The Boy Teacher and the Father Student# 75 “Discipline”

If you know just how and when to discipline you are smarter than I am. I have trouble disciplining myself. How am I supposed to discipline my son? What the heck is discipline anyway? You have two major meanings of discipline. To discipline yourself and to discipline another. This escapes me.

Spitting. What an interesting concept. Probably good to spit right. Get excess out of your mouth. Spitting on sidewalks is still outlawed in most places. I figure that had to do with chaw. (chewing tobacco) But while your teethe are still developing you have the drooling. Young ones have a bunch of drool. Where to spit is essential in life. Probably you never thought of that. Good for you. Don’t spit where ladies walk. Simple as that.

F: You did it again. What should I do to get you to not do that? Hmm. Oh I have got it. Write it down 15 times!

B: Bummer. But better than you taking away my screen time. Besides it might work. I don’t like pissing you off.

F: Sounds kind of lame but I think it works. We would have to stay “after class” and do it on a chalk board. And as I think about it, heck it worked. Crazy how our minds work. I should make you write expectorate. That is the technical term for spitting up. Forget that.

B: Dad if strange had a capital letter you would be that.

F: Fine now get to writing you strange little elf. Remember if there is one line with bad penmanship you owe me five more.

B: Done! Look it is perfect.

F: Never say perfect son – hihihi. Let me see. Now that is what I am talkin bout. Won’t it be weird if you do it again? But maybe we caught it before it became a habit, I hope.

B: Dad you have a habit.

F: Really? What is that?

B: You talk too much!

And at this the lad scurries away like a bad mouse being chased by a cat. I reckon he got the last word in. But I laughed under my breath for an hour. I am still learning this mystical cavalcade of discipline. How the heck do you discipline someone when you ain’t got none to give? The boy did the writing perfect with no real objection. Maybe on this day I learned a bit about discipline.

Now this is “freelance”. The boy must write 15 sentences. I will not edit. You will get a look into a young person’s mind that I cannot properly translate or interpret, that is your call.

Once upon a time I liked to rhyme

Then I got hungry so I looked in the pantry

After I watched a movie with my friend yoovie

Then I had my pizza while watching a cheetah

Then I went to bed cause my momma said

Then I had dream about making an evil scheme

Then I woke up wishing my alarm would just shut up!

Then I had my breakfast while a playing video game called bloodfest

In this game you have to… wait, wait, wait why am I making this poem about me again???!!

F: Son I like it. Don’t explain it. I am a reader and not a commentator. I observe. A beetle is as important as the butterfly.

B: But did you like it? Did the end make you laugh?

F: Every bit of it touched my heart. But that is like mom saying your bad art is beautiful. I cannot judge the notions of my children. You know that but shoot that ball wrong and I can judge.

B: Tell me again about “free will”. Am I really free to mess up?

F: Dude, a two week break from school is scary when you hang out with me. I need a course in normal.

B: In school they teach us that diversity is normal. Why are your eyes squintier than mine if I am Asian?

F: Heck if I get it and your moms Vietnamese eyes are rounder too. I guess we need to look into another’s eyes and not at them. Too heavy buddy. Let’s go throw the football and talk about spirals.

B: You act mad but I never think you are. Are you always just pretending to be mad?

F: Cool.

B: Why is that cool? Everyone else gets mad. I think you are strange.

F: Can we just say that when I get angry and mad things work out all wrong. So I try not to and I can do that with you. But I still make mistakes and do stuff in anger and mad. Funny mad and madness are the same concept – never mind.

B: No dad I already figured that out between you and mom. When you get mad at each other it is crazy.

F: Let me sit down.

Poor kid. Some are poor of spirit and some are poor of money. But how poor is a child with a crazy parent? I suppose just being there is the best this old boy can do from time to time. I suppose just being away is the best this old boy can do from time to time. It cuts into our “productive” time but I still insist on 30 minutes per day of imaginary outside play time. It occurs to me that it is important to be comfortable with just yourself. Probably just lame.

B: I need a dog.

F: Yes you do.

B: So why don’t we have one?

F: Let us not judge but mom has issues with it. It goes back to her childhood. But we just might have to override that fear. And she is not afraid of dogs, more complicated.

B: I don’t understand.

F: Sorry but neither do I. Sometimes I just settle for peace in our home. Maybe I go too far that way. There is a saying that must be taking lightly, “If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything”.

B: That means you have to stand up to bullies.

F: Good enough and we can bully in many, many ways as I am sure you know. But don’t mistake standing up for bullying. No real formula there.

B: Sometimes I think that kids who get great grades bully other kids.

F: Excellence is not bullying. It is the light in the lamp.

B: Jesus stuff huh. But the other kids feel bad.

F: Once again we are getting to heavy. Let’s take a chill pill and hit golf balls. My head is spinning.

B: Yeah, I need some ice cream.

F: Me too, but we have to exercise to burn it off. Balance.

B: I have better balance than you. I can hop rocks better than you. You even use those sticks. Your old and fat.

F: That is why you and mom call me “elephant” and it hurts my feelings. Not! I think it is funny because I can hold both of you up in my arms at the same time. You guys are tiny. Like mice.