Parenting Your Teen: Skills and Stategies

Being a parent and not a friend (a buddy) may be one of the most difficult things for parents of teenagers to understand. Too many parents want to act like their teenagers BFFs without realizing they may lose both respect and attention.

This is great wisdom for parents. It is difficult to raise a teen in today's world and the suggestions you list, such as a support group, avoiding power struggles, are so important. Above all, as you wrote, LOVE them through this season of life.

Fantastic hub,lots of good points.not so long ago I had four teenagers at once.trying times,but worth the effort when I see them now.

My kids are now in their 40s. My oldest son and I are in on a house, and I live with him and his wife, and my 17-yr-old granddaughter. HERE WE GO AGAIN!......'cause I've ended up the primary parent. She is a bright girl, drop-dead-Playboy-look-out gorgeous and lazy as molasses sliding down tree bark. She also loves to socialize and have friends over, bury herself in her phone, and drive my daughter-in-law's car. So I have her on a very reasonable contract. I got a lawyer friend to play along, took her to see him, he explained contract law to her and witnessed her signature. Sounds Draconian? No, it impressed her and she understands that if she loses her phone for an evening, or doesn't get the car or whatever.......SHE made that happen. We've talked it thru and she agrees that the consequences are fair. Now, I need to stick to the programme like shit to a blanket. I know if I falter, give in, succumb to tears etc. the whole plan is down the drain. and no anger, raised voices, nothing like that. the big test is Sept., when she starts Grade 12. Up here, if you want into University, you pretty well have to get straight

As. Anything less, you have to start post-secondary in a Community College. Okay.....but only okay. She's perfectly capable of the straight As She just needed an offer she couldn't refuse.

The net result of NOT making teens responsible for their own actions, or, as I prefer to put it, helping them understand that consequences are not imposed by some authority from the outside, but are an inevitable flow in a process THEY helped to draft. Simple. It works. It helps teens be proud and feel good about themselves. And it makes them better citizens. And at times they will hate your guts and wish you were dead.

Parenting teens is tough, we never know how much is too much! Avoiding lecturing is the best thing to do because lectures simply do not help. Wish there was a guide book with tips and tricks that really work! Great hub, voted up.

a great share Audrey, I understand this frustration raising teenagers.. that's when they want to become their own person.. and we do the best we can to allow them to grow into themselves... phew.. top ten is helpful bless you

Another great hub. I can only say I am glad that the last of our teens turned 20 two years ago. I am only kidding, or am I. Great subject.

Been there, done that, and I ain't doing it again. LOL Bev's last child is eighteen and moving for college in two weeks. Our teen raising will be officially completed. Great tips here and all right on.

Hi Audrey, That was all very excellent advise. That is what I heard from my pastor first and then from a therapist, when my girls were teens. Now I remember that with my granddaughters and that what I try to tell my daughter. It is a difficult process, but important. God bless you.

Interesting approach. It is so different for many, and again some kids seem as if they are born to listen and others ... well ...

All salient points though. Thank you, Audrey.

"Parenting teens can be the most challenging period of a parenting career." You are the master of understatement. My oldest is in her 40's, and I am not over her teen years.

Great counsel, Audrey. "Love never fails." That deserves the number one spot. As for number eight, I've met many parents who say they're tired of talking or that the teens already know; keep talking is a great reminder.

Raising a teen has never been easy and certainly today it is more difficult. I'm sure each generation has said that, but there is just so much more going on in the world.

Love and giving them space is certainly the best way to accomplish a good relationship with your teen. Respect is another.

My youngest is in his late thirties, but now I look at grandchilden from the age of two to twenty-three. Thankfully, my kids are doing a great job.

Raising a teen is difficult but fun too. You've listed some great tips. Listening to them is very important...

Excellent hub and very useful advice! I liked it when you listed the numbers backwards.

I believe that parenting the Teens is the most difficult phase of parenting. It is then that we have to patient, set examples and be very careful.

Thanks for sharing this helpful hub! Shared on HP!

Audrey, this is excellent, and I enjoyed the comments as well. Being a parent of a teen is challenging but can be fun too. It's such a roller coaster of emotions. I am sometimes surprised at how far some parents can go to try to control their teens' exposure to risks. They end up sheltering them so much that the teens push it all underground rather than openly discuss their lives.

I agree with everything you've mentioned, Ms. Audrey. I myself have an adolescent son whose father, sad to say, has passed away.

(So, you can just imagine what a challenge parenting has been for me!)

Even when my son was in his pre-teen years, I made sure to support his interests, and help hone his talents. I also check on his peers/friends.

You're also right in saying that we must allow our teens to make mistakes so that they learn the hard way and mature from the experience. (I'd like to add that they should learn to accept defeats or failures.)

This is one hub worth rereading. Thanks for sharing!

Al of this makes sense. Isn't this how we wanted to be treated when we were a teen?

Hi AudreyHowitt!

Came back to congratulate you for the well deserved Hubbie award. I feel happy and honoured to follow you.

Thank you and have a great day!

Great hub, Audrey! I think the breaking away happens on both sides! Even though we love our kids to pieces, they still know how to push all the right buttons- at least my daughter did!! I was ready to let her go away to school and learn to apply the things we'd taught her. She is 20 now and a delight to her dad and me. She has actually told us that she is glad we held our ground when she begged otherwise! In hindsight, I wish I hadn't lectured so much. I know she tuned me out. Wonderful advice which I will surely share.

All the best,

Cat:)

Sounds like good advice. I never had these issues everyone talks about afflicting teens, and my daughter never did either. I'm wondering what is causing it in mainstream society. I think perhaps the difference may be that me and my daughter are both loners and so we were not influenced by the ideas and actions of the people around us as much as people with more social natures.

Sharing this article as those people with teen problems may find help here.

Great advice here. Parenting is different in all cultures. You shared useful points.

Very useful article Audrey, thank you so much. My main problem is that I am more friend for my kids and less parent. Now they think that they can twist me around their fingers :D

I love reading your hub, I have a teen, always open up my ears to her

I'm returning because this is so excellent. Every parent should read it, again and again.

Number 1 is key, Audrey, as you must know

All of the other things fall into place if love is present.

One thing that I found important is to have a climate of trust...my daughter knew that unconditionally no matter what she said to me, I would love and care for her. I just wanted to know the TRUTH and then we would go from there. It did not mean she was not chastised in some manner but it would gone far worse had she lied. Trusting each other is still our mantra today.

Angels are on the way to you..so sorry to be so long in responding...a lot going on with my family at present. ps

I wish I would have known these tips when my sons were still teens. It might have helped, especially the part about avoiding power struggles. As parents, we make the mistake of thinking that our children are extensions of ourselves that we will always be able to control, just as we control the fingers on our own hands. When children reach their teens they develop their own wills and begin to assert their independence. It is a frustrating, eye opening experience for parents, and we truly do not know how to handle it. The good news is that if we have taught them solid values throughout their lives, these values are eventually reflected in their character, but it takes time. Great hub!