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Parental Bullying - The Bully At Home

Updated on January 26, 2014

Authoritarian Parents Believes That This Is How A House Is Run

A few children will have anger management issues, while others are exceptionally shy to others.
A few children will have anger management issues, while others are exceptionally shy to others. | Source

The Authoritarian Parenting Style

The Authoritarian Parenting Style is a harsh rigid emotional climate that is low in parenting responsiveness and high in parental demandingness.
The Authoritarian Parenting Style is a harsh rigid emotional climate that is low in parenting responsiveness and high in parental demandingness. | Source

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian is Characterized by strict discipline, focus and limitations on children creating a huge psychological pressure.
Authoritarian is Characterized by strict discipline, focus and limitations on children creating a huge psychological pressure. | Source

Father's House.

My father believed that a very strict upbringing along with steadfast adherance to religious principles, would make some "fine upstanding citizens of me and my siblings".

So, my world, at that time, was based on what my father deemed "good" for us to do, to speak or to learn, along with our school work, of course. Every decision, has to go through him. My father said "No", to everything fun!

Boy, was he was critical! We couldn't giggle together, we couldn't laugh out loud or too much laughing for that matter. It made him annoyed if we run around and play too much and we couldn't sit for too long, unless we have homework.

When I was growing up, spanking was the only cure for bad behavior in families, but my father took it to extremes. He would even hit my mother when he thinks we're not around.

I wasn't allowed to go anywhere with my friends! They would all get to go to movies, fun fairs, etc., not me, I was told that I would become brainless and that only stupid people go to those "things".

If I argue with him on anything, I was told to :-

  • "Shut my mouth, you're not a big woman!" or asked,
  • "Who is working (a job) to feed who here?"or
  • "Who is wearing the pants in the house, me or you?"
  • "You are not the mother here"

School was all the fun time we had. I learned about a classification for him in my Social Studies class. Authoritarian!

The Game "Dog and the Bone"

Children being taught how to play the game "Dog and Bone"
Children being taught how to play the game "Dog and Bone" | Source

College Students playing the game "Dog and Bone"

Any age group can enjoy a game of  "Dog and Bone".
Any age group can enjoy a game of "Dog and Bone". | Source

Recess

Our elementary school was within a 15 minutes walking distance from my home and I was allowed to go home for lunch. I would hurry back to school for games, one of the games that me and my classmates would play is called "Dog and Bone"

I have explained how to play it below, and there are pictures. You get to have visual of the way the game is set up and played. I have explained it at the "difficult" level, but feel free to change the positions of the two people in the center of the game and loosen up the rules if you decide to play it.

"Dog and Bone"

The object of the game, to run and grab the "bone" ...... (continued in picture below game)
The object of the game, to run and grab the "bone" ...... (continued in picture below game) | Source

Dog & Bone game continues.


They would then bend over towards the "Bone", from the waist, with one arm extended over other person's back, not touching, but fairly close.

  • The objective here is to be ready, once your opponent touches or grabs the "Bone" you touch or tap him or her on the back before he or she runs away with it.

"Sometimes people would get extremely exited and administer a hearty slap on the back. Do not do that, please."

You are only making a tag to get an "out" for your team. You can also run after them to make the tag.

The other hand would be extending down to the "Bone", again, fairly close but not touching the "Bone".

  • The objective here is to be ready to snatch the "Bone", and dodge your opponent's tag. You also need to race back to the safety of your team, as you can still be tagged before you reach your team dugout.


The referee should be fairly close, (but out of their way), by the two players to observe and pay close attention.

Here is what he or she would look for:-

  1. Any scare or bully tactics.
  2. At what point was the other player tagged, to prevent lying.
  3. If one player's foot was preventing the other from snatching the "Bone".
  4. To be sure the hands are not resting on backs. There is no touching without the bone in hand.
  5. Then there is the part where the referee has to run with the players to make certain that the teams hadn't inched closer to the center point to give their "Dog" an advantage.Basically, no cheating.
  6. Basically, cheating of any sort. I can practically, hear the hot arguments that we used to have, again.

Game "Dog and Bone".

As I promised, here is the "how to" on the game "Dog and Bone".

  1. You need two teams.
  2. Two team captains.
  3. One referee, usually the person whose idea it was to play the game or that person can defer the role to someone else.
  4. An object/ Bone, preferably one that is tricky to pick up, though not too heavy.
  5. A space that gives the teams about 20' apart. To form Dugouts, basically, a marker that you need to stay beyond.

O.K. now that we those requirements, we can begin!

The two captains choose their teams, and they go to opposite ends of the area that was chosen for the game.

