- Family and Parenting
Raising a son that happens to be gay
When I was 18 years old I happened to get pregnant by a boy that I was dating at the time. He was a bad boy, I was into bad boys then. I thought they were fun, exciting, and exhilarating and boy was I wrong on that one, but the good experience that came out of that relationship was my son.
I know I was but a mere child myself and very inexperienced in the ways of the world. I thought that just loving my child would get us by and for the most part it did; but it was a long, learning experience that made me who I am today, and made my son who he is today. My son is a strong, handsome, honest, all around good guy, with a heart of gold and a soul to match. The only problem SOME people have with my son, is that he is gay.
I knew my son was gay way before he did, probably by the age of 4 or 5, he started showing tendencies that made me think hmmm. Could it be....?..At the time I was married to a very tough military policeman in the Air Force that thought that he could make a man out of my son. Toughen him up as it were. But it didn't work.
When my son was about 5 he would love to steal my shoes out of my closet and parade around the living room pretending to be a girl. I thought at the time that he was just emulating me, his mother, the one that he looked up to the most. He loved the movie The Wizard of Oz and always wanted to be Dorothy on Halloween. His dad would call him a queer and I would get so upset that he would react this way. I would try to explain to my husband that we just had to let him be who he was and not worry about it, he would probably eventually grow out of it.
After my son started school I really started to notice the differences between him and other boys. He wasn't interested in sports, or boy toys. He had a little friend that lived next door named Crystal and they would often play together; they played with barbie dolls and whatever dolls she had. My son loved to play with dolls. My husband would just rant and rave when he would witness this and he banned him from all doll play. I felt so sorry for my son. Afterall he just wanted to play with a doll. I seemed to recall reading that if you deprive a child of something that he would want it all the more, so I indulged him as much as I could.
By the time that my son was in middle school things got worse. My son was getting picked on at school and I would have to go talk to his teachers about other kids picking on him. One of his teachers had the audacity to tell me, "well your son is pretty soft spoken. what are the other kids to think"? I saw red and I couldn't wait for him to finish middle school, I couln't pull him out of that school because it was on a military base and since we lived on base he couldn't go to a different school until he went to high school, but I did report the teacher. I don't think anything ever came of that.
By the time that my son was in High School, I knew that whatever my son was going through would not change and he was definitely gay, no matter how hard he tryed to pose himself as being straight. He wasn't fooling anyone. it was an unspoken truth about him that we really didn't talk about or acknowledge. And I really didn't care that he was gay. He was still my son, I loved him and would stand by him no matter what happened. The only thing that worried me was the world around us. The way in which others would perceive him and probably make fun of him and heaven forbid want to hurt him because he was different.
By the time he came out to me it was a relief, he had by then gotten married and divorced and finally came to terms with his sexuality. I think he thought that I was shocked but nothing could be further from the truth, I told him I knew it way before he did and we laughed about it but I let him know that I would rather him be happy and gay then trying to be straight and unhappy. I still stand by this.
I really doubt at the age of 4 or 5 that my son distinguished enough about sex to make a decision to be gay. I gave him love and support and raised him up to be the man that he is today. He is a strong, beautiful, sensitive soul whom I love with all my heart. In a sense we grew up together because I was so young when I had him. There have even been times that he has played the role as parent and I the child when life has not been good to me. He has always been there for me and I will always be there for him. He is my rock. He is my flesh and blood and has been my support for many years. He is my mamas boy as well. I shudder to think that anyone would want to hurt him or discriminate against him just because of his sexual orientation. I mean I couldn't care less what my neighbor does in the bedroom, why should anyone care what my son does.
My advice to anyone who is raising a gay son or daughter is just to love them, not to turn their backs on them because what they are dealing with, which is hard enough without someone passing judgement constantly on them. There is no way in hell that anyone that is gay would want to decide to be gay in this day and age, when they are discriminated against or hurt and sometimes killed. If your son or daugher is gay know that they were born the way they are. They have no choice in the matter.
I really do not want to get into a religious battle with anyone about my son, and I do not care to hear what it says in the bible about gays, I know what it says, it says a lot of things. Most of the hatred surrounding my son and people like him came from so called Christians that had this hatred against him and didn't think twice about voicing their opinions about who is going to hell and who is not. I just know that I love my son unconditionally and so does Jesus and I raised him as such. Of all the people in this world that my son knows he can trust, it is me, he also knows he can trust Jesus because he is the one that made my son and he knows I love him no matter what. And I know that Jesus loves him too.
For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.Gal3:26
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