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The Boy Teacher and the Father Student #68; Please not Dimentia

Updated on August 17, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

Holding degrees in philosophy and Law. Formal studies or certificates or degrees in business, theology, insurance and security. Ex-preacher.

5 In The Morning Somewhere Above Sedona

I still float.
I still float. | Source

Not Accurate

This episode is about possibilities discussed. Nobody here is suffering from dementia to my knowledge. This is a scenario. My personal scenario is self evident. I tend to be a little crazy. Dementid but not as a medical condition. Please read on knowing.

Don't Go Further Lest You Understand

I am a lucky one. I began the road of dementia so early nobody caught it. I do not make light of dementia in severe cases. Mine is just a case of crazy. Dementia is seriously horrible. But like the flu may kill an old person, it just rests as dementia in a younger.

Around a campfire we may even laugh at me out there crazy. That is just fine by me. I blame it on severe chemotherapy that kept me from dying. But my hiking buddies say it started years before. You see I will come back from wherever my mind goes and hardly know where I am. All the doctors have run tests. They very kindly just say that I am way strange. But my stuff up there is intact.

So we roll to a fully fictional scenario. A part of this series that I will never confirm. My 30 something son’s dilemma. Assume for the story he is so far out there artistically that he has anger at the blatant missuses of humans. He writes impassioned pieces and performs them for beach cleanups and for Veterans. A fine man whose notions I aspire to.

F: Son I am a bit worried, or maybe concerned is the better word.

B: I know what you are troubled by dad and so am I.

F: But I have not voiced a word about it son.

B: We read the same page dad. Really, decades through thick and thin and you still don’t think I love and know you like the back of my hand.

F: What should we do? I mean I don’t have a clue here knowing her the way I do.

B: It is going to be brutal but it already is.

F: Who does she trust in? I mean who are her best buddies?

B: Dad she is alienating everyone.

F: Dang, crap and son of a bitch!! I am pulling over.

B: Dad what are you doing? You are acting all weird about this.

F: I need to kick something real hard and spit.

B: I get it.

F: What are we going to do?

B: She won’t let us do anything. She thinks she is just fine.

F: Ok, no harm so no foul. Let me think on this and let us meld to come up with a solution.

B: Dad you do know that your concept of love mind melding is as crazy as it gets?

F: It is not mind melding son it is love melding.

How?

I Will Find You

Miserable

This was such a bummer of a day.
This was such a bummer of a day. | Source

Battle Without Rancor

Quiet seems like a good place sometimes so we go on in silence. But not really. We are feeling and not talking. Sometimes talking screws things up. Feeling probably never does. It is how we “express” those feelings that can hurt and not heal. If you are a real man’s man holding hands may sound a bit out there. In the car and we hold hands. I pop up my left foot and we laugh at my bleeding big toe. Reckon I kicked that rock a bit hard. I really should start wearing shoes again, or not.

F: OK here is a plan. “Intervention”.

B: Are you nuts or just as crazy as her.

F: Let us get two things straight son; I am nuts and crazier than anyone you know. But perhaps I have a solution.

B: It will have to be a sneak attack. My sisters will have to be on board, ie your and mom’s daughters. This is going to be hard to set up. This is all wacked out.

F: Do you have a better deal?

B: Whilst smacking about me about the jaw he declares it is crap but maybe it could work.

F: Here is the plan I am working on, what do you think? I hold her down and you tie her up and gag her and we carry her downstairs and plop her on the couch with all of us around.

B: You scare me dude, it sounds like you have done this before but in a way illegal way.

F: OK I am working on plan B. We invite her out to a dinner and then at the table we simply tell her that we need to start some therapy,, right now!

B: Hmm. She likes to off in public. It could go wrong.

F: OK, plan “see”. We get her to the beach and take a walk and the beach. You know I mean plan “C”. We walk to our “group”.

B: This could work. Dad this could just work. Barefoot, bareknuckle and all. A full on ambush. Let us cogitate.

F: I taught you that word back in the 90’s, what did you learn it in fancy pantsy college again or just tossing it in my face. Alright I am not right minded right now. Do you know how complicated this will be with your stepmother?

B: I think you told me that every day is a bowl of cherries and each one has the pits. Get over it and step up. Mom needs you.

I Am Just Dancing In The Dark Here

Strange

A concept I do not fully get.
A concept I do not fully get. | Source

I Am Crazy, Nobody Tries or Wants to Be.

When do you just break down and cry? I reckon that God in all His wisdom took free will away from me. I just do not have choice anymore. I have no options. I hurt like you and I bleed like you but He took away my will to be angry or retaliate or hurt in anyway. It hurts sometimes. I want to hate. I get so angry but He slaps me down with someone to calm and speak of good and smart. I hear there are angels. I understand that maybe my Gabriel is one that they call My San which means American saint. My name is for America, it is Eric. I reckon Godparents have ideas.

F: I have to go away.

B: I know this dad and I remember this. Go and be better when you return.

F: I don’t know if I can leave right now.

B: That is when you know that you must.

F: But but and more buts.

B: Dad you are not the planet that the universe revolves around. You are just you. I know that is harsh but get the hell out of there. You need to get your own crap together before you get other people’s crap together and we need that.

F: Alright boy let me die over there and come back.

B: Good on you dad, die. I will be here when you come back, like always.

Some folk think that dying is this thing about your body going blank. How funny they have never been to hell. Death is about us losing breath but not about losing our soul. Those that go before their body are bound in a loop of hell. I do not cotton such for good folk. So our job is to prevent that loop. And or maybe alleviate it.

