ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Black Woman, Celibacy/Abstinence, and Sexual Freedom

Updated on June 25, 2017

When you hear a woman say she is celibate or abstaining from sex, what comes to mind? Does your mind churn such statements as, "What's wrong with her?" "She must have been sexually abused." "She's uptight." "She'll never get a man with that attitude." "Who is she to be celibate? She's not a virgin."

These are some of the negative comments I have heard when sharing that I am celibate. When did freedom of choice become a crime against sexual freedom? Some ask why I have chosen celibacy at 48 years of age. My response, why not? Some wonder if I date. Yes, I do; and sex is not in the equation. Will men want to have a relationship with me knowing I'm not going to let them bed me? Some have decided I was not worth their time; but guess what? They were not worth me. These are questions to ponder in depth.

This topic is quite sensitive and very personal for me. There has been a very long and heated dialogue about celibacy/abstinence and intimate relationships. I believe that we are free to choose how we live out our sexuality. This is called FREEDOM OF CHOICE. However, there are some who think that my CHOICE of celibacy/abstinence has everything to do with past sexual damage. This is far from the truth. My decision to be celibate/abstinent has everything to do with me taking responsibility of my sexuality; but most of all my overall health.

There are too many life-threatening sexual diseases out there. One woman shared what she heard on a recent radio program:

“Catching up on some podcasts and this man called into a show and talks about how he's depressed. Comes out he was in the military, in the Middle East... contracted AIDs... then came home and infected his wife, who has since died from the disease and he's still living.”

According to Women's Health, AIDS is the number one killer of African-American women between the ages of 25–34. These same women are more likely to die from HIV/AIDS than any other ethnic group of women. Why is this so? This study blames it on poverty, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), the incarceration of Black men who use the penial system as a revolving door, which increases their risk of contracting HIV/AIDS; and lastly, Black men who are 'on the down low', yet they do not consider themselves bisexual and not disclosing their bisexuality to the Black women they have sexual contact with.

I have raised my children; and I want to enjoy the second half of my life. I do not want to spend it wondering whether or not the man I have sex with after a few dates has given me a life sentence. As one Black woman said, “. . . a great relationship is predicated on great communication.” I agree 100%. I also would like to add that a great relationship is predicated on honesty, integrity, loyalty, respect, and fidelity. There are too many men and women who are great communicators; but are dishonest, conniving con-artists, and selfish. I want to know that a man truly cares for me – inside and outside.


Whether you choose to live a sexually active or celibate/abstinent lifestyle, it’s called FREEDOM OF CHOICE. What others may think is their business. However, you have to live with the consequences of your CHOICE. I choose to live a life that is not predicated on sex. I am worth what I say I am worth. No one except me can determine my value. The same goes for you, especially for our youth. For whatever reason you choose to live out your sexual life, it is YOUR CHOICE. Celibacy and abstinence prevents pregnancy and STDs 100%. All I desire for you is good health and true love. Do not put your life or another person’s life at risk. Love yourself and you will love others.



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • rissa62 profile imageAUTHOR

      Queen of the Pen 

      5 years ago

      Thanks so much for reading my article. I'm definitely going to share it with more people.

    • rissa62 profile imageAUTHOR

      Queen of the Pen 

      5 years ago

      Thanks for reading my article. This is a topic dear to my heart and soul. I will definitely share it with the masses. :-)

    • rissa62 profile imageAUTHOR

      Queen of the Pen 

      5 years ago

      Thank you for your kinds words. I'm glad that you found this article useful and informative. I will definitely take your suggestion and share this more. Again, thanks and have a wonderful week.

    • jns-211 profile image


      5 years ago from North Carolina

      I think that this was a great read, and many should read this. I think that you are making the right choice. You are your own person, and who is anyone to judge you for doing something that is positive. Two thumbs up for you, and I think this will inspire many, because it inspired me.

    • feenix profile image


      6 years ago

      Hello, Rissa,

      This is a terrific and inspiring article. Additionally, you deliver a message in this piece that needs to read and heard by a great many people in contemporary society.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Celibacy is about more than just not having sex. It's about learning who are and what you really want out of life. I too believe in being celibate and have created a website and book dedicated to called The Kama Sutra of Celibacy: 101 Ways to be Successfully Celibate. The Kama Sutra of Celibacy is designed to help singles live a successful life of celibacy through practical exercises that addresses the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of celibacy while providing guidance, encouragement and support. Check us out at


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)