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Moms Are Not Created Equal

Updated on April 27, 2012
 As Helen Steiner says: A mother... "is patient and forgiving,  when all others are forsaking, And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . . It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns, And it glows with all
As Helen Steiner says: A mother... "is patient and forgiving, when all others are forsaking, And it never fails or falters even though the heart is breaking . . . It believes beyond believing when the world around condemns, And it glows with all

She raised seven, i raised one. She was stay home mom, i had a career. I don't think i ever heard my mom scream. I did, a lot! She was a real stand out, a cut above the rest. I can say that, because I saw her up close, everyday, in action. Not only was she a competent homemaker, a community woman, she was also a music diva who taught piano, and directed a 300 voice choir. My mom set the bar for mothering so high, I can live another life and not even come close to doing anything she’s done raising seven brats. Even when she could afford maids, she refused to hire even one to help run our large family. She hated lazy. Our home was squeaky clean, I still can’t figure how she managed to keep it dust free 24/7/365, without modern day gadgetry's. She cooked every meal, always from scratch, (ice cream was homemade), and there was always time for book reading, piano lessons, a little TV and night prayer. She was so into hygiene, everyday, she bathed and scrubbed us like the dickens, it hurt! Like a dentist, she would check our mouths after every brushing, make us do it all over again if she thought we didn’t do it right. A breath test by blowing directly into her nose often gave us away. An actual dental appointment and visit with 'Dr Tooth' would follow if she suspected any irregularity, like a cavity. She was a bit more concerned for her girls (like she was grooming us to be beauty queens). She wanted no less than flawless skin and perfect figures, as i mentioned, a vanity she didn’t bother to excuse. She hated mosquito bites, or pimples that caused ugly marks. We were always dressed to the hilt. She actually sewed our dresses, which in this day and age rarely happens. She made it a point, we were the best groomed kids anywhere, from head down. If this perfectionism manifests in anyone of us, blame mom!

Despite me, i raised one amazing daughter/ mom!
Despite me, i raised one amazing daughter/ mom!

Raising the Nextgen Moms

Why do little girls love dolls?
Why do little girls love dolls?


Woe-men who bear

Mothers share the experience of bearing children and raising them. Pregnancy takes a woman into a kind of radical evolution, we have to say is alien to men. Sorry guys, this is totally off your realm once you have successfully implanted your seed into your woman's womb. We more than applaud you as lovers and for being our 'completers'. It would be remiss on our part not to give you credit that's rightfully due you. Because, without you, we will never know the privilege and honor of glorious motherhood. Yet, in this area called 'infanticipating', although you have given this process your best 'shot' (pun intended), to comprehend and 'feel' what it is like? Nah. How can you? We can ask God why it is us and why not you, that had to bear the brunt of discomfort, and be the chosen 'carriage' of "our" baby? We doubt that there is one man. dead or alive, who knows the extent of, as the song goes, 'what we did for love'. Here's the mind boggling truth, and i speak for myself. I loved carrying my child inside me, and i have no regret that i went into a place that allowed me to experience something that changed me forever.

There are world events that affect us. From the physical, emotional and into our psyches. But, there's nothing like going through morning sickness, daily mood swings, spottings and for the more precarious, bleedings and threatened abortion. And guess what? There's no escaping. Some women do better than others, and that's really hard to explain. God bless those nine long months of waiting. Me? I was fortunate, talk about the vicarious. It was my husband who went through the nerves and stress of my pregnancy! For my daughter who was diagnosed as 'high risk', she needed no less than a specialist to make sure she didn't miscarry again. She had to go through great expense, have a procedure called 'Cerclage' (to hold the baby), have daily shots and stay in bed. She made the whole tenure, but had to endure three days of labor. But, she too will tell you, it was all worth it!

Never mind that our noses and limbs swell, and we wobble like ducks. Some of us are so silly, we go crazy looking for clothes to make us look un-pregnant. Hello! Overall we feel like winners in our sort of Mother Mary moment. But, hold your horses and wait until delivery date. All the horror stories we've heard about actual giving birth won't mean a thing when our turn is up. Talk about the most dreaded, anticipated 'mother of all pain' labor. I tell you, pregnancy is the easy part, and waiting is a breeze. But, the 'coming'? There is not enough preparedness, no psyching, neither all the baby books you've read and best advice given will do any good. Expect pain! Don't be like me who cursed everyone, except God! How such a tiny life can turn your world upside down and inside up! And, it's just the beginning! If there is one thing we forget to commend ourselves for, is our 'bravery' to bring a human being into this world.

You are a Signature Mom

God must have heard my prayer when I said I didn’t want to have too many kids. He gave me one, but He didn’t spare me the trouble of 10! My bout in mothering a precocious child was close to disastrous! No, it wasn’t her fault because she was to me perfect. Being quite young, I was clueless about parenting and nervous about making mistakes. Mind you, I made a lot. To say it was difficult is an understatement. I was so unlike my mom who stayed home. I had to work. I was busy building a career, so i had to hire a full time nanny to take care of my kid, who practically ran our home. I made enough money to give my daughter everything she needed. I didn't miss a beat, in giving her the extras, like going to the beach every weekend, building her record collection of Donny Osmond, concerts to watch, eating at the best restaurants, shopping, and i played 'Event Coordinator' for her yearly theme parties.

