Similarities Between My Cat and My Baby (Humour)

For years, friends and family fretted that my life just wouldn’t be complete until I had a baby of my very own to love and care for. In their wisdom, they insisted that having a cat just wasn’t the same as raising a baby. They assured me that one day I’d understand.

Today is that day. I totally understand ... I understand that my friends and family were wrong. Let the comparison begin!

My cat must be registered with the municipality and receives collar tags.

My baby must be registered with the federal and provincial government and is tagged with a Social Insurance Number and Birth Registration Card.

Both require special shots and immunizations before I can safely take them out in public.

I can’t afford medication for either.

Neither can eat “people food”, so I’m forced to pay outrageous prices for food specifically designed for them.

Both require special gear (diapers, leashes, strollers, clothing etc.), so I’m forced to pay outrageous prices for gear specifically designed for them.

Two words:

Both are instantly awake and expecting to be fed every time they hear me in the kitchen.

My cat gets praise for pooping the litter box and covering up when he’s done.

My baby gets praise for the hard work it takes for her to push out poops every day or so.

... I have to clean up after both.

Both have special toys that they love to play with, won’t share with others and slobber all over.

I find myself shouting, “Hey! No claws!” and “Be gentle with me!!” just as often with my baby as I do with the cat.

Both are extremely curious and want to know what I’m doing every moment of the day ... and then get in the way as they try to "help" ...

My cat has a box with shredded paper for cushioning to make it his personal bed.

My baby has a basket with fluffy towels for cushioning to make it her personal bed.

My cat is awake every few hours to visit the litter box, eat and walk across my body before settling down again.

My baby is awake every few hours to be changed, fed and burped before settling down again.

TIME OUT! ... It works. For both.

Both have special shampoo and their own special towels. Both cry and squirm during a bath, but secretly enjoy the experience.

When not asleep, my cat demands constant attention and wants to be held all the time.

When not asleep, my baby requires constant attention and wants to be held all the time.

Both are just so cutie-patootie-poo-poo to the point that I just wanna do gooshie baby-talk and cuddle them all up! Yes, I do. Oh, yes!

Both of them were born with perfect innocence and trust me implicitly. They both love me unconditionally for who I am, just the way I am.

Aside from their similarities, each has their own advantages. Let’s take a moment to evaluate:

If I were writing a product review, I’m afraid this would be a tie given the similarities and weight of comparisons. Sorry, Mom; having a cat seems to be exactly the same as raising a baby (minus the 33 hours of mind-bending labour).

Now that we have that matter settled, I know what to expect when it comes to raising a child. Based on the past 10 years I spent raising my cat from a teeny-tiny kitten to a full-grown tom, I can look forward to:

• Having my breakables knocked to the floor;
• Finding cupboards opened and items pulled out onto the floor;
• Having to play goalie every time I open the door to keep Baby from running outside;
• Stepping on toys strewn all over the floor;
• Having Baby stand in the kitchen entry, begging for food;
• Preventing Baby from shoving the screen out of the window (and falling after it);
• Having Baby weave between my legs while I'm carrying a hot drink; and
• Making sure the toilet lid is down so Baby doesn't go “fishing”.

Yep, it's gonna be an interesting 18 years.