The Boy Teacher and the Father Student; “’Joe Says’, Gossip?”

There is a special time in the development of a boy Student. This is basically a time when it is best for a father just to listen. Teacher, student relationships pretty much get put on hold. Except for two really important lessons. By example; be quiet and just listen. And by guidance; Careful about gossip and believing everything you hear. Of course the second dovetails with the first in the not talking part.

It goes like this; Tinsley, Schramm, Clark, Bergman, Delagowski, Weidinger, Treece, Bynum. They all taught by their own personality. In a very good sense I loved them all. For those of you who went through a traditional American school system know who those are.

One of my children’s teachers told me; “look if you don’t believe half the stuff that Hay says about me, I won’t believe half the stuff that Hay says about you.” Advice that has served me well. I am sure it serves a teacher well. Can you imagine how your head would spin listening to 25 students telling wild stories from home. “My dad told my mom that….” (Take it easy – obvious abuse is different)

So by grade four or so boys do not just play at recess they start telling stories to each other.

B: Ron said that there were going to be fires like every year.

F: Why?

B: Because he wanted to act like he knew smart stuff.

F: Nope, why are there fires every year?

B: Oh yea, because it is hot and dry.

F: He also said that his big brother said we could burn up.

F: Hmm.

B: Joe told him that that he was lying.

F: Not nice.

B: Al said that teachers all drink too much because his dad said so.

F: Really?

B: He said Ms. Alman was drunk.

F: Believe him?

B: No not really.

Now we are not idiots here. Clearly his dad said to the effect that if he were a teacher dealing with kids all day he would drink. Certainly the big brother did tell his little brother something like that to impress and scare him. Probably Joe did say that he was lying. Or what the heck, it could all be true.

Interesting how to handle this scenario. Just think if I refuted all of these. I would have to talk about each person – not knowing. And I would have to sink to a level within that crazy.

It would seem to me that at the right time I should just talk about staying out of it. Then we should agree not to repeat these things except to me. Not even his mom unless she asks. That we seem short on time to talk about important stuff in our family and no time for gossip.

B: Dad they have a rule at our school for recess – no touching.

F: Wow that seems wrong.

B: But we touch each other in Basketball, Slam to the mud and arm wrestling. Hey I beat a 5^th grader but I am about 50/50.

F: What the heck is “Slam to the mud”?

B: Really fun; You hold on to one guys arm and stand in the middle and twirl him until he falls down. There really is no mud.

F: Now that is what I am talkin’ ‘bout. A real boy’s game. Hopefully you have to want to play.

B: Oh sure you have to give the guy in the middle your arm.

F: Does not seem you could put an eye out with that one. This is one where you do not tell your mom unless she asks. Hey check this out “unsolicited”. That means saying something without being asked. Usually advice – like me. Or volunteering which just often means TMI.

B: Those are good ones. I can use those at school. Hihihi.

F: Funny how that works with gossiping also.

B: You think too much dad. But I think I get it.

F: Time for backyard golf boy.

B: Are you sure, you cried last time I beat your butt!

F: I get it you are going to play the too hot to play card next.

B: Well it is.

F: Let me just guess because it is so hot you need to be still and your iPad keeps you still otherwise it is boring.

B: Well?

F: Golf first you sissy pants.

Now do not go all, “teaching your boy not to appreciate girls”. On me. His mom and he are really close. They share everything with each other that is important to mom. Just not about spiders and snakes and playing rough and such. And his down the street, most frequent hang out time is with Alma. And he has two big sisters. And he hangs out with cousins including girl cousins.

On the other hand we carry things for mom, we do the yucky stuff like garbage for mom, we would never say a bad word in front of mom. We give mom her privacy. We fully treat her like a lady.

Violence and sexy scenes in otherwise good movies is a problem. OK, he has violence in his games and plays them out with or without friends. He can now handle a kiss on TV. We have spent hour’s of discussion on special effects and stunt people on the screen. He gets that it is not ketchup but probably a corn syrup and red dye mix but there are variations like add some coffee. When you lay that out there it takes the sting out of Karate scenes. (Check out the end of a Jackie Chan movie, the “takes” of messing up stunts are hilarious) He does not want to nor do we allow movies with sex scenes or extreme violence when he is home.

Ah the good years!

B: Dad you should take it easy more. That is what mom says.

F: Yeah she is always saying that. But then she wants me to do weeding.

B: I got this one; “in the same breath”. You say that when she does that. I know. I think that makes her mad sometimes.

F: She needs to get over it. When someone does something wrong and you politely point it out they will still turn it on you. Human nature.

B: I am happy to tell you that that makes no sense, so you are crazy.

F: My being crazy has nothing to do with it, I do not use it as an excuse so you should not use it as a sword. See you just did it. I point out a valid point you do not like so you attack me. That is crazy but we all do it. Like I said, human nature.

B: Dad, this is bad.

F: What is bad?

B: I understood you. Does that mean I am crazy? That is just for fun. But I did understand you. “Stick To The Issue Boy”.

F: You make me laugh with your impersonations of me. Not because they are silly but because they are too close to home. I wonder if the rich people are having this much fun.

B: Dad it is 101 degrees can we have a water fight?

F: You SOS son. Hoses or guns?

Now my buddy and I were yacking over the fence with our favorite drink, lemonade and Ice tea together in a very tall glass with too much Ice. His lemons and my mint and tea. One of those drinks you drink some and then rub your forehead with it – no earth destructo straws please.

“Dierk you Turk this is better than the desert or is that dessert?”