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Staying Strong after Family Violence - Inspiration for Mothers

Updated on January 4, 2011

Time to create your own Destiny...

This hub is for mothers who have separated from a violent partner, and who are trying to start a new life for themselves and their children but are still having to live with the ongoing trauma associated with attending family court, applying for restraining orders, ongoing stalking/harassment from their ex, lack of empathy from family and friends, and the struggle to help their traumatized kids to heal and move on. I have included some inspirational poems (my own and others) and famous quotations. Over the next few weeks I will also add links to other helpful sites etc...


Love should not hurt!

It's not about "justice"
Or "the principle of it",
So I will not react.
To do so wouldn't serve my purpose.
I've done what I had to and
I'll do what I must,
Because they asked me
To keep them safe and
I promised I would.
It was never for revenge against him.
It's not all about him;
It never was & never will be.
Nor is it about me.
It's about them & always will be.
Because Love should not hurt!


The Power Within!

Never forget the quantum physics behind it all.

Do not live in the Darkness of the past,

Or let fear stop you from creating your own destiny.

You have the knowledge to liberate yourself from those fears,

And the Light of your brilliance can shine once again.

So take responsibility for your own happiness,

And be the author of your own destiny.

There is no choice between Darkness & Light,

Darkness is but the absence of Light.

And how boring would the nothingness of Darkness be,

Compared to the Light of Creation,

In a Universe of infinite possibilities?

You have the Power, now use it!


Children Learn What They Live

By Dorothy Law Nolte, PhD

If a child lives with criticism,
The child learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
The child learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
The child learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame,
The child learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
The child learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
The child learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise,
The child learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
The child learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
The child learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
The child learns self-esteem.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He or she learns to find love in the world.


I Will Prevail!

Sometimes,

I wish I did not understand the quantum physics behind certain things;
It makes me fear other things even more...
On the other hand, knowledge is power.
Enlightened, I can liberate myself and mine from those fears,
And with that freedom, the brilliance that lies within us shall manifest.
As our gifts of intelligence, empathy, creativity, compassion,

Adaptability, passion and wisdom start to show,
Our light will shine more and more brightly,
And our love for each other will be all we need

To ensure our light never dims again,
But only grows brighter.
How bright will their light shine...

If I do this right?
May our light then become a beacon

To others who are lost in the darkness,
And may it help them find there own light.
There is no choice between darkness & light.
Darkness is but the absence of light.
My light will never again be dimmed,
I will prevail!


(Inspired by "Our Deepest Fear", written by Marianne Williamson and spoken by Nelson Mandela in 1994, during his Presidential Inauguration)



Our Deepest Fear

by Marianne Williamson

from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

"Our presence automatically liberates others.”

My Journey, My Way



I will not forget the purpose
Of embarking on this journey,
Lest I lose direction and
Fail to reach my destination.
And though the path I follow
Is fraught with danger,
I am not afraid.
Fear and anger
Have ever been your tools;
I no longer use them as my compass,
For experience has made me wise.
My courage comes from having faith
In the morality of my purpose, and
I trust instead my own tools
Of love, intelligence and empathy,
To show me the way.



No Matter What, Hang In There!

No matter what - hang in there! Never panic! The trick is to remain calm in any situation, not matter how alarming it may be or how helpless you may feel. With a calm mind, one can choose the best way to solve a problem, whilst remaining focused, patient, cautious AND assertive. Of course, there are some situations that leave you with no choice... In such situations, the best thing to do is just sit back and relax...

Love Should Not Hurt (extended)

Please Note:

All names in this article have been changed for legal purposes and to protect the privacy of the Author. Except where otherwise credited, or where text forms part of an external link, this article is under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last", of Perth, Western Australia. All rights reserved.


All persons, places and objects shown in the images in this hub are are shown for illustrative purposes only. They bear no relation to any real person or event. All persons shown are paid models. Unless otherwise credited, all images are under the following copyright:

Copyright © 2010 Mel Stewart, "safe-at-last" and Licensors Nodtronics Pty Ltd. All rights reserved.

Comments

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  • profile image

    pippa 

    6 years ago

    @Dani Cali. This is my situation down to a T. Why are we made out to be the Wrong doers. I love my daughter, and will protect her from anything yet im being subjected to contact ect. It is not fair in the slightest.

  • profile image

    Dani Cali 

    6 years ago

    The hardest part of all of this is not being believed, and having to watch my ex manipulate one after another after another after another situation or person. He is now seeking custody reversal (so he takes my son away) and is trying to make out that after 5 years of systematic harrassment from him (punishment for having left him for abuse), that I am now too anxious and too stressed to look after our son. The organisations who profess to help people like me do not believe me and minimise my worries. I trust nobody anymore and I cry all the time. I feel so hopeless in this and I feel that it will never end. Why didn't courts bar him from making repeated applications two years ago? Why is he allowed to continue like this? Why has he never been held accountable for any of his behaviour? Why is he believed, and not me??? My son knows the truth, I know the truth, and my ex knows the truth. It is a criminal shame that nobody else bothers to seek it but at the same time claims to have my son's best interest at heart, and puts it in a tone which suggests that somehow, I don't. Yeah, rite. They have his best interest at heart and that's why they promote increased contact with his abusive father. I must have done something pretty bad in a previous life to be made to go through what Ive had to go through. Abuse by my ex, then by the court system, appalling service and treatment by my own solicitor, my son's school treating me like a secondary and even delinquent parent when i've done nothing wrong (they made my ex parent governor), and let down by people supposed to be on my side like solicitors and even women's aid workers. It makes you hate the world, and I wouldn't be here anymore if it weren't for my little boy. And if he is taken from me, then game over.

  • profile image

    Loretta 

    6 years ago

  • profile image

    Loretta 

    6 years ago

    Love is always seen in the eyes of our children,

    through all the turmoil and all the pain

    their love in the one constant that always remains.

    So it is out job to protect them at all costs, and know they are worth the battle!

    As survivors we need to stand up for the victims and give them the inspiration to become survivors,

    that is why we are given our struggles in life!

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    7 years ago from Western Australia

    Yes thank you Debra. That was the first thing we did.

  • profile image

    Debra Ketterman 

    7 years ago

    Get the emotional help you need at this time... Even after you are no longer in physical danger there are scars that will affect you and your children...

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    8 years ago from Western Australia

    DM, I agree, it is very inspiring. I have 3 copies up on the walls/fridge at home, and I try to parent in such a fashion...

    I also try to teach my kids right from wrong by using one simple golden rule: "Treat others as you would have them treat you".

    Best part about that one sentence is that it can be applied to almost any set of circumstances/any situation, and it also fits in perfectly with the theme of "Children Learn What They Live."

    Most of the time all I have to say is "Remember our rule?" and they figure out what the right thing to do is all by themselves.

    It's also great because they end up wanting to do the right thing. They feel good about doing it too, rather than only doing the right thing to avoid getting into trouble. I think that kind of "feel good" incentive is a much better motivator than fear or guilt.

    Anyway, thanks for your feedback and glad you enjoyed the hub. SAL.

  • Dolores Monet profile image

    Dolores Monet 

    8 years ago from East Coast, United States

    I've always loved Children Learn What They Live, it's a wonderful guide and gives you a lot to think about.

  • safe-at-last profile imageAUTHOR

    Mel Stewart 

    8 years ago from Western Australia

    Thank you BE!

  • Ben Evans profile image

    Ben Evans 

    8 years ago

    Nice poetry it is very raw and emotional. Keep writing and developing your style.

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