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A Stay at Home Dad Gets Fit!

Updated on March 13, 2013
Christofers Flow profile image

Christofer has been a paralegal for 25 years. He has 4 children and 8 grandchildren. He and his mother studied astrology for over 40 years.

Heart and Mind SERIES

Being a "Stay At Home" Dad is a study in focusing on what is not natural to you. It is an extremely tough job. Then, she's a girl. Then she is a Libra. For those of you who are not familiar, a Libra female is proper, balanced, preoccupied with being pretty and love's a nice environment. You have to learn how to change a girl, and you have to comply with Mother's rules (which are very particular). And then there are the normal things: (Note: This Libra Female was under Father's care from about 6 months to two and a half years.)

When he ended his term, he was pretty qualified, but in the beginning, he had to keep remembering:

Don't feed them adult food.

Don't let them drink beer.

Keep keys and important items away from toddler scanning and reach.

Keep all things that could roughly end up being a weapon out of their hands.

Try to keep honey, sugar, jam and sticky junk away from them at all times.

Don't let them run around with any of the above items.

Wash their faces before Mother comes home.

Try not to let her do her "hide and seek" game just before Mother comes home. Not knowing where your child is just when Mother comes home is a very big drawback.

Don't do acrobatic tricks with your child. Especially don't let her imitate those tricks just when Mother comes home.

Think of the When Mother Comes Home Hour as equivalent to an Interview To Continue To Be a Husband.

It is not good to have a discussion with Your Libra Daughter about who is actually the boss just before the Mother comes home. Manipulative tears are detrimental to Father's status.

Never ever do the Trick where they stand in the palm of your hand and say "Hi Mommy", with their hands spread out in fearless glee.

No Tolerance For Dirty Diapers

The first truly noticeable behavior that impressed the working Mom was the fact that when she got home, her daughter was in brand new clean diapers all the time. And, she had no diaper rash. So, it was not like the Father was changing the diapers just before she got home from work. No diaper rash meant that she was not sitting in dirty diapers all day long. Needless to say, the Father felt like he was establishing new records for hygiene and, since he was very nervous about the entire challenge, he patted himself on the back. For a little while, the Mother was awe struck. Of course, the odd truth would be coming out soon.

The Kid Was Even Little For Her Cohorts, But She Could Run at 8 months, And Use Harsh Language to Daddy Not Long After That

Yes, she was precocious and could argue way too early, but that was not the real strange problem. She could not tolerate a used diaper. In fact she would not go number two in her diapers after she could walk/run.

After Grandma exclaimed that she had a Mars in Leo, and would be arguing and standing up to people for the rest of her life, the Father said: "I can see that. But how come she won't tolerate a wet diaper? And why won't she go number two in her diapers?"

She was happy to run around diaper less, letting herself "dry out". Smiling as proud as Gypsy Rose Lee, she would present herself to the world without clothes. Her pride was not letting anything dirty touch her porcelain white skin. Needless to say, Daddy was in track shoes trying to keep up with her. You see, she would promptly shed her wet diapers upon annointingl.

"You Are Not The Boss of Me!"

This is a common statement of defiance, but she presented this challenge continually. The Father would proudly declare that he was 31 and she was 2 and a half, and that that very difference itself would constitute a reason for "Father Dominance". Toward the end of his term as Stay At Home Dad, she started using a particular digit for disrespecting. When her Father inquired as to where she learned things like that. She said: "Tommy". The Father knew then that he had let Tommy come over and visit far too often, and those few times when she went over to Tommy's house were a great mistake. Later on Father would mutter: "When you get old, I hope you have a daughter just like yourself". Those comments were actually said to himself so as to wring some little satisfaction from his experience.

"Don't Do Your Hiding Game!"

Particularly vexing because she knew how much it affected the Father, this game of her own invention, would make him run through all the rooms, go through all the boxes and the nooks and the crannies. She would do it especially when social events, parties or Mother's presence was soon expected. The Mother would say: "Honey, would you go find her. You know where all of her hiding places are." Father would smile, knowing that sometimes he did not know where all of her hiding places were, she would just appear, knowing that she could keep a hiding place a secret if she gave up on the game early enough.

"Where Are The Keys?"

The Father could do a true convincing theatrical performance when he had to act extremely calm. Of course it was those times when she had hidden the car keys. Do not say to yourself that his job was to hide the keys. That is true, but often humans forget. The bloodshot rage she could see, even though the Father's voice was as quiet and serene as he could muster. He would say: "Now you know we are going out tonight right? To the movies, uhuh, and we really need to have the car keys". She would dutifully go through the house. The Father would not follow. He would sit and watch TV with apparent nonchalance. If he communicated any more tension than was bristling inside him, he would display emotions that would surely cause a delay in that wonderful moment: "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy". The faint jingle jingle of metal on metal was singing through the hallway. And she appeared with a wide angle smile.

You Must Reason With A Daughter

The Father had organized the son's day. Calendared and corralled and outlined programs, games and projects for his son. As a male, life seemed fairly simple. Fathering seemed to be so. However, this daughter needed everything explained. She needed emotional reassurance. She needed suasion, explanation, thorough "whyness". The "whyness", which is what he called it was the continual streaming sentences that flow forth from the "Big Daddy" as to why absolutely everything was happening the way it was happening.

Rocky Mountain High - Colorado

This experience was wonderful for both parties, and this summer this Daughter, this Female Libra, is marrying. The Father will sing "The Wedding Song" accompanying himself on his Fender acoustic guitar. On a mountain peak in a mansion he will ponder, as he sings the chorus..."And there is love". He will be thinking of the daughter twinkling at him in her elfin way (so short and so advanced), running around diaperless and listening to her early on speeches about the invalidity of his dominance over her. And when he is done with his song, he will thank God that he was a Stay At Home Dad for two and a half years for this Beautiful Classy Libra Female. The best career decision he ever made. Christofer French is the Founder of and is a Father of Four Grown Children and Grandfather of Six. - Loving Lady Libras and Others


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    • mojojoen profile image


      6 years ago

      huhu.. T^T Mr.Christofer, you're such a loving dad.. not all men can understand the value of taking care of kids, it's priceless.. and it's so touching that this hub comes from a very serious looking man.. :D some thought it's an easy job.. a no-challenge compared to other extreme works.. yet there's no extreme job that gives the feeling of warmth and love, in a large dose, and unlimited.. though before that,it'll take some serious brawling between the naive and mature.. ~^-^~ Belated Congratulations for two years and five months to your daughter Mr.Chris! ~^-^~

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      Super hub and great advice. Thank you.


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