You are running as fast as you can and you run right up to that horse sprinting across that field and you leap with all your bloodied life and grab hold of that mane and jump with all your being. The beast must have a rider. For our loved ones we must grab that beast and hold on for dear life or lose them in that loop of hell. I would rather never give up, but keep trying to get on that beast over and over and over again. I swear that nobody goes into that hell on my watch. She can go into the wild waves of hell again and again but I shall swim it with her.

Hold my love in your hearts I am diving straight on in with a gal trying to leave me in dementia. I have what it takes to bring her back. No not to you and me. But to her and peace. Mr. and Mrs. Hell you have one “hell” of a battle on your hands. I do not fail well. It is a battle to my death. Dementia is not neutral or placid. It is my enemy and I shall fight it at every turn of my heart.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      3 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Flourish I promise to soak up and spread out the love.

      Oncology therapist today. They did not have those in the mid-'90's on my first bout. This is a medical professional who believes in hugs and laughing and joking. That is the best medicine of all.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      3 weeks ago from USA

      Please take good care of yourself. Focus on love and healing and let the rest fall into place.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda I am kind of relaxing at your and my key board. I got into a bit of an argument this morning. I seem to have "missed the bucket". With this mesogenic folliculor cancer early morning regurgitation sometimes comes without warning. I do reckon I need a bigger bucket. I am thinking a tall one. But those fall over.

      I will figure on it. But that is the biggest thing I am facing. How boring.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      4 weeks ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, whatever you are facing, please know that you are not alone. You are loved by many (me included) and you are in my prayers.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Bill this whole area of inquiry is quite interesting.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      4 weeks ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Some pretty heavy stuff, Eric. As always, thanks for giving us things to think about.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      It is a fine day. What we call Saturday. We are gluing up sticks and handles. A ton of wood cleaning. I reckon we sand wood just fine. And how did I get that wood glue on teethe. We are now listening to "Oh Freedom" and tearing up.

      We refuse "well" here. We command better.

      I just do not know how life got better in the last hour.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      4 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

      Eric, it sounds like you are going into an oncology clinic for another round of chemo? I am saying a prayer NOW for healing. I have a feeling that God has more for you to do before you go to " The happy hunting grounds " Gabe is getting smarter day by day. Good father sees to that. Dementia is overrated, some people are just naturally nutty and happy, know what I mean? Smiling....

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill as is normal around here we are not doing so well. Before 9 am we had two games of chase and tickle. We talked of adjectives and ate a fantastic omelette we cooked together.

      We just do not do well we just do love.

      Be careful my poetry today will just be too much at once. I will see you during next week.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      Two articles in one day, buddy? A bit of an overachiever,aren't you? I love that photo of your daughter playing with the young one....very nice, loving family you have. You are a rich man, my friend.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Mary I have on my calendar dates to call caregivers dealing with this. What more can I do I often ask myself.

      I really can only "drop in" to those who knew from about the '70's as they remember me.

    • aesta1 profile image

      Mary Norton 

      4 weeks ago from Ontario, Canada

      Eric, I am in this dilemma a few times and it is hard. I always remind myself to do what is loving but many times I have to go beyond my comfort zone. Sometimes, I don't as I can only push myself so much. Dementia is not easy. It has broken so many hearts.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela you are the greatest.

      Isn't it so good to know that we pray for each other. I have every belief that that makes us all to the good.

      I have never met someone who prayed all the time who was unhappy.

      In my oncology yoga class you can palpably feel the difference between prayers and non prayers. The peace is just plain loud and clear.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      4 weeks ago from Sunny Florida

      Eric, I hope you know you are in my prayers, and I think several other people's prayers as well. You have a good relationship with your son, so the family is there to support you also. I think you give all of us so much love, and you get out love back. Take a day at a time and know that the Lord watches over you.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Tim today the after school will be a challenge. The younger split his scepter/his sword/golf club/baseball bat/machine gun.

      I am afraid it will take some chord and binding agent and shellac. It will never be the same.

      We must be the messenger that change is change and has a purpose. Thank you for your kindness my friend.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori you are good. I am shooting for that. God has turned his back on me. Like I have done to my children.

      You have to kind of bend over as a big old dad. Then they run and jump on your back for a "pony" or "T-Rex" ride.

      I do not need to carry any weight; God gave me good sisters like you to lighten that load.

      I do not even need to call on angels like /// Train - Calling on Angels/// You are sitting beside me.

    • Tim Truzy info4u profile image

      Tim Truzy 

      4 weeks ago from U.S.A.

      Brother

      Eric,

      Prayers of healing and strength will be sent up for you and your family. Know you don't swim the swells of the pits of sickness alone, because we will be there with you, and He will make sure we overcome. God protect and bless you, dear inspiring and courageous friend.

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      4 weeks ago from Pacific Northwest

      I heart you, Eric as a brother. Prayers for your health and happiness.

      The Lord bless you and keep you;

      The Lord make His face shine upon you,

      The Lord be gracious unto you;

      The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,

      And give you peace through our Lord Jesus Christ.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 weeks ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Denise, I was talking to an ex pro motorcycle rider just yesterday. He said "Dierker you have issues. You get drunk without drinking". Well I figure he is right about that. I just cruise around drunk on love. Don't get me wrong I only have one "love of my life" but can you even imagine being married to a guy like me? It must be exhausting. As that son says that I am.

    • PAINTDRIPS profile image

      Denise McGill 

      4 weeks ago from Fresno CA

      You always make me think. It sounds like you have a special understanding relationship with your son.

      Blessings,

      Denise

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