The captains or group/leaders, and each player would then discuss game names for each player, in hushed tones e.g mango, peach,diamond, sapphire, etc.,etc., .

This would also be strategy time, each team would discuss who would be paired with a player on the other team, taking strengths and weaknesses into consideration.

While they are doing that, the referee would be marking off the center point from each teams area/dugout and would place the object of the game in the exact halfway point between the two teams.

This should only take about 10 minutes or less.The referee would then call the game to order.
Each team captain would send a player/Dog to vie for the object/Bone.

  • The objective here is to grab the "Bone" and get back to the safety of your team before the other person tags you.

The referee would begin the match when both players/Dogs are ready. You can also call a time-out during the vying, for the "Bone".

  • There is a bent over, forward posture that we would use whilst vying for the "Bone". This would make the game more tricky and even out the odds sometimes.

Read on to the next column to know how you do it.



Have Fun With the Game

Hope you get to play the game sometime soon and have fun as we did playing it!

"Dog and Bone" - Run Back To Your Team.

(continued from picture above game)......And make it back to your team without getting caught.
(continued from picture above game)......And make it back to your team without getting caught. | Source

On Corporal Punishment.

Do you think kids should be punished the way my father punished his kids?

See results

On Authoritarian Parenting.

Would you speak to your child the way my father spoke his child?

See results

It Shouldn't Hurt To Be A Child

One of my father's favorite lines to say to us was "Honor thy father and mother". We would always feel like ungrateful kids when he used that one. You see, my father was a very bossy individual, he believed that he is the law in his house.

Guess what? We were his children, so we were bossy too, except we wouldn't bully to get our way. He knew that, so any opinion we have to voice against anything he has to say were "crushed" as nonsense. And we wouldn't argue, his temper would rise, and that would start a beating, if we ran away. And once we were old enough, we did run. The second we see him pick up something to hit us, we were off!

My father wasn't one to shout and yell. When we ran away, he would set and wait for us to come back into the house to pounce! Or if he was busy, he would come and beat us in our beds at night, even if we were sleeping. Then he would laugh at us at a later date, that was his way of teaching us subservience.

As I got into my teenage years, his method of parenting only instilled anger and hatred in me, although the hatred wasn't deep rooted the anger is.

Honor thy father and mother

The Fifth Commandment preserves the family.
The Fifth Commandment preserves the family. | Source

Mom and Dad

Although I sound biased against my father, I do love both of my parents. In my childhood years, most girls used to go to school to grade 11, after that, they had to stay at home, learn to raise a family and then get married.

My parents didn't do that to me. I wholeheartedly appreciate my father for that, actually, any boy who thought of me that way couldn't get pass my father.

In religious families, the religious education were taught to be God fearing and that your husband should honored as if he was God. This didn't sit well with me, "When I get married, it would be to a human being". This was my thought pattern. Although my father made himself lawmaker over my young life, I was thought to honor God only.

I do, however, thank God for my father and mother. They encouraged education, so I went all the way through High School and on to College, and, the real world.

This is where I began to define me and in the process found a soul mate who was the complete opposite of my father. Oh Happy Life!!!!

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    • skperdon profile image
      Author

      skperdon 4 years ago from Canada

      You're welcome, Emanate Presence. Thank you for the comment. It would take a while longer than I expected.

    • Emanate Presence profile image

      Gary R. Smith 4 years ago from the Head to the Heart

      Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly. May it bring healing.

    • skperdon profile image
      Author

      skperdon 4 years ago from Canada

      I have found forgiveness tamron, but it is not complete.

      It was thirty years ago and my father passed away 2 years ago.

      But I wrestle with it whenever I think about it, why should he get off lightly, then I remember that my mother is an old lady and she deserves some peace in her life.

      You see, my father was nice to everyone else, only we saw that side of him, anyone who knew him would say what a nice man he was.

      We tried telling people what he was like, but they wouldn't believe us, so although, I am able to look at it from a compassionate angle as well, it still makes me angry.

      I wrote about it because I know that there are parents who beat or spank their kids, so I say, "Don't". It damages everyone's demeanor for life. Thank you for your comment tamron, its helps to talk about, finally.

    • tamron profile image

      tamron 4 years ago

      Do you know why your father was so mean and bullied you and your mother?

      I knew a man that beat his 2 kids everyday. I asked him why he wiped his kids everyday? He said that he knew they had to have done something wrong.

      That was when I was a kid. I went an visited the old neighborhood and that man Dick was his name was in his yard. I couldn't believe it.

      We talked I asked about his kids and he flat out told me they hated him and he does even know where they live or nothing about them.

      Finding forgiveness is hard in your situation and there's but forgiveness is the only true way to move forward and win the battle.