The Boy Teacher and the Father Student 83; Elder Children

Elder is a funny word. If you are hanging out in a nursing home, elder means one thing. Elder with children means quite another. But the notion of elder stays the same. How about the definition of elder means older than another. Being the elder in my family does not even buy me respect. Having less than a normal ego it is fine that everyone else makes elder jokes at me. (No not with me ;-)

My eldest daughter is brutal on my youngest son. It is hard to imagine the love between the eldest and the youngest being any stronger. Did I mention the 30 year age difference? So for sure my elder child is an elder for my younger.

“D” is for Daughter.

D: Hey Gabe I will be in town Wednesday you want to come see me after school?

B: Where?

D: At my fancy hotel with a heated pull looking over the ocean in La Jolla.

B: Tell Eric to pick me up early.

(of course the punk calls me by my name and not dad when he wants my attention – devious that boy)

D: You can see the seals while I am in my last meeting. Tell Eric to bring you early for education.

(The conspiracy is born while I am within earshot of the phone call – the outright gaul)

B: You know dad can hear us.

D: So what is he going to do? Not come see me? Leave you in school rather than school you?

B: Dad is laughing too hard.

B: But mom might say no.

D: Your mom will do whatever I say because I am the responsible sister and I am rich.

B: not when you threw me in the ocean and stuck a crab in my face.

D: That is because you are a punk. I bet you could pick me up now.

B: Nope, you are too fat and old. Dad said you are a senior citizen because you are so bossy. He says that you think you are the boss of him.

D: I am Gabe. I am the boss of a lot of people, like 100’s. Dad is only the boss of you, but I am teaching him how to do that, he is not a good student.

B: You know he can hear you. Because he is so old he leaves the speaker on so he can hear.

D: Well turn it off monkey.

B: Why didn’t I think of that?

So it would seem I am not the best dad in the world, teaching them such insolent behavior. When I was younger a phone call like that from coast to coast would be very expensive. We wrote letters. As the elder ones were growing they had to write letters to folks. My young one probably averages a letter a week and one quick note a week. On my left at my desk are stamps and envelopes, don’t give me your address or I will send you one.

Writing letters is old school. But we go old school. I have an elder sister around 70+ we just write letters. She is a calligrapher. Really that is what she does for a living. She is Godmother to my youngest. She is my elder sibling.

F: Boy, now I do not believe your rap about doing your reading already. So you must sit there and figure out a story to tell that lasts 5 minutes. Then you must tell me the story.

B: OK I will read for twenty minutes.

F: Nope you already cast the die and so shall it be.

B: You think you are, all that, speaking like an important person.

F: Bottom line kid.

F: The sky is cloudy yet the heat makes the sweat drip off the old man’s upper lip as he sat cross ways in his saddle staring down the sheriff in this God forsaken town that smelled like death. He came to hunt one man.

F: See? You just put to words a scene you picture in your pea sized brain. Go for it. And this time no rhyming.

B: OK. How many points do I earn for my Ipad time?

F: Don’t push me boy I am your elder.

B: Just because someone is older does not mean I respect them. They have to earn it. But I know, respect them first. That is kind of crazy. Respect them unless they act wrong and then don’t respect them? That is like “taking back”.

F: You are so smart. Now you did not fool this old man – do the story.

B: Mom teaches better because she tells me exactly what to put down.

F: Well you have a point but perhaps now that you are older it is backwards.

Now it is said that a tortoise and a Koi fish can live to over 200 years old. My ex-wife has a dog (Squeeker) that is blind as a bat and 18 years old. I have been related by marriages to two 104 year olds. We were best friends and I still miss them after decades. It is so fun to have a friend who is a much elder. They can go from horseback to space shuttles.

I had the ultimate privilege recently. It was a nursing home facility. I had some issues that required inpatient physical and occupational therapy. The best spot for what I needed was with the elders. My current Mistress is a spry 95 years old. I will go see her today. Elders are cool.

My younger son has no grandparents walking around. But he has two honorary grandmas. That is one of those good things about his church time. He is around real elders.

B: Dad do you really feel half your age?

F: Absolutely.

B: I don’t get it, you have health problems and some things that hurt.

F: Great. I think you get it. Check out how I turn your question around. You see if I felt as old as I am the “problems” would get to me. Remember that in my ‘30s I almost stayed dead due to cancer. I definitely feel younger than that now.

B: Makes sense. But I mean how you act. Mom says you act like a child.

F: When I was in my forties I used to grunt getting out of my chair. I was in stressful situations 24/7. Except for walking and hiking/climbing I did not get exercise and I worried. Now I just don’t give a damn.

B: Bad word! But don’t you worry and get all concerned about me? Don’t you care about anything?

F: Easy. I care. Listen to my words and what they really mean; “I don’t give a damn”. People just assume that means you do not care. But how I use it, it means I do not condemn. If you are not busy judging right or wrong or good and bad you can be like a child.

B: Dad you should say that differently. You should say: “I do not care about who is right and wrong”. Like that condemn the act and not the person deal you pound at me.

B: But now I get it. You feel half your age like feelings.

F: We will go about this again. It is too deep before you make those pancakes. Never get too smart on an empty stomach.

We are off to visit both elder sisters and cruise the gardens and beach tomorrow. I always wonder what the rich people do for fun, if you can do this and be poor.