Random Thoughts for Today

For most of the past 14 years I have occupied my time with being a fulltime parent, a busy volunteer, an attentive wife and everything my friends and family have needed me to be. I was ok with that because I know that part of what I was meant to be in this world as a woman is a helper and a nurturer and it brings me joy. I received accolades like being the best friend,"oh you're such a good mom", or "you were so smart in high school"(don't know quite what that meant), Volunteer of the Year at my childrens' school and other horn toots that were meant to make me feel like "somebody". No matter how hard I worked to please others and not focus on myself, I knew that the day would come when being just a soccer mom would no longer make sense to me. Afterall, my children would get older and all be in school one day. My plan was to go back to school and do all the things that were expected of me to make all the folks around me happy by me contributing to the ways and things of the world. So I did it. I enrolled in a four year college in my late 30s and attempted to find a job with the last fulltime employment on my resume being about 15 years ago. That apparently was worth a few chuckles with employers out there and some responses even more insulting than the humiliating smirk. I finally took a moment to relax and allow myself to explore my revelations and a few things came to me. I began to ask myself why I was wasting my time trying to figure out what makes sense to anyone else. I began to accept who I am, what I have been to those that I love throughout the years, and the strong, versatile woman that will constantly change and grow. I was created to not just procreate but to create. I don't need to follow anyone else's guidelines for my life or even apply for anyone's job; not because I can't get the job but I have talents that are worth something and I have the time and intelligence to be whoever I want to be. And more importantly, what God created me to be.