The ‘mother of all journey’ is a very serious thing. I knew i didn't have it all. In fact i was an insecure mom if i remember. But, i gave my best, almost giving up (because we blunder and have a hard time forgiving ourselves), not giving in and plainly giving. I didn’t rely too much on Dr Spock, I trusted my own intuitiveness, common sense, and a little help from the more experienced family members. Maybe I was winging things, but i am more than sure, my love for my child would always prevail. It is, as other mothers like me will agree, nothing like any other love. It is unconditional, like God’s love for us. I was committed to this precious living gift, to see her through, no matter what the cost. She was placed in my care, not as coincidence, or by accident. I spent many years nurturing, guiding and teaching my child. During some crossroads, I thought it was a bit one way. At times I felt the burden of my responsibility and even complained. But wisdom always shows up. I was, and am blessed and privileged to be a mother. I was, and still is, a student of my child in life's greatest classroom. I finally came to terms with the fact. that the most important lessons in the life of a woman will be learned as she invests in the life of her offspring. I learned there is no such thing as giving too much love. That “it is more blessed to give than to receive” couldn’t be truer when your children makes constant demands on you. .

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    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you Hubmu!

    • hubmu profile image

      hubmu 

      8 years ago from BN

      beautiful and original hub

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Hahaha! Yes, from scratch, and it seems so rare these days. Mom rubbed my sister's birthmark all the time thinking it was dirt, and made my sister cry all the time! I think that was mom's religion-cleanliness. You're such a sweetheart my bro. Glad you like the pictures.

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      What a lovely tribute to your Mom and all moms. Meals made from scratch? That is awesome! Scrubbed like the dickens, eh? Cleanliness is next to Godliness, that's what they say! I enjoyed your writing very much. Thank you! I love your pictures too!

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks Mickey Dee!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Very nice thoughts IslandVoice! Happy Mothers Day!

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      HPR: I thank you for your kind comment. You are a sensitive man to agree that we are brave mothers.

      G! Happy Mother's Day! Mama was a superwoman, and it was frustrating to try to live up to her standard, altho she really didn't impose it on her girls. Her vanity, yes! But i did come to terms with myself and i know i did ok. My baby thinks so! How sad you lost your mom too soon. Btw, i'm having my new works printed, and you will be getting a few as soon as they are ready. I didn't want to send you the old ones. Love and hugs!

    • GPAGE profile image

      GPAGE 

      8 years ago from California

      Very Touching S! Nice wonderful thoughts all wrapped into this wonderful hub!

      Mother's Day is a time to reflect whether there are good memories or not so good memories...I just wrote a hub about experiences that I had in my childhood....

      It is funny, when you mention things you could have done better as a mother? Maybe it was because you had a mother that was so impressive! Since my mother died when I was a child I never had a reference point or person to compare and therefore I feel I have done an excellent job!!!!! I bet you are a bit hard on yourself ;

      So am I!!!! It was nice to see the pics of your family also......

      Happy Mother's Day! Gx

    • H P Roychoudhury profile image

      H P Roychoudhury 

      8 years ago from Guwahati, India

      It is a wonderful hub full of love, fear, uncertainty and instinct of bravery. I do feel it is the highest ‘bravery’ of a woman to bring a human being into this world.

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Hahaha! Andromida! Your mom must be beautiful because you love her, even if she screams? Much thanks!

    • andromida profile image

      syras mamun 

      8 years ago

      I am sure you are a great mum.I think most mums feel insecure about their child.Thanks for talking abt screaming mums-I am scared of them.thanks :)

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks Ethel! Appreciate your visit.

    • ethel smith profile image

      Ethel Smith 

      8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      What wonderful thoughts and memories of your experiences. Thanks for sharing your Mum with us.

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Hello, hello: Much thanks!

      Bing: Happy Mother's Day too Bing!

    • profile image

      Bing 

      8 years ago

      Wonderful piece, Syl. Happy Mother's Day!

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      An excellent tribute to mothers and they deserve it. Thank you.

    • IslandVoice profile imageAUTHOR

      Sylvia Van Velzer 

      8 years ago from Hawaii

      Nikka/Nona: You are one of those who inspired me to write this blog. Keep up the good wwork!

      Shalini Kagal: Happy Mother's Day and thanks for the visit and comment.

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 

      8 years ago from India

      Unconditional love - only a mother can! Thank you for this wonderful hub - and a happy mother's day to you too!

    • profile image

      Nikka/Nona 

      8 years ago

      "...the most important lessons in the life of a woman will be learned as she invests in the life of her offspring. I learned there is no such thing as giving too much love."

      I agree! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Happy Mother's Day to a beautiful, wonderful Mom!

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