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Raising terrific kids!!!
This is my first hub and I want to dedicate it to my 4 kids who are the reason I´m writing here. To introduce myself I will tell you that i´m a mother of for kids: my 9 years old son, my 7 years old daughter and my 5 years old twins. It is really hard for me to raise so many kids because I am always trying to be perfect and trying to make everything the perfect way so I get frustrated when I´m not able to do it. I live far away from my parents and sisters, my whole family lives between South and North America and I am not able to run to them whenever I need help our some advice or when i feel desperate. My husband is a lucky man and has part of his family close to him, so even when I dont, have my own family i have his.
I decided to write this hub when I got my first question from a hubber: Raising kids- 5 best tips. I got a brainstorm and choose my 5 best tips. i hope you like them!!!
Do not try to be the perfect family
The perfect family does not exist, not even the perfect parent. Sometimes we imagine us being one way and realize that we are actually very different than what we expected. This sometimes makes me angry because It makes me belive that I am not on the right track. It took time for me to understand that nobody is perfect, it was a hard time specially when you consider you have perfect parents and you want to be like them.
What I can tell you is that all you have to do is show your kids how much you love them and make them feel safe with you. Tell them that they can count on you and that even when you are not perfect you will do your best.
Listen, talk and teach instead of punishing
Using positive discipling is the best way to teach kids. But actually is really hard to do. I have 4 kids and one of the most difficult tasks for me (I guess for many parents) is to talk to them and try to reason with them, to let them realize what they have done and the consecuences of choosing the wrong way. I also believe that kids are really intelligent and actually know what they have to do.
Asking for advice and reading articles about raising kids I got some ideas:
- Ask them about their feelings, and the reasons of their actions.
- Express your own feelings, let them know if you approve or not their actions.
-Teach them how to solve problems, let them know they have to choose the right choice.
- When necesary take action, don´t melt down. Let them know who set the rules.
This is a hard issue, specially for me beacuse my kids are always fighting for almost everything. I read thas this is a fact, siblings almost always fight, this is not right but for them is a way to find out how far they can go, test their limits and learn to negotiate.
To tell you the truth, is really hard to see how your kids have arguments almost all the time, yell at the other and even hit their siblings. The funny thing here is that after a few minutes they love each other again. I heard that in this situations you have to be specific about which behavior is allowed and which not . Believe me, I´m stil having a hard time with this.
Another important thing is to avoid comparing kids, each one is different and unique, with their goods and bads. Even when you raise them the same way, with the same rules, you will find out that they are never going to be the same. Comparing kids helps increase siblings rivality.
Something I am proud at is that my parents where always fair with us, my sisters and i had never the feeling that they love one more than the other. I guess my husband and I are following them and being fair with our kids.
What I like about them is that they protect each other, specially my son who believes he is a little daddy for his sisters. The other day he almost make me cry, when he told me: "Mom, I am big enough to take care of my sisters when you go to work". I said: "Well thanks but you are not big enough yet, besides why do you want to take care of the?" And he said: "Because I dont want you to spend your money on babysitters if i can help you save some money" That comment showed me that even when thay fight they care about each aother and about me too!!
My Terrific Kids!!!
You make the rules
Something I found out is that when different people take care of your kids or just interact with them, it turns hard for them to follow your rules So the important thing here is to talk with your couple, family, babisitters and friends about those rules and that they have to stick to them. This will help to minimize posible conflicts.
Some rules are related to bedtime, foodtime, manners, TV time, and many others. I understand that we all are different and that is going to be hard to follow the rules when they don´t think they are fair. If it is necesary put in writing so they all can respect them
Have time for yourself
Raising kids is always hard, no matter if you have easygoing kids or troublemakers. Kids do not come with a guide to teach you how to deal with them. Being a parent is a fulltime job that as any job needs a time out. I used to feel guilty about this issue, because sometimes I just wanted to be alone or to wake up late in the morning or to have no responsabilities for one day. This is almost imposible, but at least you can try to give yourself a break. We are not machines, we need some rest, not only physical but also emotional.
Don´t you ever think that you are not a loving parent just because you need your space. You in fact have to take care of yourself too!!!! How can you take good care of your kid when you are tired and stressed out? This will not work. When my kids are at school, my husband and I sometimes take a time to go out and walk, or go to a restaurant or just seat down and chat!!! Do not be afraid of leaving your kids to go out and have sometime for yourself, just look for the right person to take care of your kids, someone responsable and that you can trust....
Good Luck Raising Terrific Kids!!!