ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Baby Weight Battle

Updated on January 26, 2018
SpiceyMeatball profile image

Ari is a full time employee and a full time mom. She is learning day by day how to balance motherhood and individuality.

I have always struggled with weight and my body image through out my life. I was never obese, but I have always been chunkier than what magazines and media portray as beautiful. Trying on clothes in the dressing room would usually end in tears, so I resorted to always wearing a sweatshirt to cover my body. I never felt as beautiful as the skinny girls in school. My mother one day insisted that we join a weight loss program together and in less than a year I dropped over 30 pounds. At 26 years old, I was at my healthiest at 102 pounds and 5 feet tall. I loved my body and the fact that I could finally wear the clothes that I wanted. It took a lot of work to get my body the way that I loved it.

Almost a year after I started dating my "soon to be future husband", I noticed that I was gaining weight, and quickly. I forced him to take me on runs in the park, even though running is about as fun for me as sticking a needle in my eye. I was eating healthy and cutting back on sweets, yet I was still gaining weight. I was on birth control at the time, so it definitely came as a surprise when I figured out that I was gaining weight because I was pregnant.

When I started getting pregnancy cravings, I would lose control and eat whatever I wanted. I figured of course that I was eating for 2 and that I could easily lose the weight once I had my child. I couldn't be more wrong of anything in my life. I gained a total of 60 pounds during my pregnancy. Once I was out of the hospital, I dropped 12 pounds within a couple of weeks, so I was of to an okay start. I figured breastfeeding would help me lose the weight quicker, but of course when I tried to breast feed, I ended up not being able to produce milk, so my idea of being able to drop the weight that way was blown.

At this point in my life, I was up all night with the baby and only taking short naps during the day, so for once in my life losing the weight was the furthest thing from my mind. Truthfully, I was lucky to even sit down and eat a full meal. But even with not eating as much, the weight just wasn't coming off.

After my daughter turned 6 weeks old I went back to work. I was able to get both of us on a semi normal schedule with a lot of help from my family, (you can't really expect too much with a newborn). With this almost normal schedule, came my old normal thoughts of having to get my body back. It is so easy to gain the weight, but extremely difficult to lose. While working 40 hours a week and dealing with the craziness of being a new mom, I was getting worn out and overwhelmed. With the stress came stress eating, and with the stress eating came weight gain. And with the weight gain came the guilt. I worked so hard to lose it, and in a short 10 months (because let's get real, pregnancies last for 10 months, not 9), I ruined it. I ruined it by eating for 2 and giving into every craving. By stopping at McDonalds for breakfast and Taco Bell for lunch. By not thinking about the repercussions.

Fast forward to four years later and I am still struggling. I am still going on diet after diet, taking supplements and vitamins and trying things like apple cider vinegar and whatever internet craze seems easy and cheap. I have now been able to maintain my weight (slightly fluctuating between 1-5 pounds here and there), but for the most part staying the same. But I am still heavier than I wish I was. Finding the time to go to the gym is like pulling teeth, and I just can't find the willpower inside myself to "count points" or calories anymore. I am trying my best to eat more healthy options and smaller proportions. I am trying my best to accept who I am and what my "adult body" looks like. I am trying my best to love myself for who I am.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)