldest daughter the joy that washed over me was incredible and totally encompassing. Immediately whatever pain was caused by the process of labor disappeared with the sound of her hearty cry. Once she was cleaned and bundled up they held her up for me to see. The look on her face was one of total puzzlement. Her expression asking very clearly, "Who are you"?, "Will you be taking care of me"? Little did she know that at that very moment an incredible, life changing wave of love unlike any other washed over me. During those first few seconds of our official introduction I experienced not only the manifestation of motherly love and instincts but most impacting was the gratitude I felt for the life I had been given and the effort that my mom put forth in caring for me.

This feeling intensified further with the birth of my youngest daughter. She made my heart skip several beats when she didn't cry after delivery. My mind raced as I prepared for something awful to happen. I quickly prayed and asked god to bless my baby and let me experience the joy of having a newborn yet again. Finally a cry came out of my sweet little girl. She still causes my heart to skip a beat frequently but I wouldn't have it any other way.

The love a parent has for a child is like no other always present, all encompassing, knowing no boundaries and never fading.

I'd love for my girls to look out and see me with those same eyes of unconditional, undying, unwavering love. I hope I can provide them with countless reasons to be proud of me and that they'll see through all my life’s mistakes that I was a person that always kept going, kept striving for more no matter how rough things got. But as was my experience I'll have to wait for them to become mothers themselves to see that come to pass.