ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Parent and Child-Improving Parent-Child Relations

Updated on November 7, 2019

10 Ways to Improve Parent and Child Relations

Replacing punishment and replacing rewards are two ways to improve parent and child relations. Three more ways include considering consequences, being firm, and avoiding conflicts.

Considering Consequences

In order to improve relations between parent and child, it is wise to incorporate the use of what I call consequential discipline. This technique is based on the idea that children do not willingly do what they believe is not good for them. For example, if a child touches a hot pan and gets burned, the next time he will not knowingly touch the hot pan.

This reasoning supposes that actions have a consequence. A parent can apply this kinowledge wisely once a child has enough reasoning to avoid the unpleasant results of his actions.

Similarly, why nag when your child is late coming inside for snack? If snack time is over when he finally arrives, he simply has no snack ( a consequence for being late). This natural consequence requires no nagging, no lecturing and no punishment.

Likewise, parents can set up logical consequences if the natural consequences are harmful. For example, if a child continually leaves his toys lying around, a parent can pick them up and store them away. The child quickly learns that he will lose his toys if he does not pick them up. A prudent parent will return the toys when he sees that the child is picking up his own toys. What a great feeling the parent and child have when the child takes responsibility for picking up his own toys.

Being Firm

Being firm is another way to improve parent and child relations. When a parent develops this skill and couples it with fairness and consistency, there is no need for stressed relations. When a parent uses firmness wisely, it decreases the need to dominate and it helps establish limits for the child.

Children are always trying to find their limits. If the limits are unclear, the results can be explosive and the parents' response can be one of outrage.

When children push the limits because the limits are unclear, parents are contributing to behavior problems especially when they over react.

Parents may ask, "how can I be firm without dominating?" A dominating parent imposes his own will on the child. Instead, the parent can, in advance, determine what he will do about certain unacceptable behaviors and then carry it out. For example, if children become unruly when visiting friends, mother can quietly say, "OK, Let's go home. I do not like this behavior."

Before long, the children realize that mom did not yell. Mom did not spank. Instead, she simply decided to leave rather than dominate her children.

Maintaining order in the family sometimes requires firmness and gentle pressure, but not domination. Children come to realize their limitations because of their parents' firm insistance.

In most cases, parents can give children a choice (which allows them to be responsible). For instance, if Johnny is teasing Susie and pestering her, mom can firmly say, "You may stop that or you may go to your room for five minutes." This way mom has not dominated and Johnny has made a choice. No yelling. No fussing. Improved parent and child relations.

Avoiding Conflict

Conflict involves the parent and the child. If one of them withdraws, the other cannot continue. I once had a student who would not do his work during class. I tried every way I knew to get him to do the work, including domination. Every day the same conflict ensued.

Finally, I realized that I was part of the conflict. I decided I would just tell him that he did not have to do his work and that instead, he could color. Amazingly, he actually wanted to do his work. No domination. No fuss. I just avoided the conflict. Every day, after that, he wanted to do his class work.

If parents learn to avoid conflict, in reasonable, non-threatening, non-dominating ways, parent and child relations will improve greatly. Just withdraw from conflict. Don't get involved in it.

What a wonderful thing to see resistance fall away from children once they see that there is no point in continuing a one sided battle!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)