Teenagers Disrespecting Boundaries, You Respecting Theirs.
Boundary Issues : Easy problem solving
Having a teenager will be very troubling at times. Sometimes it may feel like they have taken control of most things in your life, and in some ways they just might’ve. Whether they are leaving a constant mess around the home, or not following the rules when it comes to curfew there can be some easy solutions to solving these issues without causing a teenage temper tantrum.
Crossing the boundaries already put in place is a very serious happenstance, because in a way every little action is a test. Since they were children they have been relentlessly pushing what you allow and don't allow them to do, it's just an instinct unless you just so happen to have that golden child.
Boundaries Crossed, ‘Line of Severity’
Dealing with the crossing of boundary lines, what i have done that has worked is make a ‘number line of severity’ whether it be on paper or simply just as a mental list. One being a simple slip up, for example a simple forgetting to do their daily chore after school, and an easy solution to that would be assigning a little more on their chore list. A five on this ‘number line’ would be something a little big with most likely intent on doing this act. For example, say that your teen had been purposely ignoring your calls or messages to expand their time out of the house or even saying a cuss word to your face to deliberately anger you.
You need to keep in mind you simply cannot shout at them to make them understand and leave it at that, that would be a simple slap on the wrist to them and they'd most likely do it again. You could go the whole grounding progress which is rather simple, take their phones/ devices hours before ‘bed time’ add on a couple more chores everyday for a week or two however long you deem it necessary. Or what i have found quite promising is giving them options on what punishment they think they ‘deserve’, of course you have to choose between what they get to choose from or else no lesson learned which could be ranging from helping out everyday at the soup kitchen at a local homeless shelter to even picking up trash on the side of a road for several hours at a time something that'll teach them to always think about their actions beforehand.
A ten, they would have to do something so terrible that you were most likely shocked that your own child could have done it, unless they have a history of similar stuff in the past then you are in my prayers. This punishment would have to be severe so that they understand how detrimental it is in their life if they had continued to go about this path making these mistakes. The problematic solution with your kid acting out to such an extent is how major do you have to go to make them understand what they are doing is wrong. What i have found necessary to do is take off their door, if they don't respect their parent then why should they have the option to their privacy. Although that should be just the beginning to this punishment that should be the first thing done after establishing that things are going to be very different since they want to act up. When is comes to severe actions there needs to be a very strong lesson, for such an action being so severe i would make them write a multiple page essay front to back on each paper explain what was going on in their mind, how they felt doing it, how they felt after doing it, and what they would do differently given the chance. So you child might also refuse to work with you when it comes to punishing them, an easy simple way for them to want to do these acts would be to let them win back their door, phone, gaming system, or even driving school if they acting up around their 16th birthday.
Respecting Their Boundaries
Having to respect their boundaries can be troubling because every teen is different. Communicating is best with understanding with what they want, some teenagers just don't feel heard from their parents like they are constant in the shadows. An easy solution to that is taking some time every other day or by weekly and talk with them asking what they would want differently to happen.
Some teens can be quite different to understand if you are parenting the opposite sex alone it can feel quite difficult because they don't have the most important role model that they are desperately looking for and needing. Some would want more space than you are letting them and others need less space and more reassurance. With them needing less space don't constantly check in on them hovering over every little thing they do, it can make them feel claustrophobic and helicopter parents create sneaky teens.
Needing more reassurance from a parent can feel a bit embarrassing bringing up so they will often try to push away their feelings and act like they don't need you which can really be a call out for help. To give them more quality bonding time give them options on what they want to do, for example would they rather go to the museum then grab some food after or go to on a hiking trip then do a little girls day with nails or go and look at video games or cool combat knives with your son, little things create bigger bonds over time.
Lastly, in my honest opinion is try to get a therapist for you and your child(s). You may not like the sound of it but the right one can be very helpful, there will always be topics and things that your child just won't feel comfortable talking about with you, and having someone to talk to you about how to deal with your child’s feelings can and will be very helpful.
These have just been simple solutions to problems that i have had to deal with myself, if you have any questions don't be shy.
© 2018 Amelia Swann