My Mom Never Throws Away ANYTHING

Let me start by saying I Love My Mom. She has always been there for me and I know that no matter what I will always have a place to go. She will be able to read this, and probably will, so don’t think for one second that I’m not going to pay for this!

You see, my mom has this little issue that I often tease her about and since she hasn’t went too far overboard with it yet, it’s all in fun. She never - and I do mean never - throws away anything that might someday, in the distant far off future, be useful. To set things straight, she doesn’t have aisles in her house or anything like that. She has a lot of knickknacks but they are on shelves and you don’t have to step on or over things to move around. Her house is clean. It’s just that sometimes in that mix we find things that just shouldn’t be there.

Several years ago I was looking for something in her cabinets. I’m not even sure what it was now but what I found was a packet of ranch dressing - so what huh? Well, the expiration date on that dressing was 1974! This was somewhere around ‘98 or ‘99. Maybe I should have put it up on Ebay for auction - it was an antique right?!

I do have to confess that my husband and I are guilty of assisting her in her quest to have at least one of everything. The joke we have anytime we are going to throw something out because part of it broke, or came up missing is “Shouldn’t we check with Mom, see if she wants it first?” That’s how we got rid of our swimming pool when it sprung a leak. She cut the bottom of the liner out and lined her little pond with it, put the pump in the middle of the pond and had a little fountain in her pond. It turned out really cute, so I guess she got one over on us there.

And, I have to admit (she’s going to hurt me for this) that when I throw out something I know she will want but I think is just to big or useless or whatever, I take steps to make sure she isn’t going to take it.

Like the time I redecorated my son’s bedroom. His desk was falling apart so when I took it out, I made sure it would be in the weather for a while - it was that pressboard stuff. Needless to say, by the time she saw it, it was a mess. That didn’t stop her from telling me that I should have called her - she would have taken it. Yeah, I know.

I have to say that anytime I am looking for a piece of this or that, I check with her first. There is almost always a piece of pvc pipe or a shut off valve, compression fitting, button, carpet remnant or do-hickey somewhere in her house or garage. Definitely wood. There is always wood - you name it, 2x4, 4x6, 4x4 - she’s got it. She also has everything under the sun for sewing or crafting. Since she is a seamstress, that stuff is all going to be used sooner or later. All in fun here Mom, don’t forget that!

Sometimes she’ll try to sneak a “curbside” on me. You know, someone puts something they don’t want out on the curb with a “free” sign. I can usually pick these out before she sees them and I just say “No Mom”. Last time it was a recliner. Mind you, she has 2 recliners and a loveseat upstairs and a futon, chair and a papasan chair downstairs. Plenty of furniture already so there was, and is, no way I was, or am, snatching another recliner up. (Love you Mom)

I still think she needs to go through the kitchen cabinets more often though. Last night I wanted some popcorn. In my quest for it, I found an unopened box of kettle corn (yuck) and another one under a bag of pork rinds. No biggie, I sometimes end up with 2 or 3 of something if I’ve forgotten I had it. Then I find 1 pack of popcorn under an unopened box (of regular popcorn). Cool, got my popcorn. Wait for it. I checked the date on the package - 9/2011. Ok, I’ll just open the new box. Um, no, date on that = 3/2011. Gotta love it. I ate the one from 9/2011 - it wasn’t bad and it killed the popcorn craving. Since I am writing this it obviously didn’t hurt me. I do believe expiration dates are more of a guide, with the exception of some refrigerated things of course.

I did try to throw away a few things yesterday while I was working on her house. Who would guess that 4 old mops weren’t trash? When I went out on the porch later, there they were, back in the corner. The handles come in handy (pun intended). On the other hand, the day before, I installed a new breaker, outlet and wiring out to her garage. She had plenty of tubing so saved some money there.

All in all, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just that she has to out live me so I don’t have to go through all of it!