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The Adjustments And Advantages Of Being A Stay At Home Dad

Updated on June 26, 2013
Me and my family
Me and my family | Source


I recently took on the challenge of becoming a stay at home dad for my newborn twins. The decision for me to leave my job was based on many factors, the biggest being financial. I was earning over $40,000/yr. as an assistant manager, and my fiance was earning a lot more as a social services director. There were other reasons why I decided to leave, but this one was the biggest. $40,000/yr. is a lot of money to give up, but knowing the high cost of child care and the fact that we had twins, it only made sense for me to stay at home. This decision has had a positive impact and a negative impact, but after weighing all the pros and cons, I can say that I don’t regret my decision.

Being a stay at home dad comes with some obvious adjustments. The first is the lack of income coming from me towards our household. Going from $40,000/yr. to $0/yr. is a tough adjustment, and I had to learn to change my wasteful spending ways. The next adjustment was learning how to spend my time. This sounds funny, as I am taking care of twins, but after the hustle and bustle of a 12 hour per day job I had too much time on my hands. The last adjustment was swallowing my pride. I was always the decision maker when it came to finances, and not having an income for the first time in my adult life was a hard pill to swallow. This is an ongoing process for me, but it’s getting easier with time.

Despite the drawbacks of my decision I’ve found some unexpected benefits from being a stay at home dad. The first is I have learned to become a nicer person. After years of working a stressful job, having that weight lifted off my shoulders has shown me that I was taking life too seriously. I see now I put a lot of stress on myself under the illusion that I had to do it to survive, when in reality I was making myself miserable and resenting everyone around me. Another unexpected benefit to being a stay at home dad was the opportunity to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I dabbled in writing for years, but with extra time on my hands I’ve learned to improve my skill, and now I can even generate income at home by doing it. Being a stay at home dad is challenging, but I have to admit these were two very welcome blessings in my life.

Overall, I have challenges to face in the future. For now, the important thing is knowing my twins are growing up with their dad in their life. I have other children outside my relationship with my fiancé, and I regret that I didn’t make this decision sooner for them, but I hope that once I get things on tract, I will be able to give all my children the benefit of a better father who is happy to be a part of their lives. I don’t regret my decision to become a stay at home dad. I’ve learned much about myself on this journey, and it’s showing me a way to become a better me.

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    • Midnight Lights profile image

      Midnight Lights 

      6 years ago from USA

      Thanks, but yeah, he's proud of himself.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      That was an aweful thing for him to do. No children should be taken from a good mother.

    • Midnight Lights profile image

      Midnight Lights 

      6 years ago from USA

      First, I'd like to say congratulations on your beautiful twins. Then, I'd like to say how even the words stay at home anything paranoia me to no end. I was a stay at home mother, but not by choice, and not by something my children's father truly ever could accept. No, I did not force the situation onto him, but I was given no choice because of a back condition that made it impossible for me to maintain a normal life of employment. No, I never could get disability then nor now. But other then the father not ever truly agreeing to this living situation for 14 yrs, he also in the end won custody of my youngest 2 after I left him finally for making me feel so awful about myself not being able to work, many fights, police being called, threats to sell the house and I leave - then not - then selling- then not-.. etc.. and his saying I was full of it to just be spiteful and wanting me to do something regardless of my condition and pain. I lost them because I had no true income. Not just that, he lied in court saying horrible things about me, most of which were dis-proven by my oldest son.. but many of which just slipped past. It was and still is a humiliating experience. Best of luck to you though, you are healthy and you will be able to bounce back into the workforce easily... so nothing I've said should discourage you.

      I wish my children's father could have learned these same values about money as you did. Money isn't everything, it's just "something", but it takes away so much of the human effect when it becomes "everything", and that I believe is what you learned. That there is no price to love.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      Thanks Practical Mommy any advice for someone new to the game.

    • ThePracticalMommy profile image

      Marissa 

      6 years ago from United States

      Welcome to the club of Stay-at-Home Parents! :) You made a very brave decision to stay home with your kids. I know how hard it was for me to give up my salary and my full-time job to be home, so I understand how you felt about it at first. It is rough at times trying to make it on one salary, but it is possible.

      I wish you all the best with your family and your writing ambitions!

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile imageAUTHOR

      Jose Velasquez 

      6 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I'm learning as I go, and hopefully once my twins are in head start I can pursue another career, but I won't make the same mistakes I did before.

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