The Boy Teacher and the Father Student # 56 Society at 9

So I have resorted to interviewing my son. Fantastic. I tell him I am doing it. I repeat what he says and he makes corrections. I am the Dierker House Press Secretary. So you are riding bikes down the local streets and ask. “Who pissed you off today?” The guarded response is “Bam”. He was mean to Jojo.

F: So how was Bam mean to Jojo?

B: He makes fun of him because he is fat.

F: Did you tell on Bam?

B: No.

F: Why not?

B: You told me that “snitches make stitches”

F: Wow! You have a problem on your hands.

B: My hands are just fine. Bam is a bully.

F: Funny we had bullies against weak kids in my day. I would just go hit them as hard as I could. Nerds were just my buddies. I would get in so much trouble. Back then they beat you with a paddle if you were bad.

B: You told me that. Bam is so much bigger than us. He is in 5^th grade.

F: Cool. Use a fast and hard upper cut. Then a left hand round house to his temple.

B: I know you are kidding me. I really like that word Jossing me.

F: Hmm, I think it “joshing”. Never seen it written.

B: What do I really do.

F: Well nowadays you just have to tattle tale.

B: That is funny. “Tattle tail”. Oh I get it, you mean tell a tale. And “nowadays” is weird too.

F: Raymond Billygoats was a bully. He was a grade older but really 3 years older. He got bad grades so he had to repeat 4^th grade. He hated guys who got good grades. He and his buddies cornered me and he hit me so hard my head bounced off the wall. First broken nose I think. I kicked him in his shin and then pummeled him with blows to the body because he was fat.

B: Dad that is so wrong. That is just weird. We do not fight. That is like movies but not real.

F: Fair enough son. It never really happened, I just made it up to make the point of standing up to bullies. You just do it and it does not matter the cost. I got suspended and got 15 swats with a paddle.

B: Liar

The Olden days were golden days for me. You win one fight and that means others want to beat you. That is in both senses of the word. My kids laugh and press down on my nose. You can mush it flat against my cheeks. Busted so often it never really formed. I figure I stood up for bullied kids for wrong reasons. I just loved to fight.

B: Dad I do not think your stories are lies. I think you were really like that or your nose would not smush.

F: Just a birth defect. You get that idea?

B: It means you were born without a nose?

F: Hey this is fun. Nature versus Nurture. Nature means you were born with it and nurture means it happens after you are born.

B: Too weird dad.

My dad told me two things of major import. “Never throw the first punch and always throw the last”. He boxed his way through Yale. “Life is messy do not try to make it not messy, block the punches and throw them and never back down”. My Doc and I laugh that my condition’s treatment are just experiments. We get to try and watch for results. So far so good Oncology dogs.

The boy understands to try 100 times and fail simply means you learned 100 ways not to do it. Gabe and I simply refuse to do well. We must excel. That does not mean win or success.

B: Dad I think that when I do things by myself it is better than when you teach me.

F: That is why I have stools in the back yard.

B: I get it. That is why you face the other way but sit there.

F: I have ice packs in the kitchen freezer. I got speed dial. I have 911 and I can still carry you. You have a helmet on. If you eat it hard I got your back.

B: I got your back too if you fall hard. Old people get hurt when they fall.

F: Cool, I can count on you my little brother. Life is good together when we have each other’s six’s. I don’t go high on a ladder unless you are here to rescue me. But when you are I am confident.

What would be like knowing that your dad has cancer and any day could be a turn for the worse? I cannot even imagine that feeling. A hug Morning and Evening may help I reckon. Being able to pick his 85 lb body with one hand may help. Maybe hikes and bike rides confer confidence in health. We do biblical and Buddha around here. So worrying is basically taboo. But discounting another person’s worry is also taboo. We must respect what others feel.

F: So boy?

B: I want a Lychee tree.

F: You would have to spray it every day. They need rain. And I think they would cost about 4 gazillion dollars. They do not belong here in the coastal desert.

B: Gramma Tam has one. So? We can too.

F: Gramma Tam lives closer to the ocean. But maybe we can graft and hybrid the deal.

B: Dad, speak English

F: Graft means to put one kind of thing on to another to either mend it or grow them together. Hybrid is like the roses I cross pollinated to get the purple ones even though the bush is orange. Cool huh!

B: What?

F: It is so cool. My Godfather and Mr. Kearny taught me how. You cut a slice into the branch, then you cut off a branch on the other tree/bush and make it like a spear shape. Then you stick it into the slice and bandage it with gauze stuff and whalah you can grow an orange on a lemon tree. And then later you get a lemonge.

B: No way. Let’s do it.

F: By the way mom says to tell on the bully. I say to first use you dinosaur class lessons.* And then use your Sunshine club lessons.**

Let us stop here for moment. We kind of like talking – lie. We love talking. Children and I love to chit chat. As the title here suggests, I learn far more from them than them from me. What will my 36 year old teach me from DC next? What will my gal in Salinas Co. that little hippie teach me? And my rock and roll son up in San Fran will stun me.

Aly and Rich and I love to chit chat also. Those are my young son’s besties.*** And I am a mom/dad so there parents, most half my age are just awesome. Paps is my name. I had another moment. I just feel stuff. Probably a psych disorder. People need water. Homeless lack it desperately. So one case of water goes into my bag. Nope I do not go and give it away. I wait until this boy is out of school. Then we go. Let us be clear. I do not do it for them. I do it for me. Maybe I also do it for my boy. Maybe if you do something good and you do it for good that is a good starting point. Ask yourself and not me.

* Dinosaur club is a group of kids in like a social sensitivity group. I don’t buy it. I think a fist in the face cures most social ills. OK not really maybe.

**Sunshine club is a Christian group that the school lets do their business there. They rock. Better than hanging out getting stoned a 12 years old.

*** Not real names obviously. But for sure real kids with real issues. Dierkers do take names and…. You know.