- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice
Saying No To Your Child is Okay
I’m not quite sure if it’s the parents or the children these days that need to be corrected. All I know is, if we don’t manage our children today and stop trying to befriend them then we are in big trouble. Countless times I hear from parents how their kids have done something wrong and yet they manage to still get their out of control child a new outfit or a shiny new gift when it isn’t even their birthday or any family loving holiday. What’s wrong with this picture? Plenty.
I don’t know about you but when I was growing up and did something barely resembling wrong I was corrected in my behavior with a more than memorable punishment and told if it happened again I would have no birthday gifts or whatever next-step punishment fit the crime. Fear drove me to straighten up. Is that what we are lacking in giving our children? Are we skipping the step of putting fear into them? No, I don’t want anyone’s child cringing at the sight of their parents if they merely step into the same room. But by simply instilling in your child that there are repercussions and consequences to their actions is nothing short of right. Rewarding bad behavior that happened days before is not sending out the right message.
It’s completely understandable that these days parents are busy. There are price hikes in gas, milk’s no longer the price it was and providing for the family is a mother and father tag team. And it is harder for parents to make the family time that is needed to spend with our children but we have to make an effort. There is absolutely no excuse for not teaching your children right from wrong. Telling your child no when it is warranted from the time they are out of the womb is not the end of the world. Yes it comes with a sting because no parent wants to see the look on their child’s face and the quiver of that bottom lip when they have to be stern with them. But preparing your child to hear the word no can only help them in the long run.
Why does this help them in the long run? It helps them learn how to cope with rejection in life. Guess what, children grow up. And when they grow up they are eager to get out into the big bad world. When they get into the big bad world and handed that first rejection on a silver platter they will be able to handle it and move on to life’s next challenge. Do you know why they were able to handle it? Because you’ve prepared them for such things and they know that it’s not the end of the world. They know that they can continue on in life because you did them a tremendous service by preparing them at a young age. I feel that some of the problems of today is due to some of the spoiling that they receive when parents have a fear these days of being stern with their kids.
Dare I say that a parent’s hard work is responsible for a spoiled child’s behavior? It seems that the more a parent makes the more they give to their child which in turn seems to give the child a sense that they are entitled to have things given to them even when they have done nothing to deserve it. A child’s behavior should be rewarded when they have done something good. A passing grade, helping another, doing their chores, these are the things we need to remember to reward for. Some parent’s feelings of a constant need to give to their child still results from the fact that a parent wants to ensure that their child have what they did not. And this is fine but parents have to be mindful that this can cause behavior that is more than pleasing from their child. It is up to the parent to show there child, when the timing is right, that being given things is now how the world works. There will be times in life that they will have to work hard to get what they want. If a child does lead a life of getting pretty much everything that they want, it is a parent’s job to bring to light that there are other’s in the world that are without. Have them volunteer for the less fortunate, donate their unused belongings, anything to make them aware that just because you may shower them with gifts from time to time, it does not mean that that is how the world works.
These are the rantings of a single, unmarried woman with friends that seem to be bogged down by the trials that they’re children have caused them. I’m not a parent nor do I want to be for that matter. With everything that goes on in today’s lives things seem to be harder and harder for parents, children and teens. Between the “realities” of television, friend influences, the fears of sexting and bullying it is even harder than parenting in the past. But I find myself often wondering why things with children have gotten out of hand. I only can speak for the upbringing that I received by a single mother. I dared not say a word against her or make her work any harder than she had to. I did my chores and when I was out of line and corrected I made sure I did not cause her anguish again. Maybe perhaps it just differs child to child and the problematic teens I see are only a small window of examples.