The Words My Mother Left Behind - The Mirror, by Barbara J. Neal

Barbara J. Neal was (will always be) my Mother. Though we knew she kept journals, after her death, only ONE was found. All the pages were torn out except three. Her most deepest thoughts and prayers in a poem.

I looked into the mirror not long ago it seems
and a young woman was there; she was looking back at me.
She was no beauty that was plain to see,
but i could see the beauty deep inside; it wasn't for just anyone's eyes.

As I looked at this woman and we both smiled, it made me feel really good inside.
At this very moment, I like what I see. God, this woman, She was ME!
I could see the happiness in her smile, her heart filled with love and pride.
She had the love of her husband and children; They were by her side.
THIS woman had no reason to cry.

All of my life, I gave of ME.
My whole life was my family.
I was God's helper, that I could see.
He put me of this Earth; A mother to be.
A job that meant the world to me; taking care of my family.
I never gave thought to what it would mean
to no longer be needed by them, you see.
I didn't know I would be so lonely.

A lot of years have passed and gone.
Why do I feel so alone?
Why didn't my happiness last?
I loved my mate.
In my heart there is no hate.
God has put me through a lot of tests
and he knows I have done my best.

Now when i look into the mirror I see
a tired old lady looking back at me.
Why God? How can this be?
The young woman is gone;
Vanished without a trace.
This tired old lady has taken her place.
There are tears running down my face.

Her smile is gone, only sadness I see.
Who is this old lady in the mirror looking at me?
Please God, Don't let it be.
Tears and pain are all I can see.
This woman is not hapy like I used to be.
The young, smiling woman, that I used to be;
She's hiding here inside of me.
Please God, she wants to be free.
I don't like what I see.
This tired old lady; Is this really me?

The years of my life have passed by
that is why I cry.
I know the mirror, it doesn't lie.
I don't want to die lonely, with no one by my side.

(continued... keep scrolling)

I heard a voice tell me not cry; but to wait.
Soon God will meet you at the Golden Gate.
He will tell you to have no fear;
There is no reason for tears.
You will not be lonely with ME here.
Now look into MY mirror;
stand along side me.
As I looked into God's mirror
the old lady was gone.
Someone else had taken her place.
And there in God's light I could see
There was this young woman looking back at me.
A beautiful smile was upon her face.
All signs of aging had been erased.
There were no tears in the lady's eyes.
She wasn't lonely anymore.
There was no hurt or pain; only love.
Happiness I see on her face again.
I have your soul; I have the key
the woman you are inside has just been set free.
This happy smiling woman is ME.
This is the way I know it will be
with God throughout eternity.
So I will wipe my tear all away
and try to hide it from everyone I see
This horrible feeling of being alone is killing me
The hurt grows deeper by each passing day.
Please God help me, make it go away.

I envision my Mother's entrance into Heaven. She feels energy, and wholeness she hadn't felt in a long time. Her heart full as she greets her own Mother at the gate. I see God put an arm around her shoulder and turn her toward a mirror and I see her laugh with delight as she takes in the young, smiling woman she was always meant to be. Her pain gone, her heart full and not broken. I can hear her voice as I type. She's singing and it's beautiful.