- Family and Parenting
Parents Need To Punish Their Kids
Not too long ago I wrote a article on the most horrible case of a child being locked in a cage by his parents. That child after a long time of being abused eventually died. But now I feel as though I must also write an article from the other end of the spectrum. There are those like the parents that kept their kid in a cage where punishing their children goes to such an extreme that it is serious abuse but not punishing your children at all can have just as dire consequences in this day and age.
Children should have set boundries and be made aware of what is right and wrong. If they do something they know is wrong they should be punished. It is up to their parents to decide the level of punishment. My suggestion is that the punishment should fit the crime. There is no excuse for parents not punishing their children when they are doing wrong other than laziness. It is as much about self discipline of the parent as it is about the child. You must have a structure to it and outline the boundries and follow through with punishments each time they are crossed. If you don't the child will eventually lose respect for you.
I can offer several different examples where lack of discipline led to serious issues.
During my childhood I had a friend whose parents had split up at an early age as he grew a little older and his parents passed him back and forth the father would use him to vent his frustrations against his former wife constantly giving him things that she forbid. Letting him do things she would not and despite her best efforts to discipline and bring him up right over the years his father made him resent his mother.
I remember several times when we were at his home, another when she took us to the library where he would insult his mother to her face. He would call her worthless, swear at her, contradict everything she said. My brother and I, who were brought up to respect our parent even as kids felt awkward and sorry for her. By the time he was in his mid teens we were not really friends anymore but we heard that he had pushed his mother down the stairs. She ended up with a broken leg, hip and apparently two broken ribs where he had hit her with a baseball bat.
He was taken to juvenile hall (kind of like kid jail) when he eventually returned he lived with his grandmother a short time and eventually moved into a ghetto apartment. He now spends his time drug dealing and collecting welfare. But with the proper discipline and support of that discipline by both parents would have made him a different person.
Other examples I can see beginning in some of my children's friends one girl in particular that plays with my daughter is spoiled by her mother. Her mother purchases her cell phones, big screen TVs, stereos and more but is unable to truly punish any wrong doings. When she is caught lying, stealing even once punching another child in the face at school her mother will give a punishment but once the girl begins crying she rescinds the punishment.
This has caused her daughter to become petty, selfish, rude, has caused even more lying and deceit. She has no respect for her own property let alone someone else. She once called our home 9 times in the same day for my daughter to visit her going from asking nicely for her to come over, to crying on the phone, to becoming angry. This is the point where we realized that associating with this child would be bad for our daughter and we began taking her to visit other friends and they now see very little of each other, only really at school.
Another instance that is a little more basic is that of a mother of a five-year old who came into the bus station while I was waiting for a bus. The station had sliding doors and the mother was trying to hold the hand of her child but the kid was throwing a tantrum. She began to let him walk around himself and he walked right out of the sliding doors of the station at which point she ran after him and brought him back inside. After doing this several times and her bringing him back in several times he eventually walked outside and was almost run over by one of the buses.
The parent immediately began yelling at the driver of the bus. But another gentlemen that had been watching her kid run outside over and over for the past half hour cut in and told her straight out that is she had simply kept a hold of her kid instead of letting him run outside over and over she wouldn't need to worry about him getting run over and that if something happened to him it would be her own fault. Suffice to say she was speechless, insulted she stormed off with her kid to catch her own bus.
But the gentlemen was right. If you haven't taught your child enough self discipline to stick with you. Do not let him go as he may end up somewhere dangerous. If you want to raise your voice with a stranger why not with your own child and let him or her know their behavior is unacceptable.
In this day and age there is a strong view that punishment of children is the same as abuse but I tell you it is not. If you expect your child to grow up, have self discipline and become a fully functional member of society this involves punishing them when they are wrong so that they understand these things for their future lives. It can mean the difference between growing up and having the self discipline and ambition to become a business professional or having no self discipline and degenerating into a criminal, drug dealer, prostitute, etc. You make the early choice for your child, choose well.